Dance in dark
Delight in days
Revel in reality slipping slowly to the gray.
Inky black comfort dripping into haze.

Distraught in denile
Damaged in disdain
Rememberd reason trembeling in shadows to the grave.
Nervous the edge of sanity sinking slowly below the brave.

Cringe in quiet
Crumble in cacophony
Bask in benign indifference to the coming of the fray.
Shape the broken mold into which is squezed the clay.

Form in function
Friction in fruition
Extrapolate from nothing what is real of what is fake.
Drive doom through the heart wooden to the stake.

Damaged and distroyed, disturbed and distrought, this is the friction of the fraught.

We met for the first time one summer evening, school was over and I went up to your house, not knowing or expecting to see you, but there you were, a lively sprout just being yourself, enjoying life like never before. ( Those days were simpler, happier) Although we weren't friend's, we became just that, playing childhood games and being lively and carefree like never before.

Time is the worst enemy of all of us but the greatest ally of change, and change is what we have done like no others, now we are no longer carefree and and happy, change is a tricky miracle as for some it does all the good in the world and for others like us, just hurts and torments.

We spent a lot of time not knowing or seeing each other, we are different people, void of any connection with our past, and I don't delude myself, I know that our friendship was once close but no longer.

Not long ago we started seeing each other again, external forces pushing us together whilst pulling us apart, life is no longer simple or enjoyable for either of us, you glued to a loving tyrant whilst I distroyed and drowning in my own life scape.

What I feel and despite all and everything telling me not to, I truly love you, in every way that a person can love, and instead of describing why and what I love you about you, for which I would undoubtedly run out of space in the universe, I'm going to say this, I love you for who you are and who you'll become, I am pulled towards you like a fallen angel is pulled towards sin.

I would tell you, I would love to sit you down during a star filled night and give you every reason for why to me you're the meaning of life, but if  I did I would only hurt you, my feelings for you are not wrong as no feelings are, but I worry about your life, your change constitutes both my ascention and my downfall. You're my everything and I want you to know that you can always rely on me, as I won't ever stop loving you.

With Love 
My dearest

I am hear and I am there
One home two home
Blue home new home.
scattered shattered as-if-it-mattered.
I've paid cost for my moms loss
I have learned and I have yearned
day by day with my new say
with her toss I can't feal lost or I'll cry and they'll  ask why.
I get scared when i get tared,
over and over the story's bin shared.
            with all her cries made into lies,
no one would lisson help her  with this mission
they  distroyed her they deployed  her
she's old and untold just a mess by the guess,
with her cold man the beast with a hand
knew how to hit and not how to quit.
I was young and showed him my tounge I didn't lisson he belonged to the prison.
I'm her last choice , she just burn't her voice.
I'm her gold key to setting her free
why'ed she say yes when he stepped to his knee?
to be with him she thinks he'dahhh lisson.
all he would do is give her a *****,
Give me my Mommy! stop making her drain all you have gave her is a lost brain.
and my heart?.
just a pain ....
I can't live to be her I can't stand to see her.
all that we had you turned into bad every last bit you made a big fit,.

being poetic sometimes just comes to you naturally. the words flow through you onto the paper in a beautiful rythmic way and they paint an emotional landscape of thoughts and feelings but then someone sees it finds all the flaws all the things that made you feel it was yours that made you feel unique ruined. you feel exposed, hurt, scared. you hide from yourself you won't let your muse out for fear of having your art distroyed altered and corrupted. so you change you pick up a brush you dip it in the paint and you let the flow begin again. your strokes are thrown at the canvas where you feel the anger, your strokes become detailed and gentle when you feel happiness or calm emotions. but then someone sees it they see only the flaws they tear it apart and you along with it. where the lines are jagged from your anger and disappointment they only see uneveness and imperfection. where the shading is uneven from the sadness and the pain they only see imperfection they can't see what precious beauty lay deep inside the painting and the use there words to hurt you to make you feel like you were wrong like your not doing good enough. so you swear never to touch a brush again you will never let yourself flow with emotions like that ever again you tell yourself. but then you change you learn to play the piano you learn to make your fingers glide across the keys in the same was a figure skater glides across the ice. and with each key stroke you heart beats a note that flows out through the piano like blood through your vains. it feels natual it feels good it makes you feel alive you let go. everything comes out everything you feel and think flows through your fingers the notes of your heart beat expressed through the notes of the piano. the feel of the ivory on your finger tips becomes unnoticable you beome one with the flow of the music your heart beats in time with the rhythm of you soul of your music. and then someone hears it they come in and they take a seat and for a while they listen then they stand up and without a word they leave the room and you continue to play you let your flow continue you pay no mind to the person who just left the room. they return they have brought people with them and they sit quitely and say nothing. you stop playing you stand nod to each aknowlegeing their presense and then leave because the music wasn't for them it wasn't for them to judge even though as you leave you hear the people talk about how amazing they felt you were you no longer care they approval or disapproval means nothing its no longer about your art being good or being acceptable its about being...

