Christmas for the buddhists


one day there was a young computer **** kid named Johnny Brown
who was only 13 years old, but he had these visions from one visit to a
department store sitting on Santa's lap, you see he wanted to start up
a site on the internet which was www.theredsantadepartmentstore.com
and he told all his friends and everybody laughed at him saying there is
no such thing as Santa and Johnny cried for days and that made his parents
worry and after several attempts they eventually came into his room, to see
what was the matter, and Johnny said, all the kids are laughing at me, just because i
believed in a web site to bring the magic of santa into the real worldy, and hid parents said
ok if you really think that it is the right idea, go for it, but we want to be in the loop, cause it
is dangerous for a 13 year old boy surfing the web without supervision, and Johnny went
about trying to get this website started, and he started with trying a few christmas carols
and not just kids either, he chose rudolph the red nosed reindeer and jingle bells and
silent night and mary's boy child and hark the herald angels sing and joy to the world and
christmas by the pool and when a child is born and he went into finding a way to get it all
together and then take videos of stuff relating to christmas like the local parade where he
took the photo and then did his commentary over the top of the camera, and after the
parade he took it home and did some editing and posted it on his website, and you know
he had about 5,000,000 hits and this made Johnny very happy as he decided to go to the
annual lighting of the christmas tree and he took some great videos of different singers
performing like the great galah and moby ****, and there was some great carols by the
choir, and then a great shot of the tree, yeah Johnny was having a ball and after thar he went home
to do some editing and then a nice man named Robert O'Callaghan who was 67 years old
who said he was the original Santa and it was a buddhist belief and Johnny really liked this guy,
despite his folks saying he is an evil buddhist cause he believed in enlightment, but Johnny
refused to listen and went to the Buddhist centre to meditate and Robert said to Johnny that it is ok
to have a website where you can put the magic into christmas rather than the ****** thing if Jesus
being born, and Johnny went home and posted that on his website and it caused an uproar with
a lot of churchgoers, this made Johnny's parents very angry with him, and they tried so hard to
close down his website but Robert got on the net to tease the parents to let him express himself
and they said he is our son and they said he is our son and he shouldn't suffer like that and Robert said sometimes it is good to suffer to prove a point in this world, but Johnny's parents said he is only 13,
he shouldn't suffer like that, so Robert went into Johnny's school and took Johnny out to say you
must fight for what you believe in and he told him the story of how his parents thought he was the
devil because he believes in buddhism but if you really want to keep this website happening you must
work on a speech explaining how this cansave the world, so he went into his room and surfed the web
looking for the right things to say for his speech and he first of all learnt about buddhism and he learnt they respect everyone loud and quiet, and there are some people who are Buddhists who love christmas for the peace idea, so he started to write his speech of what he learnt and he learnt that
buddhists believe in staying on earth and mending each blade of grass, which helps healing everyone,
you know christians just believe in jesus saves but what the real story is that story is that knowing there
is a chance that you can live forever will save the world cause Christians hate when people do evil things saying once a crim always a crim, and Johnny explains that Robert posts all his info on his
buddhism website and he saves more people than Jesus ever could, cause buddhists respect you
if you are consertavative or very loud, as long as you don't fight that is ok, and yes Robert says that
Buddhists think Christmas brings peace and it is handy to know Santa brings the spirit than Jesus does,
cause Robert was the original Santa Claus and he can bring peace on earth quicker than quicker than christians because knowing you will never leave this earth is good enough like if it is too late for them but if you can live forever you should try because it will be fun to beat death once and for all and i believe to start this website to one day bring the magic of Santa into the real world and really say that
buddhism is the devil, and the only devil is the phedaphiles who do harm to kids of this land, we need
the kids to be happy, christmas is about peace on earth and good will to everyone and staying on earth believing you were born before this life is sign enough to go on living life like it's a big adventure cause
you will never know what the future has in store, so just live and forget about what others are doing, after getting his speech written he brought it Robert who proof read and did a few changes and then said to Johnny yourself out, you can do anything if you put your mind to it, so Johnny went around from
department store to department store trying to get approval to set up a table to show people the buddhist belief of christmas and every department store knocked him back it ruins people's Christmas
spirit despite Johnny saying hundreds and hundreds of times that this could help the future but still christians were getting upset and were rioting for days saying evil is in the Browns house, they believe in buddhism and buddhists are evil and this got mr and mrs Brown very angry with Johnny but Johnny said, this is piece have a read, it is fun but the parents said no you should learn that you are disobeying
the christian code and Johnny said no my way is more peaceful cause Santa brings happiness to christmas and Jesus brings suffering, and the parents left thinking their son is disappearing and losing touch on reality, saying you are going to die one day and we have a place for you in heaven and Johnny being young and not knowing the buddhist code about peace said, **** heaven, even though Robert liked it when Johnny said that Robert said they sound like the devil preachers, and you need
to understand they are doing it for your own benefit but if you want to believe that, by all means spread
the word but remember buddhists aren't preachers, no it's not a religion either, it's a way of life, and those crazy christians need to understand that they are not forming the work of the devil, but you must understand your parents though they are just protecting you buddy, and on that Johnny went into his room staying there for days and was thinking of a speech to read at the carols by candlelight with everything he has learnt by Robert, and he threw out so many pieces of paper one by one, till he found out what to say and then he ran down to the buddhist centre and told Robert, and Johnny and Robert went on the net via email to get himself a 15 minute spot on carols by candlelight in there local district and  they eventually got an appointment to have an interview at 2.30 two days before to see whether
it is worthy or not and they weren't very friendly implying that they are big christian ******* who don't deserve any credit and they said leave it with us and we'll let you know and Robert and Johnny left the
office very nervous about it all and Robert went back to the buddhist centre and Johnny went back to his room to write a new buddhist Christmas carol which went like this
A ray of a candle which is lighting up the sky
on the people walking down on earth
and a silver tongue was placed
on the devil's spear like this
is the day when buddha is born
and then some monks come
glittering through the sky
and the buddhist chant is at a
volume all so high
and everyone come along
and cheer with us
this is the day that buddha was actually was born
so this is the time we celebrate this fantastic day,
you know Buddha respects Aussie American
british, africa, and the middle east and south america too
and also they help tonga, isreal, and taibet and
the great oceans of the world
and yes after many attempts to get that right, Johnny ran down to the buddhist centre and showed Robert the song and Robert said this is great, and i have some good news Johnny, we are going
to have you read your speech at the christmas carols by candlelight at 6-45, and bring this song with us, and we can see if you can sing this too, and when the day of the christmas carols by candlelight
approached Robert and Johnny right before gearing up for the events and Johnny's parents went as
well because if they think buddhists are evil, they decided to support their son in his beliefs and at 6-45
Johnny came out to read his speech and also sing his song and everyone in the crowd clapped Johnny
like he had just won an Emmy because really he really got his message across and everyone was happy from that point on, Robert felt good about being a buddhist and Johnny helped there once a week getting help understanding buddhist philosophies and learning new things as normal kids do, and
johnny's parents tried to understand more about buddhism to get on board themselves and after 3 years they helped at the buddhist centre too and everyone had a great Christmas, buddhist style.
the end

