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May 20 · 72
Pleasure Perfected
Rubyredheart May 20
As the rain falls now past midnight,
and I am wet with satisfaction
contemplations wander:
I know intricacies of desire,
the maps of my pleasure
Yet still wish to learn more of yours
to memorize each line of your body
learn the paths to your finale
to experiment & to find
your harmonies
Pleasures traced along your nerves,
to play the notes of your excitement,
to hold your hardness in my hands
and tease the lingering...
I would know your body as I know my own
then merge our pleasures,
rewriting the sublime
I would ignite the flames of passion shared
Erupting in the night
this erupting heart
but a flickering start
of the fire I’d feed
in the heart of your need

Oh, yes, my Love!
I would memorize your body
as I have mine...
to draw the stories of shared ecstasy
in lines that merge into resounding songs of love
Explosive
Our pleasure perfected
...I WOULD! (if I could)

yet, here & now,
in these silent secret moments
of the silent sleeping midnight rain
I mourn
Alone
that I may never memorize
nor might we yet merge again
our pleasures
perfected
Originally written April 30, 2025
May 20 · 114
Put Simply
Rubyredheart May 20
Midnight aches
My body shakes
Stifled tear
to hold you near
Pleading ask
Remove the mask
Say truthfully
If you love me
All I know
I need you so!
Yet, sad these sighs
Hope only lies
May 20 · 121
Buried ‘Neath my Skin
Rubyredheart May 20
I considered another
Something only you
A hidden clue—connector of hearts
Our secret

I picture you as A hawk n me a phoenix
(I do like a bit of worddplay)
I imagyne majestic raptors
Soared the vast blue ether of your hometown...
& I remember as a child
searching Southern skkies for a red-tailed hawk...
+
I alwayz loved this symbol of you
before we even met

I can’t decide where your bird might reside:
maybe as a guardian perched atop a shoulder?
I would like to see it often
not have it hidden as so much else must be...
Should it rest a reminder on my wrist
of how my pulse beats to rhythms of your memory?

As a symbol, I prefer an abstract drawing...
Perhaps a single line?
or geometric design
reminiscent of Cathedral glass?
(Metaphor of our lives)
Should I incorporate the ampersand?my constellation?
The hawk could be a water-brush design
Unfinished?

...possibilities

I wonder
what you might suggest
as an image of your memory
Buried ‘neath my skin
must be annoying...it would be to me
May 14 · 91
consumed
Rubyredheart May 14
Ceaseless obsession to break through
Passionate to see, hear, find, know you
To have a breath escape the cold hard stone
Insatiable longing that won’t be left alone
Won’t waste away and fade with time
This sweet addictive poison in the mind
Will not, cannot fade or find
An antidote, a palliative or final death
To ease this panting, gasping breath
Fool I am, more fool with age
When heart won’t hear of logic sage
But rages on irrationally
Inventing dreams, a fantasy
Where you, unknown since long ago
Emerge, recapturing our dormant glow
The sense in me yells, “NO! No! no.”
Foolish heart to dream the ludicrous!
When no path exists for the two of us.
Now hammered, torn and shattered
Shriveled, dry, and battered
A little heart in one last hopeful sigh
Timidly seeks that long-desired reply,
Thwarted, then slinks into her cave to cry.
May 14 · 68
Imaginary Friend
Rubyredheart May 14
Once you were Real, Faded, then Gone…

I have a great imagination &
I don’t feel like missing you so
I’ll play pretend…

Welcome to my life, imaginary friend!
We have a heart-load of **** to share;
it’s been so long.
Tell me of your travels...
Of those new to your life. . . the losses, too.
Share stories of your family
Tell what warms your heart
confide in me the highs and lows, the everything

Then I’ll speak of mine…but. . .

here's the thing about imaginary friends…
I cannot know of you; silence is your truth
Ridiculously I converse, one-sided…

for (imaginary) friendship's sake
rewrite
May 12 · 63
Worth More
Rubyredheart May 12
5 months effort to my 20 years
before the mask of kindness dropped

“Speak 7 positives for every negative,”
instructed he who floundered
finding single words of kindness
through my many years of grace & deference.

