We watched in horror
As planes crashed
Into the World Trade Center
And eventually collapse

We watched with eyes dripping tears
As the TV screen
Flashes faces of innocent children
Gunned down at an Elementary school

What has this world come to be
Lives taken for no apparent reason
Lives taken of the most pure
And all we can do is grieve

We wage wars
We seek justice
But in the end we grieve
As we lose more lives either way

We watch from afar
As our troops
Come home on their shields
Drapped in our colors

Another day of grief
Another day of tears and mourns
Haven't enough lives been stripped?
Hasn't enough blood been shed?

Ups
Down
Tripping
Falling
But you made the dirt
Tastier when I ate it
Making it easier
To dust myself off
You'd offer bandaids
A helping hand
Yet I'm as hard headed
Almost as stubborn
As you are
You taught me
That life isn't about taking it
It's about conquering
Everything that wants to bury you
The Long Road
Isnt living cautiously
It's learning from mistakes
From the risk you take
Being prepared for possibilities
Accepting of consequences
Everything you did
Was for my betterment
That I fought you over
Thinking I mastered
Those pieces of advice
If not for you
I know several places
I'd be stuck in
Without hopes of a future
You held my hand
To make it this far
Now hold onto your faith
And walk with my heart
As I make you proud
With every step I take
Down this long road
We endure called life
With your teachings
I'll obliterate remaining obstacles
I love you mom
Happy mother's day
The only present I have
That's worth anything
That I can offer
Is the smile I bestow
Everytime you witness
Me implementing
Those invaluable lessons
You diligently worked on
Instilling them into me
Thank you

This is for all you political
Corrupted back stabbing ****** bag
Son of a *******
Who think you can get off on our taxes
Wipe your *** with our opinions
You ******* ****** think you're all high and mighty
Well ***** listen up
From all of us middle class and poor
From all of us you look down on
Chuparme la polla
Lick it up and down
Side to side
And watch as the ***
Shoots all over your ******* face
Because I am a ******* loyal citizen
But I get treated like I don't ******* matter
You ****** me off
So I'll **** on you right after
Chupas mi polla

You called me at exactly 1:36 am
I was already up
I saw your name
I remembered the fight we just had
I didn't want to talk to you
I told you that you were weak
You couldn't love a man
That left you in the middle of your anniversary
I even congratulated you
You yelled at me and cursed me out
I was always there for you
I didn't deserve that
I never turned my back
Maybe I should have
I wrote you poem after poem
Handed them to you after school
I resent you for what you did to me
But I can understand the excuse you gave me
To a certain degree
Isn't it common sense
To hold onto that fairy tale love
Because it is **** near impossible
To find and obtain another
You made the decision to walk away from it
I loved you
You were the first
To every be given a second chance
And within the five days it took for you
To decide again to leave
We were never together
Because you never said a word to me
Never even let me kiss you
Just a hug and a "I'll talk to you later"
You can't let me go
That's what you say
Yet here you are fighting with me
Pushing me away
When I'm trying to keep my promise
That no matter what I'll be there for you
Yet you're making it impossible
I loved you
Now I resent you
Simply because you were and still are immature
Not realizing how happy I could of made you
So I hope you're happy now
When you get to hear my voice(mail)
I'm not picking up the phone
Even if you left a message saying
"I'm going to ******* **** myself if you don't speak to me"
By all means do it
I don't care
I want you to be happy
So if you think you will be happy in death
Goodbye
I'll just have one missed call
A call I won't return
I'm done

Simple question right?
Wrong!
You have to have something
If not anything
Before you can say
Your thankful for it
What are you thankful for?
Me?
I'm only thankful for my poetry
And the many readers
Even those who understand
What I'm talking bout in my poetry

Just like my heart...blank
Just like my soul...empty
A blank page poem
A mirror image of myself
I hope your happy now
This is what you did to me