Giants of StarTrack



Johnny'.  Hi dudes and welcome to StarTrack oval which is going to be a great match
Between the gws Giants and Geelong cats, the Giants are undefeated here with wins over
Gold Coast and Melbourne and this is promising to be a great encounter, and now here
Is Brendan with his little jingle

Go the Giants go the Giants we are the team that brings afl back to the nations capital
We will never never ever fail
You see we will make sure the Geelong cats score fewer like a little baby snail
Go the Giants of StarTrack yeah
Cool your hearts with a nice cold beer
And make sure the mighty Giants

Johnny'.  Yeah Brendan they was a great jingle and now here is Peter

Giants to win Giants to win, yeah they will win this game
Come on Giants you must play well
Yeah the Giants for victory
Giants to win here at star track yeah, go the mighty Giants

Johnny'.    Thanks Peter and here is another jingle from sue longways

Giants are better than any team, yeah we will have a nice cold beer
And maybe this could mean finals for us
But we must win today to find out where
I am sue longways here to cheer for the Giants
We will never ever get into anymore fights
We want a nice clean game
Yeah we will get the price of game
Me, sue longways supports the Giants baby
And we are in the jungle baby supporting the Giants to beat the cats
I am sue longways, I support the team right till the end
Go the gws Giants

Johnny'.  Ok that is enough for now i will be back at quarter time see ya


Quarter time

Johnny'.  Hi dudes welcome to quarter time fun and our Giants are 1-1-7 and the cats
Are 3-6-24 and what a match unfortunately not in our favour, here is tim with his jingle

We are Geelong the greatest team of all
Oh yeah Geelong we are certainly on the ball
We have got a hold on the Giants early
Yeah the mighty cats for victory oh yes e ree

Johnny'.   Now here is olly

Go the Giants go the Giants we must win this game
You see we must keep our performance up
Put the cats to sleep
Yeah go the Giants go the Giants
We are the team of 2015, well hopefully we will win today
And give our Canberra crowd members a win

Johnny'.  Ok I will be back at half time go the Giants


Johnny'.   Hi dudes and the cats has us on toast about 40  -  15, 25 points up
But I think the Giants have still hope, they should be further in front, well the Giants
Need to play well in the 2 nd half and now here is Robert

The cats are in front
At the half time break,
It's great to see them leading
And the cats are looking like winning
But the Giants could get closer
Go the mighty cats, I can't bare you to lose
johnny'.  Ok dudes and what a great match, as we draw the $1-000-000 prize now
So let's see what number it is, number 1235, and it is Harry burnseide and he has a winning
Jingle for us
Yeah I have won a million bucks oh yeah oh yeah
From this day I am a millionaire oh yeah oh yeah
You see today the cats are up against the Giants
And if you meet me at the bar I will shout you a beer
All the crowd yell out, saying give me a shout

Johnny'.  Ok congratulations to Harry and let's hope that gws can be undefeated on the Giants
Of StarTrack and yeah this is going to be radical and now here is a jingle from the Auskicker of the week

Go Giants go Giants we will win it we will win it
If we lose, please be up front so I can cheer you on cheer you on
The lights are on, the cats are in front
The drinks are on ice and so is God
Yeah come on the mighty Giants mate, kick some fucken ***

