The only place that feels like home is when you're studying my face for any sign that I love you. I wonder if I hide it too well when you turn your back.

the only explanation
for light pouring from you
is that whole scientific theory
that we're all made of stardust.

i don't know if i believe it
but i know that i want to inhale you
and blend our souls together.
i know that i love you so much and
i can't.

and everything is so bright,
my fingers trail across your hand
and come up dripping with stardust
so i know that you can burn me
but that you don't.

that is true love,
and the other half of true love is falling
in love with stardust
at 1 am as i lay on my side
crying into my pillow
and drinking black holes.

i don't want to talk about it to
the people who want to know.
i want to talk about it to
the people who don't have to know,
but don't mind anyway.

i want to tell you, actually.

about when i was too lonely
to know what i was doing.
when my no was not firm enough,
was not said often enough.
so they played me,
and i don't blame them.
i was so vulnerable.
so easy to take advantage of.
why not?
i was disposable, useable only for a moment of pleasure.
and it really hurt,
but i just sat there.
and took it.

and now look at me-
fighting flashbacks when a classmate makes a joke about the four letter R word.
crying for no reason.

and i believe you may **** me
with soft blue eyes.
you'll press your love into my
heart with a sword,
and kiss the blood off.
and i have a feeling i won't last long
if you keep telling me how much you care.
i know i will pass away if you keep
crying over my pain.
i don't know how to love you,
and i will get lost in the storm.
but i am ready to lose my life
to your love.
a poison has never been so gorgeous.
so merciful.
the title angel of death
doesn't fit,
you are more.
and yet, you are nothing
as i take my

l a s t

b r e a t h.

i am alive and i remember what you said

'it can be ok if you want it to be'.

so, with music loud and

smile wide,

i am alive , for once.

things are not perfect, and the pain still lingers,
but a tiny bit of hope is transforming my day.

it may just be today,
but for once,

i am alive,

i am happy,

i am alive.