I want to cry
But instead I write poems
And sob through them

Its a rough night tonight
My head feels like it's exploding
My asthma won't let me breathe
Along with my anxiety

My thumbs hurt like hell
I feel much less when well
Nausea cause by none other than my thoughts
Just wanting to go to sleep

I lie
and
I lie
and
I lie

I hide my behavior
to keep you safe.

I keep quiet
not to offend you.

I agree with you
to keep you happy.

I walk on eggshells
for you and
it’s never enough.

I lie
and
I lie
and
I lie

but when the truth
arrives at that
final moment;

jaws will drop
plates will shatter
dogs will growl

and
you’ll be long gone
after seeing what
a ghastly beast
I am

but for now

I lie
and
I lie
and
I lie

to keep us
together.

We laughed
Until we couldn't breathe
Not even knowing
What in the world
Was so funny
It was wonderful

I breathe anxiety
I cry panic
And I carry bombs just waiting to burst all of it out

Oh no
Tomorrow is monday
Tomorrow is the beginning of the end
Of everything
How I am so supposed to smile with that knowledge?