I’m curious tonight. Don’t isolate yourself, they say. Don’t Isolate yourself. How do I not feel isolated When I can’t type up into a google bar Please google, show me some abuse poems Please, google, Show me somebody like me I wanna know who else has ever looked in the mirror Scared Scared of what I’m gonna see Scared I’m gonna wake up and look and see the bruises on my collarbone And the bruises on my arms and legs and confidence and hope Google, I wanna see my future. Can you show me that? I wanna see the 35 year old woman or man who lived through that **** I wanna see the 35 year old woman or man who can put their arm on my shoulder Lean his or her head on mine and say “don’t you worry, honey, we’ll make it through alright.” We’ll make it through alright.
But Google I can’t find them. I’m scared they don’t exist I’m scared I’m never gonna be the 35 year old woman who lived through that **** I’m scared I’m never gonna be 35.
Tonight I’m curious. Where are the poems about blood? Where are the poems about abuse, google? I can’t find them. I don’t want to be the first one. I don’t want to be the first search result. I wanna know that I’m not isolated Because I can’t isolate myself because they say Don’t isolate yourself.
Don’t Isolate yourself, they say Mommy how do I not feel Isolated When I look in your face and swallow every single thing I ever wanted to say to you because I realize I don’t want to say a **** thing. Daddy how do I not feel isolated When I can’t look at you and really LOOK at you Because I’m so scared you’re gonna look at me.
Don’t Isolate yourself, they say. Hell, I’ve been isolated for so long How do I not feel isolated? When it’s all I’ve ever known?
Don’t ISOLATE yourself, they say. How do I not feel isolated While I can’t put the words to the feelings. I can’t put the words to the pain Because it wasn’t just pain. It wasn’t just fear. It wasn’t just love.
My brother. How do I not feel isolated When I can’t look at you and see a brother When everybody thinks I’m an only child Because I can’t put words to you. Because you’re not just my brother. It wasn’t just anger. It wasn’t just fear.
Don’t isolate yourself, they say. How can I not ISOLATE myself When nobody can get close. I can’t put words to it Because its not just isolation.
She is suffering. Her energy is draining. Day by day, little by little Her thoughts are going deeper Deeper and deeper as the oceans. She is fighting within herself But sadness always dominate. Starting to isolate herself Never going out with friends Always have her own reasons not to This and that, No because Really isolating herself Face always at the web Posting and liking things Things she wish to be glued Glued to her mind and soul But all she wants is someone Someone to push her to encourage her But no one sees it, no one feels it. All of her thoughts She is always fighting it She knows she could make it She knows she could change But at this moment She needs time, longer time She wants to be alone She wants to escape She wants to sleep for a long time She wants to cry But time wouldn't allow her to All she could do is to isolate herself Isolate to protect herself Isolate for her to be strong Isolate for her to realize Realize that to isolate herself is not the answer. Never the answer.