“was proud of you
renovating…you removed a toilet alone…”
(***?! that was circa ‘04!)
offer rejected!

just fly back to Korea already
spare me the stench of destructive sentiments
marinated in days-old garlic sweat
I’m worth more!
where’s bolt cutter?
just feeling a little bitter & cynical right now. Looks like the sun is trying to burn off the clouds & hopefully I’ll find pleasant flowers to scent some hours with optimism.  Regardless, I embrace life…even the grey.
May 12 · 69
Invisible
Rubyredheart May 12
Some gracefully accept, but not me…
I don’t want to fade, aged, unseen!
hushed, dejectedly as I shrink
‘neath the weight of another’s priorities…

where is the hand I seek
to draw me in glowing ink?
instead I’m gripped so tightly
sketched words overwriting my story
“come now, time to say ‘sorry’”
or shall my ink bottle fall
leave black stain; erase it all?
whatever may be most sane
just…let ME remain
May 11 · 213
Sad
Rubyredheart May 11
Sad
Of course my heart would break for either:
death is death.
“code Adam” in the store today
fused my heart with his parent’s
heart beating fearfully for Wilder
age 7 in an orange shirt…
at least He was found
May 11 · 93
By the Handful
Rubyredheart May 11
There was a summer…mmm, a handful of days,
then one northeastern evening…
(sorry, our history becomes a bit of a haze…
were all those memories misleading?)
I wanted to borrow & hold & treasure
through several handfuls of always forever
but the past told me, “Best leave it be”
So here I am ruminating
Messing about with a handful of words instead
(of the simplest primitive kind sometimes)
maybe it all was just in my head
memories of a love imagined
connection ne’er before fathomed
echoes of soul-deep passion…
Could it have been a mere passing?

did I mention how I dread
bearing through seasons ahead
the empty spaces still?
I’d wished for a caring hand
and one to watch birds at the windowsill
pecking the moments to fill
Greying days with smiles and silences—Peaceful
now I’m not sure who would sit with me…
’cause no-one fits that wish you see
it’s quite a unique place
this heart-hole empty space
that the past of you once graced…
now it’s just called “The Missing”
christened with a handful of wishing
painted over with a handful of words
I’ll bring flowers tomorrow
May 9 · 68
past, present, future
Rubyredheart May 9
Do I live only in the past tense of your mind
(memory of a friend, not to be forgotten;
beloved picture set upon a shelf
to dust once a month)?

YOU live in MY mind as memories never left behind
and desires for you NOW are of the kind
that etch themselves on every canvas they might find—
skin, heart, soul & mind…
Yes! Past & present, wish to alight
as hopes and dreams of future flight

My Love, every tense you are to me!
Yet, stagnant in your past tense I must be?

Now, helpless & sorrowful I mourn
Such immense a pity: I, a history, forlorn
originally written 10th Feb 2025
May 9 · 64
Maturing
Rubyredheart May 9
With every decade of your life as I know more of you
I adore and love each version
Exponentially

You are a bud forever blooming

eternally I fall in love with you
anew
with love maturing
originally written 4th Feb 2025
May 9 · 72
"Once in a Lifetime"
Rubyredheart May 9
except, I cried like that for you
many many times and more
because I love you
I miss you
I mourn you
originally written 4th Feb 2025
May 9 · 119
Quietly
Rubyredheart May 9
Yes, quietly with you breathing softly here beside me
I might shyly reach a hand to grasp yours briefly,
a nonverbal recognition just to say, "I care"
the gentle softness of your breath, rhythmic, so reassuring
knowing you are here with me...

This, another dream I hold
hidden in that place of magic
where dreams and memories merge...
this longing to simply share a space with You
Quietly, Together...

I LOVE YOU
in the quiet moments, too.
yes, I love you
here, now, quietly
originally written 28th Jan 2025
May 9 · 73
Hurting
Rubyredheart May 9
This can’t go on!
This hurting & being hurt,
Bashing into a wall of doubt until
I can’t remember anymore
if I really am a good person

beloved, please,
Bring a hug…
Bring a rest from these pointless endeavors…

I need to sink so softly into your quiet arms
I long to rest against your firm strong chest
I want to feel safe & loved again.
My god! I Miss You So Much!
originally written 10th Jan 2025
(felt often since)
May 9 · 71
Crush Plus
Rubyredheart May 9
Wanting you as my Lock Screen,
my always Crush
(and more)
originally written 10th Jan 2025
May 9 · 71
Sunk into Midnight
Rubyredheart May 9
Desire seeking satisfaction failed tonight
(it wasn’t right without echoes of your light)
Famished, now, without
(how can I sleep soaked in this doubt?)