It's all it takes to make me happy
All I need to put a smile on
3 things reason enough
To become a better man
Than I was a second ago
My daughter
Innocent and energetic
Heart of gold
I'd plate with titanium
So it would never be broken
Lock away in a far away castle
Too high for even dragons to reach
But I know you can't hide
The radiance of her eyes
Intrigued by everything
With a giving hand at her age
My Family
Jokes and burns
Scares and bruises
We give each other just for a laugh
Toughening each other's minds
Keeping the wise still sharp
Forging the young
Into durable adults
Prepared for anything
Ready to take charge
Tearing out walls
To open their own doors
My friends
Uplifting and always there
Significant to someone like me
Who fears the dark
Wishing to never be left alone
If not for them
I would have given up
On chasing the dream
Of becoming a man
My little girl is proud of
It's gratitude before me
Oceans of debts
Money could never pay back
Only my success could do
Proving to them all
Their failure to give up on me
Wasn't in vain
That I was truly worth
Every drop of effort
They didn't realize they put in
A simple smile
A helping hand
An "I got you if you need me"
Late night talks
Advice I didn't think I needed
It all molded me
Every bit of kindness
I didn't think I was worth
I say it's 3 things
Yet that's just the categories
I've placed the thousands of hands
I refuse to let go of, in
Thank you
From my soul
To the tears that fall
As I write this
While I'm supposed to be working
All of you saved me
When I couldn't save myself

19 years old
4 car wrecks
All I should have died
People say it was gods will
I don't care what it was
I should have died
I wanted to die
My life a shambled mess
Of questions and fears
Will I succeed
Who will give me a chance
Do I get opportunities
Or am I stereotyped into immaturity
I've whispered only truths
Screamed nothing but respect
Played ***** to the man
*** bent towards the sky
Solicited my dignity
Abandoned my pride
Murdered my ego
Just to ask for a job
But still got rejected
This life isn't mine for long
I can feel it slipping away
Death whispers on the wind
It's scent calling on the waves
In this world I'm only another victim
Another corpse to be lain to rest
A weakling that couldn't survive
Another fool buried beside them all
A soldier trying to protect his own
A stereotyped scraggly pothead ***
Based only on my looks
I wear plaid jackets and beanies
Boots with a mustache and beard
I ask for shelter
Leave before the night is over
Im a worthless ******* in the homes
Of strangers unknowing what I go through
Life was perfect in the beginning
With family to love you
Give you reasons to smile
Give you the comfort
Knowing you were safe by their side
But in a world hungry
For souls of the innocent
Thirsty for the hearts of the hopeful
We find only death our true friend
The only truth to this life
You'll say I'm only complaining
But look around
Tell me what part isn't true
These are the rantings
This 19 year old scraggly pothead
*** in your eyes has left
A last resort
To save himself and the world
He grew up in
Watching it devour itself
With us as collateral damage
Us the reason we forced its hands
Savages wanting death
Tormenting till its suicide
A quicker answer than saying
There truly is hope
But I'm a blinded kid
Staring at the hallucinations
Of a light at the end of a tunnel
That never existed to begin with
This is just the darkness
We all contributed to create
Too scared to face music we wrote

I've told you countless times
You're perfect, amazing, beautiful, gorgeous
Yet when has any of those words actually meant something
You're just too...again nothing comes to mind
I can turn to the dictionary
Read it till something feels right
But I'll read it 11 times before I give up
You're a poem needing to be written
To be heard
Yet how can I do that when I don't even know you
When you're shrouded in mystery
I couldn't tell you how beautiful you are
Every synonym for it is a cliche
But saying you look you maybe will do the trick
It'll make me sound like an idiot
I don't mind sounding like an idiot when you ask me
"How do I look?"

I've driving smart cars on these roads
Passing up homeless emotions
This road is a one way alley
It seems like I'm the one loving
No reciprocation at all
Maybe I should let it run out of gas
Walk the rest of the way
Make an alley into a highway

I wonder if you really love me
Or if your using me to have someone
To love you to no end
I can't tak this anymore
I'm wasting my time
Pulling my hair out
Worrying if you're ok
If I'm the person you fell for
Or the ghost you can play with
I'm sorry but it's over
I'm done wasting time
I need to focus on true friends
I was never anything to you
So today you become nothing to me

She loved him once
Gave him everything she could offer
He wrapped his greedy fingers
Around her heart
Choked it till it stopped beating
But when she regained her strength
She found she still loved him
He couldn't find another victim
So he fed her lies and *******
He treated her like a queen
Found the treasure
He looked for once before
Only to shatter the remnants of her heart even further
She said to herself
Love him or **** him
If he can't love me
Nobody ever will
So she shot him
Hung him by his dying neck
Beat him with a dull machete
Used him for target practice
And slit her own throat
Their bodies found
Bathed in each others blood