Johnny'.  Thanks to the Auskicker of the week and now here is John Barnes with his jingle

Go the Giants the mighty Giants
Will we win this game
We are down by 25, but there should still be hope
We must beat the cats
We are the greater Western Sydney Giants
The team who plays 3 in Canberra, go the mighty Giants

Johnny'.  We will be back at 3 quarter time, go Giants

Johnny'.    Welcome to 3 quarter time and the cats are still leading but the Giants are closing
IN on them and here is Harry with his jingle

go the Giants go the Giants
The might of the Giants are mightier
Come on the western Sydney Giants
Yeah we will rule the roost
We are the best at StarTrack yeah
Give us a nice cold beer for a nice cold day
Nothing hot about today, dude
johnny'.  Ok here is kenny with his jingle

We are the Giants the greatest team of all
Ready to put it to Geelong and force them to drop the ball
We will play this last quarter like it's our own
Like king Solomon on his thrown
The cats are going to get beaten because the Giants are looking pretty slick
The Giants for victory


Johnny thank you kenny and now back to the match
See you full time, go Giants

Johnny'.    Welcome back and the cats won 59-42 over the Giants and now we are on the ground for kick to kick and first we have a jingle by yetta

Go Geelong the greatest team of all
Go the cats we are always on the ball
We played the game so brilliantly yessiree
Today we played away
Go the mighty cats we are the prince of victory
Live from StarTrack oval

Johnny'. Ok here is deadly dean

The Giants should have won this game hoorah hoorah
We are the best in the league hoorah
My friend said what happened we lost this match
I say we would have won it if we got those goals
And deadly dean says he is the champion of the StarTrack oval crowd

Johnny'.  Thank you deadly dean and now Peter

The cats are the best by far
Hoorah hoorah
They are better than the Giants by far
Hoorah hoorah
The cats are the best by far
They were too good for the Giants oh yeah
Go the mighty cats, better by flaming far oh far
Coming in from the top

Johnny'.   Ok thanks Peter and now here is tommy Marcardle

Crack open the beer and cheer for the cats
And send those Giants to kingdom come
And if the Giants ask us for a bit of biff
We say we are too cool for fights
You see the cats were too strong today
And Giants sank into the ground
Yeah mate yeah, go the mighty cats, oh yeah
Send west Sydney to seventh heaven, dude

Johnny'.   Yeah, you sent those Giants to seventh heaven, real bad
Tommy'.   Yeah, top game and I will boost this ball right to the commentary box
Johnny'.   Ok, try it, but no you were no where near it and now here is Keith with his
Jingle


And now we draw the final curtain
Yeah the cats are the best by far
The Giants were never in it
Yeah the cats are fighting fit
We are oh we are oh we are fighting fit oh yessiree
You see the Giants were kicking horribly
I don't understand why they played well last week
But lost this week, then jimmy Bartel said,
That is because the cats were too good, oh yessiree

Johnny'.  Ok before we go, here is sue longways with her final jingle

And now we draw the final curtain
The Giants lost, oh yeah
I don't know what went wrong mate
But the cats were too good
You see, Giants fans will swing on the curtain
And drop to the bottom like they do
Go the mighty cats said our mate Keith
Hopefully the Giants will bounce back
And win the remaining matches ooh yeah

Johnny'.  Ok dudes, that is it for day, we will be back next year on the Giants of StarTrack
See you, dudes


Sent from my iPad

Johnny and Mary*

Now Johnny knew Mary since they were little tykes,
Running in the field, riding their bikes,
Like other little kids, they stayed out all day,
Doing their chores, later they'll play,
Johnny and Mary went to school,
Tried real hard, act real cool,
Johnny noticed Mary started to grow real fine,
Nice firm *******, big behin',
Johnny thought he'd take him a chance,
He asked Mary to the high shool dance,
Mary said fine, pick me up at eight,
Dress real sharp, now don't be late,
Johnny started thinkin' this could be his night,
Throw her a line, maybe she'll bite,
Johnny and Mary started to dance real slow,
Something in Johnny's pants, startin' to grow,
Johnny asked Mary to spend some time,
Back at my place, we can sit and unwind,
Johnny took Mary straight back to his pad,
This will be the best night, he's ever had,
Poured a little wine and dimmed the light,
Made sure everything, looked just right,
Went over to the stereo and put on a song,
Then he gave her a kiss, slow and long,
Their lips met and their tongues did a dance,
As Johnny reached down and undid his pants,
He removed hers too and went to town,
Got on his knees, he was going down,
Mary started to wiggle, moan and squirm,
As Johnny's tool got nice and firm,
A few more licks, a feel and a pet,
Mary's hole was nice and wet,
Stuck in the tip, a little poke,
Then all the way, he was startin' to stroke,
As Johnny got busy and started to ream,
All the neighbors could hear Mary scream,
Johnny got tense and was about to explode,
Into Mary he shot his load,
A few days later Mary felt real ill,
Then she remembered, she forgot her pill,
Mary gave birth to a fine looking son,
Mary's father started to clean his gun,
Johnny married Mary at City Hall,
He didn't want her dad to cut off his *****,
Johnny got a job so he could provide support,
He didn't want Mary draggin' him to court,
A few years down the road things didn't seem right,
Johnny and Mary were starting to fight,
There was a whole lotta fussin' and they began to shout,
Mary told Johnny she wanted him out,
Mary got a lawyer, just passed the bar,
Now Mary's driving Johnny's brand new car.