Might you this sinking midnight...
Glimmer me?
Picture your today?
(I pray)
originally written 27th Dec 2024
May 9 · 62
Aches of Missing
Rubyredheart May 9
This Missing You washes over me
in such varied waves and ways...
Sometimes soft and sweet, yearning, beautiful
Haunted by rich memories nearly relived

Sometimes it is passionate and pounding
strong, intense, awesome,
Unforgettable, rushing as the ocean
Breaking hard and salty on my softened pleading shores…

Then there are the times, like tonight,
when The Missing presses in harsh & steady,
bearing down with a heavy weight,
a frigid fear of loss.
This Missing nearly suffocates my heart
slipping through each crevasse...
So lonely here and now without you

Return me to that sweetest passion.
Miss me, too...
with promises & hope
originally written 27th Dec 2024
May 9 · 83
Bright
Rubyredheart May 9
Your fire
Will not be dimmed
With the midnight lights
It still burns behind closed eyes
This tired night
I need you
Fire mine
Breath, voice, touch
Even just the knowledge of your presence
You are the flame
E’er flaring in my heart
So bright
I Love you, Ever
originally written 25th Dec 2024
May 9 · 48
Realization
Rubyredheart May 9
For me
Home is you
I want to be your home, too
You are my person
You are my place
originally written 24th Dec 2024
May 9 · 45
Thoughts before Sleep
Rubyredheart May 9
I want to say it
with your name
spoken to You
Audibly
Softly
Such that you KNOW it’s true
true of EVERY version of you:
I LOVE YOU!
I love YOU, _.
I love Only you.

I want to know
the ENTIRETY
of who your are,
have been
and desire to become

Every revelation
of your history
your present
& your desired future
is a gift

I do not take trust lightly

Please believe,
I value
every smallest measured Piece of You
because
I
Love
You, _
!

Always,
_
originally written 22nd Dec 2024
May 8 · 61
Contradiction
Rubyredheart May 8
Full, yet empty  
Intense emotions to express , yet speechless  
Desirous, yet only for you  
Clear, yet confused  
Eager, while patient  
So much to say & I’m speechless  
Reaching out then reserved  
Would you help me reconcile
these harshly battling Contradictions
of heart & mind?

I LOVE you & NEED you  
Yet, remain
in uncertainty
originally written 21st Dec 2024
May 8 · 101
goodnight
Rubyredheart May 8
I’m going to close my eyes & sleep now
at peace
knowing you’re there,
knowing somehow, somewhere, in some way
you care.

I love you
& will rest remembering
You love me, too
originally written 20th Dec 2024
May 8 · 53
STUNNED
Rubyredheart May 8
Dear, my Deer in the headlights
startled by this deep desire…
Did my fire frighten you away
into thick forests where you stay
& hide your gentle light from my sight?

I am no mountain cougar
crouching in your tracks to pounce
& wreck your regal gait.

I am the tracks you left behind.
I am the flower in the wood.
I am the cloud drifting above.
I am the falling drops of rain,
tears shed for your lost love.
I am the babbling brook beckoning you:
Come, rest & drink.

Yet here,
rushing to the brink of a crashing waterfall
fallen over
(over you)
logic buried in the wild churning of this boiling need
I fear:

Do my whirling rapids ***** your prancing hooves?
Would you dash back to a forest cabin
where hunter hangs the most prized rack--
branches of a love once wild & free,
now tethered to a wall, a long forgotten trophy?

Do your startled nerves seek an escape
from the vision of my river rapids
falling, crashing, diving into your bedazzling eyes?
Ought I to withdraw that you might find a calm?
Might you eventually retrace those wary steps
back to my thirsty banks?

I wait
However long it takes,
I pause; I wait.

may your caution find its rest
may your heart soften a nest
may your wandering pause to bless
my waiting hungry days
with the trust of your warm rays.

in my waiting may these roiling surging waters of emotion
subside into a calm,
find stillness, peace
provide a placid place
for rest
originally written 17th Dec 2024
May 8 · 90
Addiction
Rubyredheart May 8
Yes, I confess
Addiction

I am addicted to images of you—
my eyes trace the lines of your lips,
imagined kiss;
memory feels how soft your hair;
mental fingers cradle round the edges
of your enchanting face;
your strong chest beckons to embrace;
large, safe, secure hands to hold,
fingers interlaced.

Yes, I confess,
I am addicted to visions of you
to being lost in the ever-changing blue,
the secrets beautiful
in your eyes.