The blade centimeters deep
Kissing the veins I tried to hold together
Don't ask me how I knew
But I know the thoughts are there
Please run from them
Run towards me
Hide in my arms
Bury your fears in my chest
Suffocate the tears with my cologne
I'm here never far
The pillows and blankets
Fortress in your room
Lay down on my back
Let me carry you through the night
Legs can grow weak
As the tyranny of the voices
Burdens them with screams
Never will they collapse
I'll drag us both
I won't let you fall
I'll love you
Even when you think nobody does
Don't ask me how I knew
But I know you think you're alone
I'm in the corner of your closet
Exactly where you threw me
The last time we fought
I'm made of stuffing
But I still bleed
Look at the stains I wear
Dressed for a funeral
Hoping it's not yours
Don't ask me how I knew
I'll just reply
It was the few times we did speak
That told me
You think you're alone

Remember those days
When you wanted me
Just as much
As I wanted you

We fight and fight
The love is still there
But the distance
Just cant be covered

We fell apart from each other
I drowned the love
With alcohol and drugs
And meaningless ***

While you continued
To hurt yourself
By breaking your heart
Over and over again

You know we were meant
To be together
But whats the point trying
That love is dead now

***** by our insanity
Murdered by our darkness
Lost in the distance
Forever we die alone

Your not within my reach
Your just a fantasy
But when I touch you
It's like pure ecstasy

I hate you
I want to slit your throat
But only if you had one
Your dead to me

You left a hollowness in me
You made me bleed
Your just a dream I had
Now I hate you

I gave you so much
You took everything
Like a greedy thief
And then abandoned me

I HATE YOU!!!
How much blood do you want?
Your a dangerous game I played
Where the winner is always you

I'm not good enough for you
I sound like a *****
Know this: I can't cry
But I hope you choke on all the blood


I HATE LOVE!!!

From this prison
From these chains
From this hell
From this life
Release me

I beg of you
Rip my eyes away
I wish to see no more
All this blood and death

From this pain
From this hatred
From this curse
From this emptiness
Release me

I beg of you
Rip my ears away
I wish to hear no more
All these screams and weeps
That echo in every corner

From this earth
From this history
From these walls
From this rage
Release me

I beg of you
Rip my arms away
I wish to feel no more
All these scars and fresh wounds
That dress this body

From this everything
From this universe
From this pity
From this uselessness
Release me

I beg of you
Rip my tongue away
I wish to taste no more
All this blood and flesh
That I feed my inner demons

Just release me
From it all
All the memories
I torture myself with
Please anyone, somebody?

I beg of you
Rip my nose away
I wish to smell no more
All the decaying and rotted corpse
That cover this apocalyptic world

Now do you understand
Why I ask of you
To release me
And free whats left of me

Why are you broken
Gasping for air
Beating to a silent rhythm
Bruised from the constant pounding
My dear heart
Why are you at my feet
You belong in hands
Tender enough to care for you
Why is your speech so slurred
My dear heart
This letter is for you
I wish you had a better owner
I'm sorry doesn't cut it
But I'm sorry for the pain
I so blindly put you through
I'm sorry your lungs have failed
I wish we could of lived together
Peacefully and with one mind
My dear heart
Rest in Peace
I'll let your ghost read this
I'll place it in my chest
So you can haunt this body
And read this letter
I so know had to write you
To say I'm sorry

Your me
You have the same scars
In all the same places
Yet there is one big difference

Your a girl
Maybe no younger then 15 or 16
I'm a dude
Of 17 years of age

Mirror mirror
Quite the opposite
Because your a girl
But looks nothing like me

The scars are emotional
The torment is mental
The physical attraction irrelevant
Simply because we are so much alike
And I don't, can't, and won't love myself

Did she love me?
Does she now?
What can I do to get her back?
Am I useless?
Pathetic and weak by choice?
Did I forget who I was?
What the **** is wrong me?
I'm tired of the questions
Never accompanied by an answer
It's just somebody's opinion
That aggravates the rage
This ******* cliche life
Is a ruined wasteland
I might as well end
She awoken the sleeping poet in me
****, now I know why it went to sleep
One answer sponds two more questions
Should I love this girl to the fullest?
Should I avoid asking her out?
How badly will I hurt her?
Will she be the one to hurt me?
Life full of riddles and I'll riddle something for you
Is a life worth living if it was never given a chance to be lived?

