I am a girl
six inches over five feet tall
I am bulimic
and sometimes depressed
I can't stand blood so i don't cut
I'm afraid of ***** and so much more
I'm not psychotic maybe a little weird
I love music and poetry
I love people if they love me back
I love my sister she's thirteen
I am me
and this
is
Who I am

Asleep by a river

   In tidal eclipse.

Girl with straw hair

   And strawberry lips.


Placid.

   As the afternoon sun.

Her dreams are of scarlet

   And barely begun.


I do not know why

   She rests here on my bank.

Her time would be brief

   She told this me frank.


But here she lays bidden.

   Shut up with her eyes

Where mine look with longing

   To cacophonous skies.

Lost in the haze of fog and regret
High up on cloud nine, I recline
Smoke drifts slowly up from my hands as I
Desperately seek an escape from this world, where
Emotions are liars who can not be trusted
and convictions are flimsy
Cast away in a single heartbeat

i fell in love once
and my love was the ocean
deep and dark and unexplored
a mystery wrapped in seaweed
and colored with the shades
that nebula and dying stars
reserve for their coldest parts
it was an easy fall
like laying down after a long day
of holding up the universe
with only your pinky finger and
a stack of phone books
or like sinking into the water
not drowning
but hovering
just beneath the surface
air is just an inch away
and you are surrounded by warmth
by cold
by water
my love was so beautiful
their voice was a dying star
an explosion as life is melted into light
the noise of it absorbed by void
and absence
and nothing
their body was the oldest tree in the oldest forest
tall and wide and strong
and dying
but still beautiful
still green and lush where the branches were resisting
still brushing leaves across the sky like caressing the clouds
still humming the noises of a settling life
and since this act of falling in love
i have found that the easiest love to fall into
isn't romantic at all

Sometimes
At night
I get so restless
Words swimming inside my head
Dazzled by the bright orange-like glow
Emitted by my desk lamp
I see letters of the alphabet
Drifting in the air
I get mildly agitated when I cannot string them
to pen something decent

My lamp illuminates
All night
Afraid to sleep in the dark
And yet not fearful
Of playing with fire in the daylight

Sometimes
At night
I get so restless
Through my bedroom window
I gaze at the pale moonlight
And wonder
If I ever crossed your mind, today

Just once

A smile on her face
But tears in her eyes.
She wakes up every morning,
Hoping to die.
Kneeling on the floor;
Head raised to the sky.
Praying to God,
And asking Him why.
“Why am I here?
When can I leave?’
Remembering the days;
She used to believe.
Cracks show
On her porcelain façade.
She plays her part well,
But some days it’s hard
To put on a smile
And act like she’s fine.
Walks around laughing
As she tries not to cry.
Home from school,
Rocking under blankets
Eyes clenched shut.
Waiting for a day,
Where they’ll let her give up.
Day after day,
With her broken pride,
Her heart is still beating
But she isn't alive.
They’ll be a day
When her eyes won’t open
No cries heard
No words spoken;
Her act will end
The curtain will fall.
Frail and broken she’s given her all,
And as her life
Slowly goes
Her mournful story
Comes to a close.
They couldn't save her.
What went wrong?
Now it’s too late.
Her life is gone.

4am. Late night 7eleven run. Hat, coat, scarf, out the door. As soon as I exit the building the cold invigorates me, I sip on the night air and breath out the steam of life. I walk slow and steady despite the drink in me, mastered my balance long ago. No one and nothing is awake but me and the stars. And I relish in the world's absence. As I walk, the street lights reveal it's snowing, little gingerly particles flutter toward me like a dusty lamp shade when disturbed. Memories flood back to me, times when I was in  love and every snowflake that dropped before me seemed to bring life anew. I stare longingly at the sky with an appreciation that could never be described with mortal words. Only that fleeting gaze that stays with you forever if it is set upon you, etching itself in your heart.

Then I walked home…Back to earth.