Feed, Love, feed this craving need
for more snapshots
more frozen moments
more memories & more dreams
of you.
originally written 12th Dec 2024
May 8 · 91
always know
Rubyredheart May 8
No one I have ever known can even near compare
to the total hold you have on my heart

You are my perfect
You personify my every dream
You are the only one I desire

Always
Always
Always
Know
You are the One for me
originally written 10th Nov 2024
May 8 · 83
Do you know?
Rubyredheart May 8
How very much I want
YOU
to be my everything--
My favorite memories
My present & my future
I want my “ours” to be with you

I love you more than words can say
Then
Now
&
Always
originally written 6th Nov 2024
May 8 · 69
My Daydream
Rubyredheart May 8
I want to taste the edges of your lips
Touch your desire with light fingertips
Bring your breath close against my neck
Dust your warm breeze of need across my hungry breast
Come
Crush your strength into me
Surround me
Voice of passion
Hear my siren’s call
Fall
Into my love
Into my flame
Let me hear your need again
In moments of Together
forever
Love,
Dream into my daydream
&… let there be "beyond"…
I wait
In my daydream
Come
originally written 4th Nov 2024
May 8 · 49
wordless
Rubyredheart May 8
I tried to write a poem
explaining how words fail me
describing how I love you
elaborating on
emotions, desires, passion, appreciation,
the many ways I value all of you.
I tried to artistically create
the essence of ALL you mean to me
I can’t.
You are indescribable
&
I love
all of you
&
originally written 30th Oct 2024
May 8 · 73
believe
Rubyredheart May 8
please, Believe and never forget
never doubt
You are the one, the only One
I truly love with passion
or ever have
You possess my thoughts
I
Love
You
Always
originally written 22nd Oct 2024
May 8 · 67
crazy for you
Rubyredheart May 8
My heart will forever flutter for you
Your image, your voice, your memory
will always free the butterflies inside
sending me crazy for you
Yes, I'm crazy
crazy for you
originally written 9th Oct 2024
May 8 · 58
incomplete
Rubyredheart May 8
Such a good life!
yet incomplete
when you are not Featured
in my life
when you are not mine

You are my Eventuality
originally written 7th Oct 2024
May 8 · 89
inside the heart
Rubyredheart May 8
Inside your heart reside the remnants of my home
You are my happy place
likewise
I wish you would rest inside my heart,
would live inside my pleasure
would have me be all yours
Inside your heart
originally written 4th Sep 2024
May 8 · 86
do you know?
Rubyredheart May 8
have you a clue how much,
how very much I DO love you?

I love you
crave you
adore you
want you
need you
desire you
seek you
cling to you…

with aching constant in your absence…
"incomplete" best describes
this existence without you…

Sapiosexual I am for you--
Your beautiful mind & heart & soul
they ever draw me closer

still I know,
that even if deranged you grow
I will ever love the core of you

You are my Missing Piece
You are my Someday Dream
You are my love
my forever Love
originally written 29th Aug 2024
May 8 · 70
Travel Companion
Rubyredheart May 8
City bustle & calm jungle lakes
Ethnic spices and sweet rice cakes
Mystic temple caves, scenic highlands,
Bluff-side hot springs & ape islands
In far-off countries where adventure takes
Still missing the joy your presence creates
This longing heart thirsts in a dry land…
Someday might I wander while holding your hand?

For you, only you, I always will wait
my desired & favorite Travel Companion
originally written 28th Aug 2024
May 8 · 546
Memories
Rubyredheart May 8
On a river of memories
I drifted again today
to a garden of roses
a green field dotted with daisies
We napped there on a blanket that I still own
(just like these memories of you)

I wish you presented
In more recent memories, too
They miss you
Like I do
originally written 28th Aug 2024
https://youtube.com/shorts/HSKGxEC6UR4?si=Rl5wd8WXHvyg1feO
May 8 · 82
everything
Rubyredheart May 8
how deeply I need
Your affection
Your passion
Your love
Your body
Your touch
Your love
Your ***
Your ******
Your love
I need you
nothing else
nothing
erases the missing
fills the hollow left by your absence
I need you
Friend
Soulmate
Lover
Missing Piece
originally written 23rd May 2024
May 8 · 20
know
Rubyredheart May 8
Surely I’ve said it all before
still I feel it every day & every night with such strength
I wish for fresh new ways to tell you & convince you
I miss you
I love you
I want you
I need you
Talk to me
Share with me
Show me
Tell me
Touch me
Hold me
Take me
Know me
Your voice
Your image
Your words
Your presence
Your touch
Your love
I burn for you

Nothing communicates all

If only I could fall into your embrace
maybe then you’d know
I am always all yours
Originally written 2nd May 2024
May 8 · 56
Midnight Snack
Rubyredheart May 8
Taiwanese fermented tofu & rice
But I’d rather you were my midnight snack
always,
stinky tofu
originally written 29th Feb 2024
May 7 · 61
Red Light
Rubyredheart May 7
Would you linger with me
Soft lips meeting
Savoring the stolen moments
of red-light kisses Someday?