When the pen runs dry
My legacy won't be
On pixelated paper
But a sticky note reading
I-O-U
While I hoist Davey Jones colours
Indebted to you I'll forever be
Because you gave me a reason to smile
When the universe rejected me

It wasn't trumpets and pianos
I played your funeral song
With the air out my ***
Then came the background orchestra
Of me ******* on your grave
Had a weird tune
But the lyrics were magically short
Two words with a repetition
*******, *******, *******
I never thought taking a ****
Would ever feel as good
Yet when it's on your grave
It's like ******* butter
With a cool relaxing feeling
I played your funeral song "mommy"
Hope you liked it
Maybe in a couple of weeks
It will all soak into the ground
For your mouth to taste
This lovely little tune
I played at your funeral

Smoke a blunt
The pain will fade
Get lost in the high
The voices will be silenced

Cut yourself again
Go a little deeper
Bleed it all out
Sleep in the lake of blood

Take another shot
Let the liquor burn
Scorched throats breathe fire
Drink till the wallets dry

**** another chick
Leave in the dead of night
She was just another ******
Tossed to the sewer

What the **** is wrong with me?
Where's my heart?
Will I love again?
Do I deserve to?
Same **** all over again
Suicide works for me
I'll die in a second
Let me finish my routine
Puff, Cut, Drink, ****
Add the last step
Que now → Die

There is no love for a poet
None, not even hint
Is the constant showering
Of romantic and beautiful pieces
Not amusing to you
Is the feeling of being needed
The center piece to my inspiration
The pinnacle of my muse
Not amusing to you
There is no love for a poet
You use us like tools
Playing like the fools we are
Simply because we are more open
Wanting no longing for attention
Yet at the slightest
We bury ourselves
Deep under your flesh
Wrapping around your pinky
And hence beginning the self destruction process
There is no love for a poet
Apparently we are useless
But what would you do without us
You turn to us when you have a problem
Beg us to capture you i our poems
When all you have done
Is reject the idea of loving us
Well *******
We are poets
Real poets
We have the open hearts
And welcoming smiles
Of people who truly know
What it is like not to be loved
We are poets
And there is no love for us

Growing up you want to be
Sleeping Beauty's knight
Snow Whites true loves kiss
Cinderella's prince charming
You want to be the reason
She has a happily ever after
Its all ******* fantasies
They never had a lick of truth behind them
False hopes for the young minds
Leading them to believe
Everything goes your way eventually
My happy ever after
Is everybody else's
Happily never ever
I find my solitude in the drugs
**** it all
The real me gets to run free
Carefree, **** it all
All those promises of me quitting
My happiness is in the alcohol
The whiskey of a dragons fire
Soaring down my throat
I want to get so ****** up
I have to look down to find heaven
So this prince of stupidity
Lived happily never ever
Drowning in a pool of his *****
Choking himself in mountains of anger
Always feeling like the last thing
On everyone's mind
Just a nuisance
Saying he loves her
Saying hello to him
It was all pointless to begin
So they lived happily ever after
When he finally shot himself.

Home is just a wish
Orphans make every night
Upon the smallest shooting star
I have no home
Because I'll be abused and abandoned
Beaten to no identification of my remains
Bruised beyond comparison
Scarred for life
I have no home
It's simple to understand
Is it not?

It never meant anything to me
Always beat it half it death
Made it play the sickest beats
Twisted my own hatred in with it
I don't know how good it can sing
But here...you can have it
My heart was always meant
To be in the hands of someone sane
Someone it can love with a smiling face
The very face I hated to look at
Because I never smiled
Unless my hands were around its throat
I'm abusive to my own heart
But I had help
From the liquor
The adrenaline potential overdosing drugs
The raging *** I had with your friends
My heart always beat for you
Always wanted you
So here...you can have it
It staid a live for this moment
It walked hand in chest with me
Over gravel glass
Through soulless jungles of tree corpses
It survived me
To be with you
So here...you can have it
It's finally safe on your black fingernails
Hiding in your palms
Cowarding from its biological owner

When I go to sleep
Holding you in my arms
Kissing you
Dreaming of you

Waking up to your smile
Kissing you
Telling you good morning
I just want to lay here with you

Days I dont want to get out of bed
Because your in my arms
Laying with me
And we are safe and at peace

I love you baby
I dont ever want to get out of bed
Being with you
Is today and tomorrows excitement

I dont wanna wake up
If your not in my arms
I dont want to sleep
If I cant dream of you

Your the world to me
And I dont wanna let you go
So please dont leave
Dont ever leave this bed

Stay with me
Till we are old and crippled
Times like this with you
I dont want to get out of bed

