it hurts a lot more than you think when you stop loving someone

i want to love him
i think he's amazing
he blows my mind in every way possible
but it doesn't feel like i love him
i say it back when he says it
but a wave of guilt crashes over me
every time

i try to tell myself that maybe our "honeymoon phase" is over
or maybe i'm just going through a trough
"it's just a phase", he tells me
but the more it simmers inside of me
the more cemented it becomes

maybe i'm just a horrible person
maybe i don't deserve love
if i can't love back
maybe something's wrong with me
maybe i'm heartless

or

maybe it's all the times i've done everything for you
and you have never returned that
when i give you the littlest things
and you never even say "thank you"
when i sit here and talk you through the tough times
and when i'm going through something tough
you don't feel like talking
maybe it's your over-inflated ego
that is starting to get really annoying
or the fact you think everything is about you
perhaps it's the little things
like how you purposely say particular things
just to "get my reaction because it's funny"
maybe it's the way you overanalyse every single bit of me
i feel like i can't breathe with you around
because if one breath is out of place
i'll be slaughtered for it
maybe it's because of how sad you make me all the time
or how mad you make me all the time
maybe it's how you never show me you love me
the way it feels like you just don't care
maybe you don't

maybe that's why
i don't too

i'm sorry