That is the story of Johnny and Mary...Later...*
07-03-09.

Little Johnny Piccolo is sitting in his room
and he’s gazing out his window on a stormy afternoon
He sees the clouds a-tumbling topsy-turvy through the gloom
on a wind that whips the winter through the trees
And there’s lashing licking raindrops streaming down the windowpane
So the scene is shimmer-shaking and can never stay the same
And wee Johnny’s all a-tremble with excitement in his veins
When Mummy enters, saying, “Johnny, please,

PICK up your lego now, PUT away your pens,
TIDY up your soldiers, and I WILL not ask again:
You NEED a tidy bedroom, I’m EXPECTING you to try!”
But Johnny stands defiant, shouting “WHY?!”

Well, Mummy is exasperated, horrified and cross,
she shakes her head in anger and she’s really at a loss
She calls into the corridor to show the boy who’s boss,
And Daddy enters, standing by her side.
“Now look here, boy,” his dad begins, “let’s lay it on the line:
I shouldn’t have to talk like this to any son of mine.
When Mummy gives an order you should smile and answer, ‘Fine!
I shall obey with pleasure and with pride!’

DON’T answer back, my boy, DO as you’re told
you MAY think it’s clever and you MAY think it’s bold
but BAD things can happen if you GIVE the wrong reply!”
But Johnny, slightly smiling, answers, “WHY?”

Well Daddy looks at Mummy now, and Mummy looks at Dad.
“D’you think that we should tell him?”  “Yes, I think we better had!”
Outside the weather worsens till it’s frighteningly bad
And dripping darkness gathers round the room
Daddy drops his voice as if he’s whispering in fear
Johnny has to hold his breath and turn his head to hear
“My boy,” his Daddy whispers, “there’s a fearsome buccaneer:
the Whyrate Captain, coming to your doom!

PLEASE pick your words, my lad, DON’T let him come!
TRY a little harder John, for ME and your mum!
IF the Whyrates come for you it REALLY is goodbye!”
But Johnny, rather shaken, answers, “Why?”

Oh, Heaven only help us!  What a stupid thing to say!
Johnny looks in shock, as both his parents back away
Their hands are up in panic as the black and stormy day
Begins to shake the window in its frame!
Then SMASH! goes the glass as lightning streaks across the sky
The wind goes whipping round them as his parents turn to fly
And through the crashing darkness Johnny hears a shrieking cry,
“We’ve got him lads!  The Whyrates stake their claim!”

IN through the window comes a GRINNING, swarthy man
a QUESTION mark the cutlass that he’s WAVING in his hand
“COME, lad,” he wheezes, “you are JUST our type of guy!”
And Johnny, frozen, barely whispers “Why?”

“Ya-HAR!” The captain bellows in a whirlwind of glee,
“I knew it lads, this boy’s the one!  We’re taking him to sea!”
And quick as thought he grabs him with a one and two and three
and bundles Johnny through the rising dark
Now, maybe you’d be frightened – I am sure I’d yell for aid
If a bunch of crazy Whyrates hauled me off upon a raid
But Johnny, little Johnny, he is not one bit afraid –
Instead, he thinks, “At last! I’ve made my mark!”

OUT of the garden now and INTO the night
BACK through the gloom his bedroom DISAPPEARS from sight
OFF to the shoreline where a SAIL obscures the sky
And stitched in silver letters – simply, ‘WHY?’

Now Johnny doesn’t know it, but these Whyrates he has met
are about the most notorious of villains you could get
and many weary kingdoms are unlikely to forget
the day the Whyrates sailed into their shores
And what is it that makes them just so deadly and so feared?
Is it all the men they’ve murdered?  All the children they have speared?
Well, no – in fact the truth of it is really rather weird:
They simply ask what’s not been asked before!

WHY should the people have to BOW before the king?
WHY should the government rule EVERY little thing?
WHY should so much be owned by OH so very few?
And no-one anywhere has any clue!

And so it is in Bannerland, a country miles away
Whose population struggles just as Johnny’s whisked away
The lives that people lead there – well, I hardly like to say –
you can hear them weeping, wailing in the streets!
They live around the palace where the crazy King does lie,
just taking – never giving – in a bed that’s warm and dry
His dungeons break the bedrock and his turrets split the sky
while folks below must work so he can eat.

SUCH is their misery that NOBODY has thought
to ASK of anyone how this has COME to be their lot
When OUT of the east upon a FOAMING ocean swell
The Whyrates land, and Johnny’s there as well!

Well word gets to the Palace, and the King jumps from his bed
Shivering and shaking, comfort overcome by dread
“Burn the ship!” he hollers, “and I want the captain’s head!
We’ll have no questions here in Bannerland!”
But up from the harbour Whyrates bundle by the score
A ripple of inquiry from the palace to the shore
And Bannerlanders flock to them, all asking more and more,
determined that it’s time to make a stand.

