Quarter-life crisis,
Left at my own devices:
Do you know what ice is?
That **** will take your life, kid.

What are you to do
When your mind comes unglued
Over who you used to be
And all the **** you thought was true?

i can't ******* sleep • who you were to me is etched in my brain somehow, played on repeat • how did you do this to me? how is your grip so ******* tight? i can't even run away and there's nowhere for me to hide • i worry too much because there's no control • how did you take so much of my soul? you just ran with it like it was nothing • you cut me down like i meant nothing • all those words and your touch like an open flame on my skin burning scars into me that will never heal, and i'll never be the same again • it's so devastating to think about it all being made up • the "fairy tale" we had was real life • you're just so jaded and cynical from pain you endured, and it made it impossible for you to let me love the broken parts • (let me love you) • i swore it wouldn't have been a waste, but you are convinced that i will always be the same • you never gave me a chance and i never gave you a reason not to believe in me • i feel like that hurts worse • i hate that you made me question every move i made and i hate having to constantly prove that my intentions are pure • i wasn't the one who hurt you • i didn't deserve the knives you stabbed straight through my heart with words you could only say when we were far apart • i will say it again so it sinks into your brain: "i bet you could never say that to my face"
•
(i miss you in volumes
i will never speak aloud)
•
as if speaking it into existence will give you back the power • i don't think this is fair • we could have had it all • quit letting your thoughts build up and take away your miracles • you know **** well this didn't happen by mistake • how many more dreams are you going to let your fear and pride take?

"if you leave now, i can't let you come back" and more lies i tell myself • like, who am i trying to convince here? am i really that weak? maybe it isn't the weakness that keeps me stuck on you, more like the hold our souls have on the other • my heart falls, tugs and breaks with every word you say, but i cannot back off and let you go away • i know that i need you • your touch, your scent, those eyes • i just can't look away • it gets cold sometimes and i still never stop begging for you to stay • you can break me down to someone else, take who i am away from me • i'll keep coming back to you and cower every time you speak • i want to mean it this time when i ask you to leave • i want to feel nothing again and forget the day we met like it meant nothing • your anger and silence breaks me apart, piece by peace.. i just want you to see the damaged you've caused from promises you never intended to keep • (next time check your motives) • you'll regret this one day, maybe not right now • you hate me, bet you'll never say that to my face • you still never find someone who will love you as much as i love • and you will never feel a peace in your soul where i will no longer be • you can fill a void but you'll never quite get back your light • meanwhile, i'll be shining for someone who truly deserves it • someone who has no intent to dull it • good luck fighting those demons without me there to shield you • i promised and meant everything about how i'd fight for you more - no one else is strong enough, not even you.

i'm always trying to hold on to the parts of people that don't make sense, because a part of my soul was sparked from a moment lost in a memory • i stay and crawl back because the power of their flames are constantly engulfed in my brain • i block out what is best for me so i can feel the pain and burn of a wildfire that will only destroy me in the end • ("what if it doesn't?") • there's always a hope deep inside me that they won't hurt me as bad - that i am invincible until they can calm the heat of their storm • can i tame them like they've domesticated my free spirit? there's always that hope that they will soften their blows just for me • our demons play too nicely together, running rampant around the cages we've spent decades molding our cold, black hearts into • all i wanted was a hand to hold and a soul to recognize my suffering, with a promise to never let me go through that ever again • be careful how you speak your hopes and dreams aloud • these fox holes needn't any more prayers • i land on a solid foundation, because it's all i had before you • i'll be stronger than before, knowing what not to do • i no longer have a thirst to learn things the hard way and i'll never stop letting good people love me despite bad people never learning how to.