I don't want to be the big banyan tree
majestically standing tall in the field
jealous men scratching it all day, I can see
stealing it's shadows and breaking the branches
still it offers home to all these lonely birds
in all this brutality, how tolerant it can be !

                         I am not worthy of all this empathy

I choose to be a small ****, instead
hiding in the beauty of so many like me
and making this barren land, bucolic green
I am happy with a butterfly, hugging me once a while
for after a short life, I will either satisfy a cow's appetite
or be stamped to death by the ignorant juvenile
                              
                 Wishing­ for happiness, but being stealthy
                      *I am not worthy of all this empathy

How long can you wait
To free your mind
From the despairing thoughts
Creating lacunae
Don’t let the shadows
Take over the true identity
Let it be a reflection
Not an alter ego
Mirrors and mirrors
That mirrors your thoughts
Caught in-between
The mesh of reflections
It’s hard to find your true identity
Mirroring the pale reflections
Left as a silhouette
Standing there unfamiliar and unsure

I saw Jane
by the water tower
in Bugs Lane
I had come from home

after helping my father
saw logs in the shed
she looked pretty
in the sunlight

her dark hair
seemed aglow
and as I approached
she smiled

and it pinched me
inside in a way
I couldn't fathom
she had a book

in her hand
and swung it
back and forth
like a priest swung

the thurible at church
what have got there?
I asked
as I was by her side

it's a book
on British butterflies
she said
showing me

the book cover
which had various
butterfly pictures
on the front and back

thought we may go look
for some of them
she said
it's Daddy's

but he said
I could borrow it
ok
I said

that'll be good
-but being with her
was the real joy
just breathing in

her presence
her fresh apple smell
was the real goodness-
so we walked up

the pathway up
to the Downs
trees on either side
keeping out

the hot blaze
of the sun
for a while
except where it

broke through
overhead branches
and there were birds singing
and flights of birds

crossing over
and above us
are you all right?
she asked

-Lizbeth was unmentionable
between us now
we just never
spoke of her-

sure I'm fine
I said
collecting chalk fossils
you know

the ones inside
rock chalk
found two shells
inside one last week

that's good
you'll have to show me
she said
they're in my show tank

I said
along with animal bones
and skeletons of birds
in my room

have to ask
your mother
if I can see them
with you

she said
as we walked past
the big hollow tree
-yet when Lizbeth

came to my room
a while back
she never thought
to ask my mother

if she could go
to my room-
after a while
we broke out

into the open
and the sunshine
warmed us
and it was like

being born again
up there on the Downs
the grass
and the flowers

and shrubbery
and I liked being there
beside her
in fact it was

a love thing
just being there
let alone being there
looking out

for butterflies
she was
the butterfly beauty
in my eyes.

Why is it
That the biggest hearts
Are emptied the fastest?

And the brightest souls
Are blackened
The quickest?