i tried to write a poem
i wrote "this beautiful life"
the first line on the paper
said "it is all a lie"
i tried to paint a picture
explaining all i couldn't say
halfway down the canvas
i ran out of black paint
so instead i baked brownies
for a party of one
laced with something special
my entire body numb
lying on the floor
the poem and the paint
and an old abandoned body
who's last words were
"i want to escape"

the year i fell for summer
i fell in love with the smell of pine
camped out under the stars
and fell asleep to a country lullaby

the year i fell for summer
it was the year i first tasted wine
snuck into a few bars
and that was the year i let my childhood die

the year i fell for summer
your lips tasted like chocolate on mine
i learned to play guitar
and that was the summer i told you goodbye

Some people sit and watch and say nothing at all, and others say too much and miss everything and everyone around them.

In a way, a persons silence seems to give a looming of power the them over others. On the other hand, they are outspoken and have no control of any given situation. Is there gray area between the two? Can you be silent without being mysterious? And can you be silent without being disregarded?

Some people may find need to fill silence with sound, with their own voice. In my own experience, the people who do this tend to be overtly confident, but lacking in charisma. These people build themselves up past the point of admirable. They drive themselves off the cliff of confidence and into the sea of cockiness. Can one be an everspinning record without putting themselves on a pedestal?

Where is the inbetween? Can there be a constand buzz behind silence or is there only disregardable ringing and deafening quiet?

ive written about meeting him for a second time and where i thought we would stand and how i thought we would change and where i thought we would be in our lives. ive written about knowing each other only in passing and imagined learning about each other again.
its not like that though is it? i need to stop living in the future. i should have thought we are not together now. point blank. i should not expect nor dream or imagine but live in the present. because now we are us. then you were you and i was i. and before we were we.
i am okay with you being away now. and i was okay with not talking to you at all. but i am happy to be the person making you happy whether its miles or minutes away.
the space between us has changed us both. we went from the same page to very different books. even reading at different speeds, we have found that the spaces between words and lines and before paragraphs are universally the same size and that is where we stand for now.
i will gladly listen to your voice through all the in betweens.

the past eight months have been bumpy and ive stopped labeling things by events because theres too many
time in my head has changed from months and days to labels even though i still know the exact dates and exact events
the earliest time was easy and seemingly happy without knowing what happy was
the earliest time was before you
then there was you all four months of you you you and this was what outshone and outshines everything
you were everything
there was the worst which i label as the first week because the first week was significantly bad without you
we didnt need a first week because we just fell into place
separately though i counted hours and minutes and seconds without you
after the first week was the off week when things were fixed but not
the week that we tried but failed
then there was time and emptiness and general sadness
there was the second try but this time i broke it off
i was scared to lose you so i took you from myself
then there was the third try where things were almost okay but they werent
you were leaving
when you left there was a new first week and if i though the first was bad this first was worst
this first week was nothing because im nothing with you gone
i find that our story is easier told with time

ive never understood why people would do on again off again relationships but now that im put in a place of knowing what i want but not always having it i would be willing to go through anything to have it for any period of time

WHO WAS THE WINNER WHEN YOU GOT PLENTY OF HATE IN RETURN FOR MY HEART BREAK? THERE WERE TWO SORT ENDS TO THIS STICK WERENT THERE? AND THATS JUST THE NAME OF THIS GAME ISNT IT? BUT COULDNT WE HAVE MADE OUR OWN FATE?