As you took your last breath
Dying in my arms
The blood from your wrist
Scattered everywhere
I was paranoid
On the brink of collapsing
But you needed someone strong
So I hid the tears
That still flowed
You needed somebody quick thinking
But my mind focused on not losing you
You slipped in and out of conscienceness
Your body so cold
I knew I came too late
I tried to be something
That obviously I was not at the time
I was completely scared
I dialed 911
But I knew they wouldnt come in time
I knew I was going to lose you
But I told you to hold on anyways
I told you I loved you
That I wouldn't be the same without you
That everything would be wrong
That words in my poetry
Would suddenly not make sense
And I would regret not coming
To your aid fast enough
I remember the last thing you said
I hear it clear as day today
It made me stop and stare at you
Thinking how could this be true
We were always friends
There side by side since we were kids
Held hands on the beach
Went to Disney World together
Rode the same rides
And the last thing I heard you say
Was that you love me
That you were sorry
And your eyes told me exactly how much
I told you to hold on to that love
To survive this and we would live a perfect life
We would be each others forever and always
But sadly you never even made it to the hospital
You died at exactly 9:36 p.m.
March 29, 2008
And every year I call your mom
To say I am sorry because I was too late
That I couldn't save her daughter
That I wasn't strong enough for you
That I know it was my fault you died
I am truly sorry
And will never forget
The last thing I heard you say

(225)-244-0791
Just in case of an emergency
Here is my number
Call me anytime I'll pick up for you
I'll be the suicide hotline
Family problems hotline
Anything hotline for you
Just call me
I'll be your 911
I don't want to lose you
I love you too much
So just in case
You have my number

Am I the reason
For the pain
In her eyes
Or the scars
On her wrist

Am I the reason
She feels nothing
In her heart
Or the voices
Echoing in her head

Am I the reason
For the tears
Falling down her face
Or the hole
Growing larger in her chest

Am I the reason
For the 45
Stuffed in her mouth
Or the bullet
Taking her life

Am I the reason
She contemplated suicide
Every second
Or the mistake
That should have never happened

Am I the reason
She felt loathe
Towards life’s beauty
Or the inchoate feel
That made her die

It feels like yesterday
I fantasized about
Making love at midnight

Now its just a distant memory
I love you
And the *** never mattered

I only wanted you
But the world slipped away
And you wouldn't hear me out

I don't want to say goodbye
But if your life is happier without me
I'm gone forever

Making love at midnight
Just a dream I had with you
So lets talk about this

Before we hurt ourselves
With irrational decisions
Produced by irrelevant feelings

I'll sit and listen to everything
That I know you want to say
And hopefully you will do the same

Making love at midnight
Only possible if we make up
And you allow me to say I'm sorry

I hate you
I cant say I want to love you
So why cant I forget you?
**** this ****
Im sick of it

You played my emotions
Like a **** fiddle
Well the strings broke
And Im not letting you fix me
Im saying **** it

You thought I could take it
You just didnt know how much
Well now you do
When I let the demon rage
And snap your pathetic neck

**** it
You hear me now mother?
I'll scream it at the top of my lungs
Till you finally hear this
******* and DIE!!!

Sure you ruined me
You even looked at me when I was young
And simply said ''**** it''
Well its my turn to say it
With your throat in my hands

You love me now mother
Well I still hate you
I will never love you
Someday I'll take these memories
And make you choke on them

Please I’m begging you
Don’t leave me here
All alone in the dark
By myself
Left to stare into eyes
That reflects my life
That shows my scars
Please I’m begging you
Don’t trust me with myself
I can’t stand to be alone
Not when this monster stares back
Into vacant eyes
Left hollow and soulless
For the last 17 years
Every smile and laugh
Just a mask to disguise
The pain and sorrow
Every hug and compliment
Just a lie
So I could know what it was like
To be wanted by someone
Who didn’t even know me
Please I’m begging you
Don’t leave me alone
As I try to sleep
And dream dreams you want to be sweet
But can’t you see
I’m so scared
Because I know what lies behind these eyelids
Don’t leave me alone
Because it will surely bring about
My certain and inevitable demise
So I don’t have to look into the reflection
And see eyes that tell my life story
Scars that show my weakness
Tears that never fall
Fears that control everything I do
Pain that never goes away
Anger towards life and love
Hatred because I don’t deserve life or love
So don’t leave me alone
Not in this darkness
Leave the light on
Stay until I fall asleep
I don’t want this evil anymore
It ruined everything
So please don’t leave me
I wish I could dream those dreams
The sweetest dreams
That even you taste their sweetness
But they are so bitter
From the disgusting taste of my darkness
I’m afraid of it now
I wish you could help
But you won’t even look into my eyes
Can you see the pain
Can you see the sorrow
The fear that I know is evident
When I awake screaming every night
Please don’t leave me tonight
Promise me you won’t say goodbye
That you will hold my hand through the night
Please I’m begging you
Don’t leave me alone with myself
I’m afraid I won’t survive the night
I’m afraid the monster in the mirror
Will escape and choke me out
Or put a bullet in my head
Shoving pills down my throat
Slitting my wrist
And letting my blood spill and flood the room
I wish you could see how scary it is
To ******* be me
So please don’t leave me alone
In this engulfing darkness
To be murdered by the reflection on the wall
The monster in the mirror
Please ******* help me
Save me from this darkness
I can’t take being me anymore
Don’t leave me in this cold still darkness
To rot as a dying corpse

