you've got lips like a sunset
sweet
but strikingly harsh

there's a monster brooding in my stomach
sprawling its claws everywhere
numbing my voice box
poisoning my words
piercing my lungs
eating my heart
reaching up to my brain and impaling it sharply

its presence is ravishing through my body
coursing through my veins
replacing the blood flowing through my body
with icy cold shards
my body twitches
with every twang of anger it feels

for some people, this monster is a fair-weathered friend
who comes and goes as it pleases

for me,
this terrifying creature,
with its foreign rage,
its dastardly nature,
its feigned heart,

this monster is me

the tides of tomorrow
will always wash away
the pain of today

hello

it's been a while
and i still miss you
but it's getting better

i don't feel a tidal wave in my eyes every time i think of you
my hands don't clam up at the sound of your name

i would say
somedays i don't even think of you
but that would be a lie

see,
the truth is,
you'll always be in my head
and in my heart

and i don't know if that's good or bad

it hurts a lot more than you think when you stop loving someone

i want to love him
i think he's amazing
he blows my mind in every way possible
but it doesn't feel like i love him
i say it back when he says it
but a wave of guilt crashes over me
every time

i try to tell myself that maybe our "honeymoon phase" is over
or maybe i'm just going through a trough
"it's just a phase", he tells me
but the more it simmers inside of me
the more cemented it becomes

maybe i'm just a horrible person
maybe i don't deserve love
if i can't love back
maybe something's wrong with me
maybe i'm heartless

or

maybe it's all the times i've done everything for you
and you have never returned that
when i give you the littlest things
and you never even say "thank you"
when i sit here and talk you through the tough times
and when i'm going through something tough
you don't feel like talking
maybe it's your over-inflated ego
that is starting to get really annoying
or the fact you think everything is about you
perhaps it's the little things
like how you purposely say particular things
just to "get my reaction because it's funny"
maybe it's the way you overanalyse every single bit of me
i feel like i can't breathe with you around
because if one breath is out of place
i'll be slaughtered for it
maybe it's because of how sad you make me all the time
or how mad you make me all the time
maybe it's how you never show me you love me
the way it feels like you just don't care
maybe you don't

maybe that's why
i don't too

i'm sorry

i'm happy now
i'd be lying to myself if i said
i'm not over you

i can breathe freely now
never believe that
the memories of our love still live in my head

i'm better off without you
you will never hear me say
i wish you were still here

i hate you
it would be stupid to assume
i still love you

my stomach is the abyss of the deep ocean
and my heart is a pilotless submarine