i don't want to talk about it to
the people who want to know.
i want to talk about it to
the people who don't have to know,
but don't mind anyway.

i want to tell you, actually.

about when i was too lonely
to know what i was doing.
when my no was not firm enough,
was not said often enough.
so they played me,
and i don't blame them.
i was so vulnerable.
so easy to take advantage of.
why not?
i was disposable, useable only for a moment of pleasure.
and it really hurt,
but i just sat there.
and took it.

and now look at me-
fighting flashbacks when a classmate makes a joke about the four letter R word.
crying for no reason.