Somebody out there save me
I sent a message in a bottle
Poured all my emotions into it
And I think it sank to the depths
I just want somebody to help me
I can't stay on this deserted island
I'm no Robison Crusoe
I have no intention of being the depressed version of Gilligan
I'm tired of being an outcast
Shadowed by everyone
I want my own spotlight to stand in
I want to fight with the stars
So I can bath in the blessed moonlight
I can't fight the universe
But a poem a day
Keeps the pain away
Right?
S.O.S
I need some help
I can't find it
The water supply is running out
The timber on this land
Doesn't exist
I'm sinking into a ****** pool
That covers three quaters of the Earth
I need solid ground
Not cave-ins at the slightest touch
Please anybody out there
Help me
Save me

From me

There is a young man
No older than your son
Your brother
Your uncle
Your nephew
Or even you
He sitting on his knees
Whispering a prayer
To a god
And when he is done
He will lay in bed for the next three hours
And hope God will answer his prayer
He prayed for death to come
He prayed for his girlfriend
Of almost two years
To forget him and move on
For someone to be his voice
For someone that could have been there for him
To listen to is worries
But unfortunately before that prayer
Is even thought to be answered
He will have taken 36 of 20 different pills
Choked on the chemicals mixing
Suffer from his stomach eroding
Dying in agony
All because he felt like he was worthless
Like nobody bothered to get to know him
What a shame
See he was a poet
Had amazing artistic abilities
Listened to everybody else’s problems
Gave the best advice he could give
For years he tried to make everybody around him happy
And his last thought before he died
Was that somebody took the time to read this
Because it could save the life of somebody
That he didn't need to know
That he didn't have to love
But wanted to help anyway
Because he was your voice
When you couldn't find the words
He was your echo when somebody didn't listen
So I’m glad you took the time to read this
Because somewhere it just saved a life

If you saw me
Dancing on the edge
Of the tallest building
Would you cry
Would you scream
Would you laugh
The thought of one slip
And I'll be no more than a puddle
Condensed tissue and bone
An image of hog feed
Laying in the street
Does it terrify you
Perhaps a thrill
A tingle up each leg
A chill down your spine
But maybe that pattern I make
Will write paragraphs
Using sidewalks as paper guides
Making my last thoughts of you
Explode on the asphalt
The way they ravage my cranium walls

I'd go to war with every god
Just to see you smile one more time
I'd spill the blood of a million
Just to save your soul
I'd set the world ablaze
Just to hear you giggle
I'd slit my own throat
Just to have you breathe a sigh of relief
I'd bath your enemies in my blood
Just to have them stop hunting you
My love their isn't anything I wouldn't do
Just to have you in the safety
Of my castle arms once again

I have no words left to say
My hand still speaks
Even as my heart and mind is silenced
Drained from the years of writing
When will it end
When can I finally rest
This **** hand wont shut up
And I'm trying to sleep

I want you to rid me
From vacant dreams you fight at night
I want you to curse my name
Forsake me into the deepest parts of hell
Its what I deserve
So give to me all that I want
You never allowed me the chance
Of obtaining what I truly wanted with you
Maybe I over shot it
But darling I want you hate me
Hate me like Christians hate Satan
Hate me like water hates rock
I want you to hate me
Because honestly I no longer care
I only have one purpose
And that's to fend for myself
In a world filled with wolves and vipers
So hate me
I know that's the only thing you can give me
The only thing I truly want now
Is your hate piercing through the void
Within my chest and reach my heart