“WHY should we help a man who TREATS his people thus?
WHY should we think of one who NEVER thinks of us?
WHY should we hold him up, when REALLY, he should fall?”
The Whyrates crackle-cackle through it all.

Well Johnny stands in wonder and delight at what he sees
As questions shake the kingdom like a tempest through the trees
And Johnny thinks, “You know, this is my realm of expertise,
I think I’ll go and see what happens now!”
And there, before his very eyes a miracle begins
The palace starts to crumble as the King goes mad within
And the jangling of treasure can be heard above the din
as gold and silver spill across the ground!

GOLD for the beggar-men, GOLD for the slaves
JEWELS for the serving girls in SPARKLE-jingled waves
FOOD for the hungry and CLOTHES for them to wear
(Of course, the Whyrates take a modest share!)


Well that was just the start, of course, of Johnny’s long career
He travelled with the Whyrates out to countries far and near
Starting revolutions everywhere they would appear
A simple question, then it’s back to sea
But when at last he wearied of the buccaneering days
He travelled bravely homewards through the tumble tossing waves
To Mummy, and to Daddy, and that’s where our Johnny stays,
A most obliging son, they both agree!

And IF he should grow weary, and BEGIN it all once more
and START to grumble grumpily when ASKED to sweep the floor
say “WHY should I go back to life the WAY it always was?”
Well, Mum and Dad just smile, and say, “Because!"

Johnny Warren after life all-stars v the Saturn stringers




Johnny warren got together an after life soccer team with players like Don Bradman, as well as 2Pac, and even Christopher Reeve, also Elvis Presley, and Paul Berenyi, and Brett Eggins, we're all fired up to give Saturn a total soccer makeover, Johnny Warren alan picked Scott McDonald as well as Billy Thorpe and Tony Campbell and Saturn was a team who had some very good names as well, who are John FKennedy, Robert Kennedy as well as Martin Luther King, Walter Burley Griffin who has lived on Saturn since 1980, earth time, and never wanting to go , because Saturn has really nice homes where he can be a good athlete, also Jack Dyer and Tony Grieg and Chris Mainwaring made up the numbers.
So the game started and Johnny Warren started the play, passing it to Christopher Reeve, who is trying to bring Superman in with a really beautiful kick up the centre which is blocked by Martin Luther king, who passes it to burley Griffin who stops to look down on earth, to hear what a stupid professor is trying to say he'd like, and used his powers with a kick which made the goal, to put Saturn in the lead 1-0, the kick off came and Johnny Warren gave a big kick up which was intercepted by Jack Dyer, who dribbled it up the field, trying to stop the interception, by the other players, and then after that he passed it to Martin Luther king, who began to dribble it down a few more times, and nearly got a goal, but he missed,and the ball was intercepted by 2Pac, who ran right to the other side and kicked it in the goal, and it was counted, and that made the score 1-1, and 2Pac very happy and went to the crowd, and said, me and Johnny W, go back a long way, in afterlife sports.
The kick off happened as Martin Luther king kicked the ball over to John F Kennedy, who dribbled it further down the field, and dodged so many of Johnny Warren all star players, and finally passed it and the Johnny Warren Allstars intercepted it and John F Kennedy tried to block 2Pac the whole way, and he did and then John F Kennedy passed it to brother Robert and Robert ran down to the other side, dribbling the ball as he goes, but Billy Thorpe, intercepted it and ran down to the other side, with the ball and passed the ball to Johnny Warren who missed from right in front, and suddenly Walter Burley Griffin got the ball and dribbled it down to the other end, and yes, he kicked but it was saved very nicely by the Johnny Warren All stars goalkeeper, yes, this game was looking very good, you see these are only 1 half games,,because Johnny Warren wanted it that way, as Paul Berenyi ran it to the half way line and passed it to Brett Eggins who ran it down and as soon as he got to the goal line, he passed it to Johnny Warren who snuck it in to 2Pac who scored the Johnny Warren all stars second, and that made the score 2-1, with 2 minutes to go in the match, and the reason why there is no half time, because the players are the undead, and they don't need to break cause they can no longer be killed,
And Martin Luther king ran it down and flicked it across to John F Kennedy who passed it to Johnny Warren who was so excited he booted the ball all the way to the other side, and 2Pac knocked it in, to make the score 3-1, yes and this was really exciting for Johnny Warren and then Margaret Thatcher came into the field and Paul Berenyi booted the ball so hard, It hit Margaret thatcher right in the noggin,,and despite trying very hard to hurt her, she can't be hurt, but people can try to hurt her if they want to, and then Margaret Thatcher, left, saying I want that Paul Berenyi in Mercury, and then Martin Luther King scores a goal and at the end of the match, the score was, 3-2 to Johnny Warren all stars, and Johnny Warren sat down and had a talk with Paul Berenyi, and Paul said it's the after life coach, she can't be hurt, but Johnny, said I know, but we need to be nice to one another, or you Paul Berenyi will be locked in Mercury for all eternity, and Paul said he'll behave, and was let off with a warning.