I’m saving them all for you…

My thoughts will fly your way  
At each red light each & every day
as in dreams I’ll wait
Originally written 21st Feb 2024
May 7 · 101
The Nerve to…
Rubyredheart May 7
I wish I had the nerve
Wish I didn’t revert
to fixing, soothing, fawning, self-erasing
I wish I could remember how I feel,
find the words…at the right time
but mostly find the nerve

How many months am I allowed to hurt
after a couple decades of injury?
I wish I had the nerve
to take MY turn!
Then, I wish he would just listen.

Yes, angry now
that I don’t have the nerve
to carve out a place for MY hurt
Or better yet
to find my own safer space to heal
May 5 · 109
remain
Rubyredheart May 5
you dwell so deep within my fantasy
i cannot loose you from my longing
your name and touch flow through my veins
your body is my heat
your face and voice though faded, reappear
in watercolor visions of my dreams
your erasure fails
because you are my book of memories
you’ll ever be my always wish
when i frame my love
when i draw the walls of home
there you remain
my love
ever haunting my hope
originally written 16th Apr 2023
May 5 · 66
Memories or Dreams
Rubyredheart May 5
Were those days real,
The sunshine moments conversing?
Did those precious few nights exist
Blanketed by your breath?
Where do memories end
and visions of desire begin?
Those words of love you spoke—
are they memories or dreams?
Will they yet come back to me?
originally written 11th Apr 2023
May 5 · 210
from experience
Rubyredheart May 5
there’s no grey in black & white
until the bleeding starts
then, sometimes
there’s even color
May 5 · 302
Ready
Rubyredheart May 5
Is this because I hurt you
so Deeply?

I’m sorry
I truly am Sorry

Lay it all on me
I’ll listen
Just listen

I DO care!
Originally written 6th Mar 2023
but always true
May 4 · 67
Happy Lunar New Year
Rubyredheart May 4
“Will this rabbit’s foot
Bring me good luck?”
Said the bunny to the sheep
Pointing to her tired feet
Having walked too far
In the wrong pair of shoes

“Probably not”
Silenced the sheep,
“It’s all water under the bridge”
(But the bridge had long since
Been washed out)

The animal crossing
Makes for a good story
& traditions are fun
But horoscopes are useless
When fates rest in human hands

Anyway,
“Happy New Year”
whispered a cheery moon.
“Let’s all just enjoy the day”
While the little Leo children,
Laughed to find red envelopes
& danced with the lions.
Originally published 21st Jan 2023 on DUP

I’ve been playing with AI uses more lately & was curious how it would interpret this more cryptic piece. While there are 3 secrets in the symbolism it could never know, chatGPT gave a decent breakdown.
May 1 · 52
Untitled
Rubyredheart May 1
Though it’s probably untrue
that you think of me so little
It doesn’t really matter;
What really matters is
you would have me BELIEVE it’s true.
Which probably means,
you don’t WANT to think of me
Apr 24 · 89
Analysis
Rubyredheart Apr 24
It was here, last December,
I thought you’d come around
Now we are back to treading
That same silent deserted ground
What the ****?!
Are you this warm/cold cycle
For everyone you call a friend?
Or save it just for me--a girl
who thought you’d care until the end?

You said deletes were “needy”,
of analysis you’re weary;
Please! return for explanation,
or your behavior is just ******.

If I could put my heart back in my chest
maybe I’d not care about this mess
but it’s locked in your hands
crushed there as away you dash.

Am I not worthy the respect
of last words before you fly?
Was your wish for friendship
a soon regretted lie?
Apr 21 · 77
Unintended
Rubyredheart Apr 21
I didn’t want that…
It was an absent-minded slip,
A genuine mistake,
The wrong touch

& now again
I mourn what cannot be undone
A likely risk
sure to one day come
Does loss ever become
easy, acceptable, humdrum?

perhaps…because
the part that isn’t saddened
sighs, shrugs & resumes
as intended

still the cloud hangs heavy
carrying another mistake
Apr 21 · 127
Hearsay
Rubyredheart Apr 21
You let my heart
run wild
with yours today

I wish I could say, it’s true…
but, rather, I just miss you
Apr 21 · 103
Rudimentary
Rubyredheart Apr 21
I want to take you

Let basic instincts overcome
I want to let the Beast inside
Run Wild,
run Free
…just RUN
I want to merge, converge
with desire and passion and need
I want to hold your greed
hear you plead
with dilated eyes for more of me
I want to merge our rhythms, merge our rhymes
Merge your deep heart deep with mine
I want to feel you feel my deep inside
Let thinking stop & love the ride
Let rudimentary vision win
I want your all!
the Divine, the Sin
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