I heard all your screams
I listened to your stories
I rolled with the struggles
Yet here you are
Refusing to acknowledge my existence
Depressed as I am
And you make my loneliness
Even stronger every minute of the day
So here is a letter
To mark my suicide
That your selfish actions led to
I called several people
But it's late in the night
Phones are off
Sound asleep
As I race through thoughts
Through memories
Hoping one of them could save me
But I just lie here
Blade sharp
Bottle half empty
Nuse tied tight
Pistol loaded
All I'm waiting for is a reply
A letter back
That someone will listen
But that could be ages from now
Time I don't have
Dreams I will never achieve
So I bid you farewell
As I try and end this hell
To live in a world where
I truly am loved and never ignored
Because I will be the only face
In the darkness of death
So good night
Sweet dreams
Live happily without me
          
           Sincerly,
               Robert Guerrero
               12-12-12

Its the world I go to
When all my love is rejected
When everything fails
When my best friends fail to guide me
Out of this dark place Im in
So I just grab a bottle
Drink till the pain is gone
Jumping straight into a drunken wastland

I called each of them six times
Trying to get this off my chest
But each and everyone of them rejected my call
So here I am
Bottle in hand
Trying to find the path
To a drunken wasteland
That I missed for so long

I attempted suicide nine times today
Failed each time
So Ill just drown my pain and sorrows
Till the world itself becomes nonexistant
This drunken wasteland is a peaceful place
Really there are no worries and no more pain
Just people who have ruined lives as well
People who truely understand what Im going through

I just wish when I leave this place
That I could breath
Stick my head in the clouds
And find peace for once
Dont I deserve some kind of heaven
In this **** hell
When everything is the same
I just run and hide in a drunken wasteland

When does it become too long
Or maybe long enough?
8 years?
How many times does it have to be said?
How loud do I have to say it?
Till it echoes?

I love you

Guess 8 years is long enough
It echoed you just didn't hear
Sorry but this time goodbye
Will have been louder
Than the millions of times
I whispered, screamed, and choked
On three words that have no value
I'm sorry I wasn't good enough
Sorry I loved you the longest
The most
You were the one beam
In this vacant home
Keeping me upright
You snapped
I'm staying down
**** these emotions
They can be the dust
The wind stole when I hit the ground
It was over before love was a reality
It was over before age touched my eyes
Guess bye is the only response
I'll have for you
I love you has no meaning
No worth in both our hearts
Corpses weren't meant to breathe
So I'll let this heart stay dead

I'm 23 as of today
It was suppose to be special
Because the father I never knew
Was suppose to come today
He said he wouldn't miss it for the world
And come to find out
He traded me in for a six pack
Some 26 year old *****
Out for only the money he stockpiles
In every pocket he can find

I lived a poor life
With my mom working two jobs
Barely able to pay the bills
Me quitting school
Even though she hated the idea
Me getting a job as a landscaper
At the age of only 13
Here I am working plants now
Crying because he promised

I had to raise my three siblings
Watch my baby brother die
Because his little heart wasn't strong enough
5 years old and he faded
Disappeared like our father
He says he left for that reason
But he was out the door
4 years before we even knew

How am I suppose to be the man
Of this already vacant house
When there was never a man to teach me
That being a man was sticking it out
Through thick and thin
No crutches and no lies
Just a god we pray to on Sundays
And a lie we live through the week
I can never say I'm strong
I still break down and cry
When I see my brothers footprints
Tattooed on my mothers chest
When I see his name on my arm

They say lessons are learned
Through the mistakes we make
Yet I'm learning more from everybody else's
Rather than stumbling and catching myself
I've watched my younger sister
Sell herself for $50
My younger brother go off to high school
My baby sister crying because nobody can help her
I'm lost and beaten down
I've tried protecting her
Yet I'm too weak to protect myself

My mom says she named me angel
Because I was her gift from god
Yet I know I'm the spawn of Satan
Always working
Always being the role model
I'm the most damaged one
On every possible edge known to man
Only centimeters from the cliffs
When does enough become enough
When do I get to rest
And engulf myself in throw away girls
You know the ones who you ****
Then watch walk out the next morning
Kind of like my younger sister
But she has her own life
Her own special "medication"
Her ritual to relieve her pain
While I'm stuck working 12 hour days
6 days a ******* week
Where church comes first on the 7th day
I want to disappear
But how would my mother feel
My brother my little sister
All those depending on me
Maybe this is the feeling of a man
The feeling a father gets
When things get too rough
Backs in the corner
No left hooks or right jabs to escape
Just alcohol and the flight plan
Where nothing else matters when you go
Leave everything at the door