party zone with the two johnny’s


johnny brown’   hi dudes and welcome to party zone on this sad day

in the history of comedy, yeah ronnie corbett died today

and now i bring out the second johnny who is johnny kensape

who was a fab of ronnie corbett and the magpies beat the tigers

by 1 point and we have tom with his jingle about that

tom’  good old collingwood forever dude

playing footy is what we do

side by side we stick together dude

we go after the tiger with a mighty swoop

can’t you hear the crowd singing dude

singing a loud song oh yeseree

the crowd lift up their voices and cheer for

the good old collingwood

johnny matheson’  thanks tom and here is a special jingle for ronnie corbett

sorry, the two ronnies ain’t so hot

the frost report brought up my dinner

the memories i get from that great man

ummmmmmm ummmmmmm ummmmmm the great man is dead

death is an end to suffering by us, only kidding by him

you see he had a cool style of comedy

everyone liked him oh yeseree

ummmmmmmm ummmmmmmmm ummmmmm  RIP ronnie corbett

and now it’s time for the news, the sad passing of a great british comedian

ummmmmmm ronnie corbett rest in peace

johnny brown’  ok dudes, here is ron kennetth and he has a jingle about ronnie corbett

ron’    i love you i love you i love you

your a great man/comedian

you were an excellent entertainer

and told us a lot of jokes

why did ronnie cross the road

because he wanted to live a long and fruitful life

i hope you meet up with ronnie barker because the two ronnies was my favourite show

i love you i love you i love you

you said good night from me and good night from him

you dressed up as so many medieval characters and told jokes about that

i love you i love you i love you

RIP GREAT ENTERTAINER ronnie corbett

johnny matheson’   what show did ronnie corbett regret doing

none of them ‘sorry’ ‘bout that

ummmmmm you performed in a lot of great musicals

even graham norton got to speak to you in person

and i guarantee he enjoyed the experience

it was only recent too, you are a great man ronnie

and death hasn’t stopped you

you will go up to big comedy festival up in the sky

and party on till your next life mate

johnny brown’ and now here is a song by red tape about the late great ronnie corbett


red tape’  

i heard you tell some jokes dude, man you are so cool

and you played medieval characters and dressed up in funny clothes

you were in the good show sorry, and the great show now look here

you see you made us laugh and thanks to youtube you will never die

i went to the stand up comedy shows

and laughed at you like i was losing my teeth

you see it’s nearly anzac day, and you won’t be able to lay a wreath

i find you were like charlie chaplin, the 70s and 80s version anyway

you starred in cinderella back in the year 200 yeah

you did a sketch book show about the two ronnies

he had his own supper club

and mate he had a party in buckingham palace yeah mate yeah

ronnie i wish i was you, ronnie i wish good things for your next life

corbett is on the honour role ****** oath he deserves it

and we sau, no, that’s me over here saying it is sad when the great entertainer dies

ya old dog

johnny matheson’   and now time for the news

a man died yesterday, yeah a man died, it was ronnie corbett

johnny brown’  a religious freak was thrown into the lake

and when he found out that the lake was prohibited to swim in

the man said, he is a jesus freak, he should walk on water

johnny matheson’  google cardboard plastic is the world’s first 'actual reality’ headset,

this video shows how it works

what’s realer than real?  nothing, that’s why google is launching the first ever headset

johnny brown;  pimple popping videos are gross - so what it is that makes us watch them?

johnny matheson’  news flash, john f kennedy has risen from the dead

only to fall over and die again

johnny brown’  that is enough news, so it’s good night from me

johnny matheson’  and it’s good night from him

the two johnny’s together’  and goodbye RIP to our great pal ronnie corbett

i hope you reunite with ronnie barker

good bye from party zone catch ya later dudes

We cannot have the new kid getting teased

You see Johnny Hapleton wants to go down the mall
Mainly because he is tired of his little brother teasing him, oh woh
And his family moved into this business mans house
And every day his brother would tease him all day
And make Johnny scared to do as his parents wanted
And yes at night his brother would be quiet
Johnny was sick of it, and said to his brother
Do you value your life, cause if you don't stop teasing me
Just for because I like to e cool, I will come to you
In your sleep, and before you know it, your killed
And the very next day, Johnny went to the mall
And a kid who lived on the popular end of town
Went out the same time as him, and he made a habit if it every time
Johnny went to the mall, he said to Johnny, your like us, man
And Johnny said, I am the new kid, and the kid said your like us, man
Johnny felt like saying, I was a loser in my old town
But instead he said, I am a man, and the kid, ****** oathe your a man
Your like us, man, and Johnny kept on saying I am a man
And the kid said your like us, man we like you, yes we do
We like you the best out of your family
No one in your family is cooler than you
Your like us, man
Then Johnny said, but I am a man
The kid said, yes ****** oathe your a man like us
And since then, Johnny's moral was lifted so high
And when Johnny left the mall, not just at the start
But every time, Johnny would say I am a man, I am a man
And the kid would say, ****** oathe your a man your like us
And we like you more that your family and then the kid
Left saying yes, he's a fool, he fell for it, he ain't like us
And what Johnny heard was be a man, your like us
And really this kid was teasing Johnny, implying that
He is still getting teased, and he is nota cool kid to it
He should just sit there and jitter, but the kid noticed he jittered
Saying your getting tested , oh yeah, yeah yeah
Get ****** mate, and his friend said yeah man oiss off
And it took 33 years for Johnny to realise that
These kids hated him, but maybe they wouldn't have
If he behaved himself, yes that sounds so cool
Oh yeah, get ******, yeah man go
Doing his little kiddie dance to it, making him say
Get ****** mate yeah man moving his feet like he is
Jittering to a tease, so Johnny actually does get teased
But no one really is teasing Johnny
Johnny is in his own little world
But he knows that all now, but doesn't want revenge on them
Cause he's nice