I am hear and I am there
One home two home
Blue home new home.
scattered shattered as-if-it-mattered.
I've paid cost for my moms loss
I have learned and I have yearned
day by day with my new say
with her toss I can't feal lost or I'll cry and they'll  ask why.
I get scared when i get tared,
over and over the story's bin shared.
            with all her cries made into lies,
no one would lisson help her  with this mission
they  distroyed her they deployed  her
she's old and untold just a mess by the guess,
with her cold man the beast with a hand
knew how to hit and not how to quit.
I was young and showed him my tounge I didn't lisson he belonged to the prison.
I'm her last choice , she just burn't her voice.
I'm her gold key to setting her free
why'ed she say yes when he stepped to his knee?
to be with him she thinks he'dahhh lisson.
all he would do is give her a *****,
Give me my Mommy! stop making her drain all you have gave her is a lost brain.
and my heart?.
just a pain ....
I can't live to be her I can't stand to see her.
all that we had you turned into bad every last bit you made a big fit,.

I was in love
In love with you darling
I melted like a popsicle on a hot summers day
But you left me
You left without me
You left me broken
You broke me
My heart is shattered
My soul died

I was in love with you
I fought for you
I stood up for you
But you left me
You left me on the cold floor
You hurt me
My spirit no longer lives
My mind is distroyed

I was in love with you
But you left me
Left me alone

Mommy think about this
Do you really understand
Do you know the consequences
This is not part of the master plan

I am supposed to be here
Please don't do this
Don't you want me to be near

I love you mommy
Do you not care
I am your baby
Your darling child

I am the one you will never replace
I want a chance at life
I will not be a disgrace
You will regreat this choice you are making
Maybe not not but soon

I knw you have had your heart broken
Mine has been cut into pieces
I face is gone
My beautiful eyes are distroyed

You need to say sorry
You hurt me bad
Why didi you do it
Was it a hard decision to make
You never even saw my face
I am sorry you took my life from me
I know you loved me anyway
For i am the only one who can know
Because I was inside of you

I hope to see you again someday
In the sky's far away
Awayfrom this place where my life was cut so short
Into your hands with tears no more

I am now here in heaven
Jesus holds me in his hands
He tells me you did not know
But you will soon understand

Sad, distroyed, upset I am
Pain, memories are getting stronger than they were
Monsters, demons are coming alive once again
Oh no...
Here goes to the past I once lived in...

I'm thinking bad thoughts
Thoughts about hurting my self like I did in the past
Great... It's starting
I'm in pain crying
I need help!
I'm taking to many steps back!

I want to feel the blood dripping down my arm as I scream and holler in pain!
I want to tear my skin apart and start new scars that would appear once again!
STOP!
I want to start making myself throw up like I did in the past
Not to make me skinny, but for the pain it gives me when I'm too under weight!
Please stop...
I want to do something dangerous that would put me in the hospital for months!
Please don't say it...please stop...
I want to die! Please by anything at all! I want my body all ****** and my guts to be everywhere, but it has to be a painful death!
(Crying)

I want the pain to come alive again because I deserve it...
I DESERVE IT!

My life use to be like river's flow,
Never changed path, my craziness made other to bow,
But life never run in the same row...

My age become a dam of expectations,
Expected Maturity create weir to my emotions,

I am changing my ways as per society norms,
My fishes of emotions and dreams are eaten by conservative worms,

My people are diverting my way to grow,
I am flowing calmly without any anger-fear show,

But I doubt,
I Doubt how more can I hold..

My dream, ambition & my crazyness is suffocating in this muddy cage,
I fear, I might get distroyed or distroy everything in my rage,

Will I get my free flow,
In the moonlight will I ever glow..

Now only Time will tell...
Will I or they bow?