cold metal to the temple
the cradle bled red
wine stained carpet
the fingers tremble

bang

helpless gasps
a flower struggling
darkness consumes
it kills

bang

quivering lips
a tear drops
knees collapse
fighting sunlight

bang.

I keep on running,
trying to find myself while falling.

I keep on falling,
trying to keep myself up by believing.

I keep on believing,
trying to find a way to tear those mental walls down.

I keep on trying,
trying not to burn my bridges down.

I am a canvas
that my parents painted

they gave me their features
a freckled nose
and pouty lips

so that when they separated
I’d always remember
that on my face
they’re still together.

Collaboration between twitter user @xaequix and I*

I knew you were only passing by
and never had a thought to stay
After all, I was the one to chase you away

So as you moved on
and walked your way
I watched you slowly get lost
and scared in this thorn of a maze

Deceived by the fragrance of withered roses
you stumbled on without much focus.
Left turn, right turn, stumble and fall,
you were wounded right to the core.

Now when you re-tell your jokes
your smile once lively
is now empty

You pretended to chuckle
trying to hold on.
I gave you bandaids,
trying to pretend your scars were gone.

Lost was the boy who once held onto every word I said
for now he's stronger and
would only fall for her instead

Looking back to how you wasted

seconds

hours

months

did i realise
that you were the treasure instead
The one who painted my smiles
and showed me my selfish mistakes.

You hit the wall
You hit the roof
You hit the spot that
Let me loose

You lied to me once
You lied to me twice
So now you have to pay the price

You try flee
You try to run
But no one’s leaving ‘til the deed is done

Now that apple’s dead and gone
I hope that you’re happy for all that’s lost.

If you ask me to describe him,
where will I start?
I can’t possibly fathom my thoughts into words
and turn him into a description of art.

But I can try my best,
try to pick him apart.
Describe him in words,
perhaps in four different parts.

I’d start with volcanoes
for he’s just like one.
Where his touch feels like lava,
but surprisingly calm.

Up next are earthquakes,
since his heart is one.
It makes the world shake
causing me to run.

Third would be hurricanes,
since his mind is one.
He’s a drug I should abstain,
that makes me come undone.  

Last would be forests,
since he’s full of secrets.
Hiding and waiting,
to be uncovered by none.

He’s a mystery,
yet someone I trust.
He is impossible to describe,
and rarer than pixie dust.

We shared cigarette sticks
cans of beer only
and drunken kisses
only for it to end
sooner than we expected
leaving us with nothing at all to hold between us.

For you held on to your own heart so dear
unwilling to bare it all to me

Refusing to even look at me
Look at what my soul had to offer you
For you were so afraid of what could happen between us

You cradled your heart in your hands
Holding it close to the gap where it used to be
afraid to put it back
for fear of breaking it in the process

Fee fi fo fum
angry apple is playing dumb

She knows you lied
and she cried

So now she’s about to die.

Are you happy that she’s dead?
are you satisfied that she’s gone?
are you ecstatic that
angry apple’s finally dead and gone?

For all that’s lost
will forever be gone

Fee fie fo fum
Upset apple is dead and gone

I hope you’re happy with what you’ve done.

Touch me the way you touch books - lightly skimming your fingertips over the spine, opening the pages, gently leafing through them, using your fingers pointing to each word, and just memorising the way the parchment feels against your skin.

Hold me the way you do with an old fragile book, or a new book that you're afraid of damaging - gently holding the spine, afraid of opening me too wide and hurting me, taking in it's musky scent, and studying every word, committing it to memory.

But don't end me the way you do with books - putting it down gently, only picking it up to reread occasionally, and leaving it on the shelf to collect dust on it's cover.

Keep me by your side, like a diary, and write in me, telling me your truest feelings, terrified of losing me, for fear that others would uncover your darkest troubles.

Keep me by your side and always read me, read through your past entries, treasure me, and place all your trust in me - I'll never disappear, your memories, happiness, sorrow will always remain with me, and you will never have to worry about forgetting anything. You will always have me by your side.

But when the pages are filled up, don't stop - add in new pages, like you can with any diary. But I doubt I will ever be filled up because I've enough pages to last you a lifetime without any worries of me ending.

Regret was all around you

You had cut yourself open to the things you thought were safe.
You let your lungs bleed raw
You clawed at your eyes
hoping to eventually be able to see something
other than your folly

You let your stained dress remain
letting the deep red droplets seep through

You gingerly dabbed at the pool of blood
that formed at your left breast
understanding that all of that is from the mistakes
you made to the ***** that helped you to live

You finally understood at that moment


You killed yourself off.

How do you know s/he is the person you want to spend the remainder of your life with?

Do you smile upon a text from them?

Do you chuckle upon thinking up a funny thing they did?

Do you hold back tears at the thought of them leaving you for good?

Do you ever think, just for a second, that yes, you could live without them? (Because if yes, I'd suggest finding someone else.)

Do you?

I kissed a boy,
whom I gave my heart to

I kissed a boy,
who played with my heart,
with no intention on returning it

I kissed a boy,
who thought my heart was just another everyday object
and threw it down the gutter
when he realised
he had no use of it anymore

I kissed a boy,
who threw my heart down the gutter
because it stopped beating for him
who tore me apart
drowned my lungs out with black blood
and suffocated me with the hatred
he enveloped around himself
simply because he couldn't stand the sight of himself in the mirror


I kissed a boy,
and he planted demons in my head,
egged on the voices who told me I was not worth it,
telling me daily that I was useless and a waste of space,
deafening my silent mind with their dark words,
eventually helping his hatred
consume me too
and killed me off inside
just like he had murdered himself

I kissed a boy,
and he killed slowly with the anger and self-loathing inside of him

After all, that lipstick smear on the shirt of your collar was just another 'accident'.