I'm losing it.
Anger, Ease, Relief, Gulit, Pain, Numbness;
It's just a cycle.
It's just me.
It always has been.

She's just a stereotype.

Childhood:

Daddy didn't love her,
or Mommy apparently...
blamed herself,
for years...

Teenager:

Lost, without showing it.
Great actress, especially with those closest to her.
Yet, she found a way out...
And she almost took it to far.

Couple years later:

Naive to men,
they took advantage of her innocence,
her childhood complex to trust.
Made her believe herself again;
how people truly were beautiful underneath.

Fooled again.

and again. and again. and again.

. . .

Now:

She sees her reflection,
and tries to see beyond it once more.
To see that woman that once trusted,
once believed in blind faith,
was once clumsy with uncertainty,
instead of clumsy from drink...

She is just confused;
Lost,
within herself.
Afraid,
of breaking down.
Guilty,
from hurting him.
Angry,
for letting this continue.
Exhausted.

Exhausted from her own punishment.

Why did I write this, you ask?

I don't know;
maybe I wanted to organize my thoughts.
Maybe I wanted someone to actually listen.
Maybe I just wanted help.
I don't know.

Thank you though,
for listening;
to the deranged odes,
of a sad, and silly soul.

. . .