Sent from my iPhone

party zone with johnny brown

pictures on brian allan's Facebook page profile tapestry

johnny’   hi dudes and welcome to party zone at the royal canberra show

and we have just been entertained by the team d max and boy were they

exciting and the two wheel wheelies were pretty cool as well

and now we have people with some jingles about the show

here is the first from young peter

peter’  i like the show ever so much from the side show to the

fun in the arena, i really like the cars, yo it’s fun and the whip cracking is the the coolest around

you see we have barbecues and chips and chips on a stick and fish and chips

and mate, there is plenty to drink and later there is more fun in the arena, yeah mate yeah let’s party

dude, yo let’s get down

johnny’  thank you peter for that great jingle and now here is harry with his jingle

harry’   party on yeah party on

the time to have fun is now

with show bags and side show alleys and stuff on the arena too

i saw the cars, ahh so rad and i saw the heritage area too

that is the most exciting thing i have ever done

canberra canberra canberra

show show show

the best show in oz

johnny’  thanks harry and here is josh morgan with his little jingle

josh’  oh come to the canberra show and enjoy the rides and ****

and enjoy the cars doing the dirt burnouts, yeah that sounds so cool

and don’t forget to watch the fashion parade

and we can really enjoy that

you see i won a teddy bear and i will give it to my missus

hoping she will really like it, i think she will

this is the best show on the east of australia

come on and party from start to finish

at the royal canberra show, yo dude

johnny’   hi dudes and now we are around the young farmers for the challenge heats

and they all sing their little jingle, here it goes

young farmers

we are the greatest my friend

we will show who will win it till the end

and we are about to play in our challenge heats

and each one will be pressing to win

and mate we are the young farmers

and we will triumph over all mankind, young farmers

johnny’  this is a great day at the canberra show and here is john with a jingle about the young farmers

john’   you see we throw a boot in the bucket and we do it well

and we plant our own seed and we must know the seed

and we unwrap the swag and then we milk the cow, yeah that is cool

as we grab the potatoes and we hammer the nail

and who does it all first wins the battle wins the battle wins the battle

yeah, now we have done all that

we should party hardy dude

johnny’  thanks john and now we see the presentation and it is a good team who won

Johnny'.     Welcome back to party zone and we just had

The ford v Holden ute challenge and here is Daniel is giving

Us a jingle about what he saw

Daniel' gentlemen start your engines

As the ford is going to splash all the stones on us

The Holden does the same thing on the other side

You see as the burn outs and then trying to get around

The witch's hats without knocking them over, they fail miserably

Then as you are in the crowd trying to enjoy your ice cream soda

Yeah mate yeah the car kicks all the stones all  over you

And now after doing so many laps to please the crowd

They go off and burnout once more past us,

And I will tell you all on party zone, yeah it is the right time for partying oh yeah

Johnny'.  Thank you Daniel and now let's find a decent party somewhere, dude

Johnny'.  Welcome back and we are currently watching the harness racing and these

Horses are fighting fit, as we are waiting for team d max and Showtime fmx and there is

No rain, which is good, and now here us young Toby Mitchell with his jingle

Toby'.  It is getting darker and we are preparing for a great night ahead

You see I am sitting here with my fave food, banana bread

It is not too hot nor is it too cold, and we are never to old to enjoy ourselves on this nice Canberra night

