There was this movie.
It was really popular when I was a kid.
I remember this baby-faced boy, and the old bald guy.
The one from the 90's.
Well he was dead, but the boy saw him anyway.

I'm like that.

I see dead people too.
Ghosts.
Walking around.
Talking.
Talking to me.
There are all these, shadowy figures.
These outlines.
Of people that I knew.

There's one.. he's blonde.. and he's high.
His hair is twisted and wild and he surfs, on snow.
He tells me stories that I remember, but the endings are all different now.
He's different.
Just a shadow.

I loved him.

But now I see right through him.
He shimmers and disappears.
All the while,
so certain,
that he's alive.

When I met you, you were standing/leaning/being awkwardly there,
in the corner of the room.
Not quite invisible, but you didn't really stand out either.
You just sort of... were.
And I noticed.

I noticed because there was something unmistakable in your, you-ness.
Something that did not fit with your ironic tee-shirt and dark mop of hair.
One thing that stood out from your quiet still frame.
But it wasn't the way you seemed knowingly amused by the goings-on around you.
And it wasn't the way you shifted your weight so subtly but still animated, almost like you weren't real.
It wasn't even that quick smile that split your face in two when your gaze met mine.

No, more then all of that, what caught me off guard was your deceptively blue eyes.

At my high school reunion
Years from now
In the old gym
They'll ask, whatever happened to us anyway
I won't have an answer for them
It'll be a shoulder shrug
Upward palms
And a colon backslash face
They'll move on to my son
Or work
Or school
Or some distant memory which will undoubtadly begin with, "remember that time"
And most likely end with, "those were the days"
And while they move on with their conversations
I will still have a colon backslash face
And my mind will be in a completely different time machine than the prom queen and the class clown
I will
By the end of it all
Have devoted what I can only imagine to be significantly more time than alotted
Thinking about what did ever happen to us anyway
And when I go home to what I anticipate being a beautiful, intellegent, loving wife, girlfriend, fiancee thing
She will
For a moment
Or possibly two moments
Not measure up to you
And I hope she won't notice my colon backslash face
That she'll end up smiling until she falls asleep

The morning after my high school reunion
I will stand in front of my mirror
And for much longer than two moments
I will not measure up
To the man you could have made me
And I will notice
I will start by ******* in my gut
Running my hands through my hair to try and imagine myself with a different style
I will analyze my wardrobe
And half way through auditing my music collection I will fall to the floor
I will cry
And with you in the forefront of my mind
I will
In true movie scene fashion
Whisper to no one
Whatever happened to us anyway
And worse than not having an answer at the reunion
I won't have an answer for myself
In an empty living room
Because I really don't know whatever happened to us anyway
One day we were
The next day we weren't
It was so adult
I was so civil
Even our break-up will be the best I ever had

The day before my high school reunion
I will cut my hair
Trim my arm pits
And clip my beard
I will iron a suit
Pick a good tie
And I imagine
In front of a mirrror
I will
Be proud of the man I have become

In the years going forward
And leading up to that high school reunion
I will
As a matter of life's course
Have no other occasion
To ask myself
Whatever happened to us anyways
But never the less
One night
Years from now
That question
Will leave me paralyzed
Scared
Heartbroken
Lonely
And even if
I am not alone
My pillow will remember
For one night
Or maybe even two nights
How to smell like you
And my arms
If only for a half a moment
Or possibly one whole moment
Will
With no luck
Reach for you

The first time you said it, it was raining.
I'd just taken my final, and had that sick, certain feeling that I'd failed it.
We were standing by your car and somewhere in the
midst of my rant about unfair grading practices,
and sexist Psych professors...
You. Just.  Said it.

And all I could think was,
I wonder when grades will be posted?

The next time, we were sitting on my couch.
We had just finished dinner and were watching some old movie.
I remember Jimmy Stewart's voice distinctly,
So I know I picked the movie.
You were tickling me, and right in that moment when I lose all control
and give in to the giggles...
You said it again, mostly to yourself, but I heard.

And all I could think was,
I wonder if Jimmy Stewart was ticklish?

The last time, we were eating Italian.
I had gotten marinara sauce on my favorite blue dress,
and as I was trying to get it out, I spilled my water everywhere.
You just laughed that booming laugh of yours,
and then your eyes got dark, serious.
You took my hands in yours and watching my face closely,
you said it again.

And all I could think was,
I wonder if lemon juice will lift this stain?

The only time I said it, was on a Thursday.
Lunch had just ended and we were standing by the swings.
It was really windy so you pushed my hair out of my face.
That's when I almost said it,
but you started to speak.
I just smiled.

My smile must have hurt you,
because you looked away when you told me we wanted different things.
And I didn't say anything.
Instead, I watched you walk back towards the white brick building.
When you were almost there, you paused and started to turn back to me...
then stopped yourself and went inside.

And in that moment, when you were safely out of my reach,
I said it.
Because it was all I could feel since the day that we started.

No one ever heard me,
*but I love you, too.

The streets are paved with garbage
and the air is thick with smog.
In a world of repetition,
ring my bell, I'm Pavlov's dog.

The beggars have no hands,
and the soldiers cannot see.
A flag hangs in my prison cell,
in the land of the free.

The children never cry out
and their footsteps never fall.
'Cause we define what's called a life,
and some are just too small.

Politicians map our future
in their picture perfect plan;
a world corrupt by power,
which in turn corrupts the man.

Our morals are immoral,
and our values have no worth.
It's nature versus nurture,
but we've known to lie since birth.

We're taught to love our neighbors,
but in turn neglect our own:
And so our "huddled masses",
huddle desperately alone.

We're serving in the kitchens,
while they're starving in the streets,
somewhere amidst the chaos formed
where sick and striving meets.

Leaders shout, "We have no money!",
from atop their golden hill.
While we, the workers down below,
just spin the workers' wheel.

Our rights are plainly written,
but we don't know how to read;
and so our every breath's abused
by those who choose to lead.

We're warned of other cultures
from our hole deep in the ground,
but if we stood up eye to eye
acceptance might be found.

They said that times were a-changing,
they say that times have CHANGEd.
Yet, still I see the bold outline
of social class arranged.

No hourglass turned sideways.
Time will not reach a halt,
but if we leave this world unchanged
it will be all our fault.

Instead, let's use our actions
like ripples in the sea
to build a world far better than
the one we've seen it be.