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I wonder if I will ever understand
You destroyed everything good
You sit there and blame the world
Claiming you are "misunderstood"

You whine that no one gets you
Yet don't bother to explain
You won't let anybody in
You have zero right to complain

Do not say nobody has tried
To open doors to your mind
I personally wasted years knocking
Genuine thoughts I have yet to find

It is hard to accept what someone won't give
Even harder to listen to words they do not share
I tried but it is difficult to love
A person who's presence isn't actually there

You act like I am the one in the wrong
As if I would have jumped ship if you told the truth
My loyalty has proved to be enduring
Been dealing with the same ******* since our youth

It's unfair to make me feel guilty
For taking the course I thought was best
Know I'm sorry for hurting you
But I will not apologize for all the rest

You excel at playing victim
Done it so much you really believe
The universe is conspiring to get you
In denial of the fact you deceive  

My biggest frustration with your fake facade
Is the time you spend fooling yourself
I'm powerless to flip your tired ways
Expose flaws you forced to hide up on some shelf

Fairytale you began fearing is finished
The easiest failure to flee
Freedom pushes frantic fingers further from you
Life to you is but a fading foolish fantasy

Satisfied spinning us round and round
Still I followed your dizzy path
Sedated souls stumbling over obstacles
Sickening secrets revealed without a polygraph

Our twisted relationship takes the most room in my heart
The bitterest sweetest disappointment was you
Though fleeting, this beautiful love was rare
I just wish I knew reasons behind the pain you put me through
I guess I'll never really get it
You're not special, no.
You still need him.
He doesn't even want you.
He never did.

You're not special, no.
He "loves" you so much.
Tell me then,
why he betrayed your trust.

You're not special, no.
Not when
there are so many other girls
to choose, and he has.

You're not special, no.
There's a place in hell for you,
right beside him,
so you forever suffer your heart.

You're not special, no.
Just because you have his ring.
You gave him your heart,
now you've lost your mind.

You're not special, no.
he tells her he loves her too.
and he's using you, child.
I just want to help, don't you see?

You're not special, no.
There were promises made,
in the dark, in your sleep.
Promises you now must keep.

You're not special, no.
You gave him your love,
love he has easily betrayed.
You gave it all, now take it away.

You're not special, no.
**** your love for him,
and you can live again, my dear.
just as if you had never loved at all.

You're not special, no.
he played you, sugar.
Now, when you need him,
he's leaving you broken.

You're not special, no.
He danced like that with her, while you watched.
He taught you how to dance,
and you danced to forget the pain he brought.

You're not special, no.
You never were.
You were just a shiny new toy,
for the game he wanted to play.
And you lost.
Way back when,
many years ago,
is where we start
this tale of woe.

We never gave
a second thought
to one undeserving
of what she got.

Sat and watched
for five whole years,
as you faded out
with little fear.

There was snow on the ground
when I saw you last;
before you became
a face in my past.

The one who taught me
to spin wool into thread
is lying now
in the ground, dead.

We got the news
when light attacked.
You were gone,
no coming back.

Smiles gone
we mourned the day
the lord came back
to take you away.

A birthday destroyed
unknown to him.
We don’t heal
by lying to kin.

The truth we hide
to spare a child
has made me cry
and fake a smile.

They say you’re better,
that you kissed pain goodbye,
that you’re free and riding horses
way up in the sky.

Things have changed.
This much is true.
New Year, New Me…
Without You.
stuttering,
panting,
increased heart rate...
nervous?

smiling,
excitement,
fluttering heart...
happiness?

scared,
nervous,
excited...
"LOVE!"

~Ashton­ Grayson Everly
1) Doesn't write much.
2) Likes Captain America.
3) Really sweet.
4) huge dork.
5) Likes my smile.
6) has really nice hair.
7) amazing voice.
8) b-day Jan 8th.
9) his laugh is the music I've been waiting for.
10) sees right through me.
11) doesn't think he has talent.
12) likes talking to me.
13) is aesthetically pleasing.
14) thinks I'm cute.
15) said I was awesome.          
16) makes me blush.
17) makes me smile a lot.
18) is actually really nice.
19) makes me laugh more than anyone else.    
20) favorite color red.          
21) was born in Russia.
22) likes me..
23) knows places to chill downtown.
24) I'm his favorite person.
25) Is the best thing that could have happened to me.
26) He's saving me and doesn't realize it.
He's the smile on my face,
the laugh falling from my lips.
The crinkles by my eyes
that pop out with my joy.

He's the stars in the sky,
and the moon when it's full.
The sun in all its glory,
shining down on my dark world.

He's the song that you wait for.
The one you dont know you want.
Until you hear it.
Then you never want it to end.

He's the way an angel sounds.
His halo is visible for miles.
The wings on his back are warm around my cold skin.

He's the smile on my face,
the laugh falling from my lips.
The last thing I ever expected,
and the best to ever happen to me.
He is the lighthouse in the night that will safely guide me home.
GAY
IMGAYGAYMEANSHAPPYIMFEELINGGAYTODAYYOUSEEMYFINGERSSNAPPINGIWANNAS­EETHEWORLDDONTFEELLIKENAPPINGTODAYIMQUEERLETSBECLEARWHENISAYTHEWO­RDQUEERIMEANECCENTRICORWEIRDANDLETMETELLYOUALLIMBEINGSINCEREWHENI­SAYTHERESNOTHINGWRONGWITHBEINGQUEERILIKEMENMYFELLOWMENWOMENANDMEN­ANDEVERYTHINGINBETWEENANDBEYONDWOMENANDMENILIKEEVERYONETHEENDOKAY­IMGAYBUTTHATSNOTQUEERWHATSSOSTRANGEABOUTHOLDINGMENDEARIMCHEERYBEC­AUSEIMGAYANDIMOKAYWITHME

-THOMASSANDERS
~Ashton Grayson Everly
i'm not even sorry.
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