You see we are at the Canberra show soaking up the atmosphere

I am at the start saying Canberra show is the best fun you can have


Johnny'.  Ok and now it's time to go, from party zone

From the Royal Canberra show and the fireworks are lighting

Up the sky and weren't the Utes and motorbikes great, yeah

And here is Fred to do a poem about

Fred'.  You see the motorbikes go up and meet

Each other, and then they go down the other side

And they chuck wheelies and so did the ute

Yeah mate yeah it is so fucken rad

And I really like the ute doing a two wheel wheelie on the side

And I went away to buy fresh lemonade and fries

The side show alley was just as cool

You see I chucked up all over little ole you

You hated it and you gave me a wollop

And I gave you a lemonade with ice cream dollop

Johnny'.  Thanks Fred and now here is another act for you

From ken

Ken'. You shook Canberra all night long

And you partied all fucken day

And that's the truth

Johnny'.  Good bye from party zone catch ya later dudes

Giants of Manuka

Johnny’. Hello and welcome to the cold Manuka oval in Canberra for the last giants home match being played here and tonight, the opponent is the mighty Adelaide crows, who were last years runners up, and this year they meet with giants are 4th while the crows are on 12th, it should be a great game this evening and hopefully we won’t get anymore rain but we very well might and now at the gate here is Gil tucker, well Gil have we got any happy crowd members
Gil’. Yes Johnny we have 4 people from rivett singing a jingle they made up this morning
4 from Rivett’
Come on giants, the crows have had their chance, they lost last years grand final and we fell one game short but who cares about 2017 when the giants are still up in the 8 and if we win today we will be pressing to beat what we did for the last 2 years so carn the mighty giants mate pile the pressure on mate
Carn the mighty giants never give up without a fight
Go giants, Adelaide are finished
Go the mighty giants
Gil’. Thank you for that lovely bit of entertainment here at giants at Manuka and Johnny, I think it will be a lovely night for footy here at Manuka
Johnny’. Thank you Gil and now both teams are out on the ground training and getting a feel of the ground and there is no sign of rain at the moment but who knows what will happen later, now the banners of the giants and crows have just arrived on the ground and mate there are a lot people who are part of both teams especially the giants, playing to get themselves back to the top 4 and the mascots have come on the ground as well, this is very exciting ready for a footy party mate and what a party it is, first of all the giants running on, and then came the crows, this is going to be a great night for footy, and now over to Gil, with some more spectators chants
Gil’ thanks Johnny and here is Bradley Simmons from Queanbeyan with a song for you
Brad’ ok we are cheering loud
And also strong the team is the mighty giants
They will put on the power to get back in the 4
Where they ****** belong
I know the crows are good
But they have had their chances
Yes we must go one better this year
So the way we will do that
Is to win our last match here
In Manuka
Go giants of Manuka
Gil’ thank you brad and now back to Johnny
Johnny’ yeah,what a chant and I hope the giants have what it takes to win this evening
So let’s get ready to party dudes, let’s see if the giants have what it takes to beat the crows tonight
Quarter time
Johnny’ welcome to the quarter time show and our giants and the crows are head to head
Giants are 4 4 28 just 1 point in front of the crows 4 3 27 and it is a crackerjack game so far and dance cam has just started and they dance holding the ball in the air and meanwhile the giants and the crows are still in their groups and here is Gil with his fan
Gil’ yes here is rob
Rob go giants keep it up
A close first quarter now we must break away
Go giants
Gil’. Thank you rob and now back to the match
Johnny’ yes what a match this has turned out to be the crows are 7 7 49 to our mighty giants of Manuka 6 9 45, a very close match for both teams tonight and now over to Gil with some spectators with their chants, hopefully these chants will inspire our giants to play a good second half
Gil’. Thank you Johnny and yes it is a very exciting game and now here is Jane with her chant
Jane’. My name is Jane and I say right here
That the giants are good enough to win the cup this year
You see they need to hold their marks and kick goals rather than behinds but if they do that
The sky is the limit you see
So if you are enjoying this close game the giants are definately going to claim the fame
Go giants
Gil’ thank you Jane and now bob with his chant
Bob go go go go go the giants must win
Go go go go go go they are the best around
In every single town oh yeah
The mascots are having fun
But they prefer us to be leading
We need to cut them up till they are bleeding go giants go
Gil’ ok thanks bob and now back to Johnny
Johnny’ love the chants and now queen are blasting the stadium as our giants of Manuka have entered the ground as well as the crows and umpires, oh well here is the second half
Go the mighty giants
Johnny’ welcome to three quarter time and a great match with the giants getting back in front the giants are 11 14 80 to the crows 10 9 69, 11 points up and I can tell you that the giants have the power to win, but Adelaide are keeping it close
What a great game here is Gil
Gil’ thank you and now here is a chant from jack from Sydney
I love you I love you I love you said the umpire to the crows
I love you I love you I love you
We are counting all their wohs
The march has a quarter to go
So go the giants give us a go
Gil’ thank you and now time for the final quarter go giants
Johnny’ welcome to the full time wrap and what a win for the GWS, over the Adelaide crows
GWS 15 16 106 to Adelaide 13 14 92 and the giants of Manuka surely reigned supreme and here is Gil with some of the spectators
Gil’. Yeah what a win for the giants and that put them back in the top 3 and now here is Peter from Campbelltown with his victory song
Peter’ it is the big big sound
From Canberra town
The team is the mighty giants
They won the match
The crows will splat
In the boots before the giants
We jump up to our highest peak
Better than the rest
We are the greater western Sydney giants
Stronger than the rest
Gil’ thanks Peter and mate it was a great game
Peter’ yeah what a win by the greater western Sydney giants
Top win better than the rest
Go giants
Gil’ and now here is olly
Olly’ go giants we have won
We knocked the crows to kingdom come
Yes we’re great and we can make the grand final
We will be ready for the tigers
We will win
Go giants go giants go giants go
The team from Sydney with a lot of get up and go
Go giants
Gil’ yeah thank you olly and I can say just one thing go the mighty giants for 2018
And now back to Johnny to sign off from giants of Manuka
Johnny’ yeah, what a win
The giants 15 16 106 to the crows 13 14 92 and I want to say to all the kick to kick dudes
Just one thing, are you ready dudes
Kick to kick people’
And now we draw the final curtain
Yes it’s the giants triumphant against the crows
There were a few hiccups
But at the end it was totally wild
Everybody cheered forever
The party was pretty cool
Now let’s go home or to our parties yes go the giants yeseree
Go the giants
Johnny’ thanks for watching giants of Manuka and go the giants for the rest of the year ok
Catch ya dudes and dudettes