The feeding tube had left her mouth a gap.
Allowing her breath to dry, her lips and crack. I dampend the spounge on a stick and applied the moisture her lips severaly were lacking.
I had never seen her like this.  
Helplessness doesn’t suit her, yet she has been wearing it for months now because of me I’m sure.
She opened her eyes.
My heart skipped a beat.
I pull from my transe of guilt and rise from my seat. “Hello.” I say wiping away any trace of tears, but no matter how hard I tried I knew I wouldn’t wipe away the fear.
I wait, watcing her reaction intently.
“Please remember me this time…” I beg her without a single word.
“Pain…” Her voice cracked..
“I’m in pain Ashley.” Her words slurred.
I push the button for the nurse and kiss her forhead. She remembers me this time!
I don’t know what to say beside, “I’m so sorry.” In shame.
15 months ago I graduated high school.... This should be the beginning, not the end.
She cried and I held her head to my chest as I brushed her hair with my fingers.
Something she taught me long ago.
Her loving gestures through my heart will always echo. She helped me survive.
She was my breathing machine.
My morphine.
My life coach.
Once medicated she fell asleep.
She left her pain for now, but the thought that in hours her pain would wake her made me weap.
There was a light knock and the curtain opended.
A lady wearing nice clothes and a gentle smile stepped forward.
“Hello Ashley, I’m Janice with St. Mary’s hospice.” "Hospice?" I ask, never hearing of it before.
She was one of many that week.
After nearly a month, mom woke up.
“I’m tired,” Her dry house voice tried to speak.
Her lips began to quiver against the feeding tube, she was so weak.
“Close your eyes and rest.” I said knowing there was a deeper meaning in her words.
She shook her heard no, tears now streaking her face. “Stop.” She croaked.
I knew she wanted to leave this place.
I pressed the button for the nurse.
“Are you ready to take the feeding tube out mom?” I asked openly, regreating every word.
She looked at me with such big eyes, so much emotion stirred.
Extreme fear, confusion, sadness, feeling I’d never seen her express.
I hated seeing her in this stranger like state.
Imagine the pressure layed upon you, to choose your fate.
In a way, I know, for my job was to figure moms wants and then make her life or death decision.
With her beautiful eyes locked on mine, she shook her head yes.
“Are you sure?” Oh how I wish I could clean up this mess.
She shook her head yes again as the nurse got another stranger. After the nurse gave her more morphine I asked for the number to St. Johns hospice.
Mom started to drift away and I left her with a kiss. They removed the feeding tube.
13 days passed.
Much longer then the doc’s thought she’d last.
No food.
No water.
The repeated question ran through my head, was I a good or bad daughter.
Regaurdless my selfish thoughts, she lay still unable to answer, she looked happier though.
She never spoke after we talked about her choice to leave, how I’d wished she said no.
I lived in complete shame.  
I had lost the best part of me, without her, my body felt lame.
I had to be strong for my sister, whom I’d been left to care for.
I was her stone.
I then lived as a stone.
Brainless, emotionless, cold. How would she have felt to see me living like this….
It would **** her, the thought lingered like a poisonous kiss.
I had to live again. I have to live for the both of us now, the way it had never been.

Ive watched you weap
Bemoan in subtlety, without reason
Attempt to give light on an obsidian subject

Ive seen you bicker and cross swords
A struggle felt for miles
Have our confrontations meant nothing to you
Does venom foreshadow death

Ive seen you pass away
Day by day, its all the same

But am I the mad one?
Questioned by clans
When all I see is taunt discourse as if we're docking on long suppressed dreams

If it had been somewhere else, we'd hide a fixed eye to the occasion

Load the cartridge
Pull the trigger
Ignite cannons
**** the innocence
Have we lost our minds

As He And I take a dip into each others solar eclipse  
He sips from my faucet that drips
and not the one located between my thick thighs and hips
but from the truth that flows from the softness of my lips.
In that moment he Indulged in Truth's kiss.
As he was overcamed by a state of bliss.
Thats when He knew That God must Exist.
Now to him I say this.......
"Lets Go beyond Us
As I allow you Undress my Conscious
Make love to my thoughts
As you diminish my distraughts
Lick my intelligence to taste the saccharine nectar of my Essence
As I give you this mental *******
You will be headed in the right direction
And there will be no need for a ****** for our protection
Just dive into my purely unadulterated love and affection
Make your understanding stand at attention
Stick your knowledge in my head's dimension.
Giving me all its been missing
as I not only hear but Inventively listen.
Love me good and so deep
That upon me your heart begins to seap
And My my eyes begin to weap
Make my cerebellum ****** until it reaches its peak.
Keep going deeper until you hear all the words I dont speak.
Have you found the Subtance in which you seek?

See into the depths of my soul until you see A light of shimmering glittering Gold.
Touch my psyche with a gentle caress.
Until you uncover the glory of my nakedness.

now its spiritual fire burning with Red hot flames from within inscreasing my soul's desire.

I let him see the quintessential part of me that in just a short time I had courageously bared.
And He allowed me to breathe in the fresh air from his atmosphere
As I tasted his words like freshly cut herbs
And He explored all my bountiful roads to learn all my turns and curves
As he Disect my unwritten literature to understand my creative verbs.
We fly beyond the clouds like 2 lovebirds.
I have become the many pages of his diary
As he shares his most private moments between him and me so secretly.
I feel like my my world is being pulled into his force of gravity.

And yet the question I ask is,"Is he into me?"
But I can already answer that by his his energy.
While he's staring into my eyes endlessly.
My universe has been shaken by the waves of his charismatic frequency.
As we are luxuriating in our Unfiltered Raw level of Intimacy.