I haven't had a girlfriend
Yet I've had *** twice
I don't know how I managed that
I've pulled my mother out of debt
Saved us from getting evicted
Even started a fund for my brother to go to college
I'm just hoping I can be as good as a father
As I am a brother and a son
I just wish I could tell every one
Through all the struggles
All the abandonment and self hate
I can still smile for those I love
Their what matter the most
Even when we get mad at each other

You started looking at my wrist
Asking me if I was cutting
You started to notice I wasn't wearing white
I always wore white around your father
He had a tendency of disliking dark colors
Thought it was emo and devilish
But I change that when he saw the cross you gave me
Around my neck
You'd try and pull my shirt off
When we were making out in your room
I leaped up and headed out the door
You knew right away I was hiding something
Pulled my shirt up and saw
The patterned scars on my chest
The crisscrossing of blade touched lines
Darkened and still bleeding
Burning from the incision
Irritated when you rubbed against it
This time it wasn't my wrist bleeding
It was something that still had the effect I craved
And the disgust you so intolerably loathed

Is this who I am?
Is this what I am?
Anger rushing through my veins
Racing with the adrenaline
Hatred in close third
I laid my hands on you
I swore I never would
I asked you to run
So why didn't you?
Why did you stay?
You knew it was going to happen
I had no control
I saw nothing but red
Blood was all I tasted
Hungry for the violence
Patiently waiting for me to wreak havoc
Tearing clawing at my insides
Is this who I am?
Is this what I am?
The monster you now have nightmares of
Do I frighten you?
I showed my true colors
Is this who I really am?
A monster seeking nothing but destruction
Setting fire to the bridges
It took years to build
Why?
Why didn't you run?
I begged you
Pleaded with you
To run the moment
You saw my pulse racing
Eyes going blank
Why didn't you run?
I showed my true colors
And you're now terrified to look at me
I'm sorry
Please forgive me
I know I'm a monster
But I never intended for you to get hurt

Radiant smiles dancing on morning dew pedals
Simple days require complicated smiles
Your smile is undecribable
That's why this poem has no meaning
It only ends when I use a simple cliche

Your smile makes my world brighter

in this icy world
in this constent nightmare
in this ruthless war
in this flooding ocean of blood
am i alone

on this path to darkness
on this island of screams
on this edge of sanity
on this sinking ship of hope
am i alone

i cant possibly be alone
because with every step
i hear a voice
a faint whisper
but i cant comprehend its words

as i shatter under the pressure
i finally see the source of the voice
i hear its words with perfect clarity
coming slowly from her lips
"your never going to be alone"

I've tried a million times
Then tried again
Just to find enough hatred toward you
To find a way to force a goodbye
Yet these emotions
Are nothinng but ghost
Nailed to my mistakes
And I wish sorry fixed it
But even tears I force
Can't spell help me say goodbye
I've tried running
I've ran till my feet bled
Danced in tequila
Paraded through clouds of smoke
Hoping somewhere I'll forget you
I've only managed to forget myself
And the reason why I started trying
Trying to give up on you
It wasn't fear
It wasn't stupidity
I just knew I wasn't good enough
I wrote to you a million times
Never pressed send
Just exited out and locked the screen
I wish I could say goodbye
The way you said it to me
A merry *******
And a happy Go **** Yourself
But I deserved it
I gave up when you started to give in
We met at a crossroad at different times
I still love you
While I know you'll hate me
This is a farewell letter to you
You'll know its you when you read it
I made it clear enough
Seems you were too much of a mystery

Popped six pills
Sipped on this bottle for an hour
It was dry in the first half
Opened some old wounds
Tried burying the hatch
From 17 years of torture
Found myself curled up
In the corner talking to myself
I know this is how it's always going to be
One more year
Still everything will be the same
Except one huge dramatic change
That might fill the air with a lighter shade of grey
I wont be there anymore
I'm not running
I'm escaping
Giving you all the bird
Saying hello to my baby
Let the sands on the beaches
Fill my *** crack
Let the water flutter over the rocks at my feet
While I'm holding her in my arms
So everything does get better
When you are gone
I'm going to make love to an angel
Make it a crime to look at her
Wondering how the **** I ended up in those eyes
Why I'm the one being blessed
To be captured in her memory
Knowing I loved her the way she truly deserves
IF I fail tell the world I ****** up
I'm not waiting for the next step to **** me
I'm waiting for the first time I get to say
Baby I'm home :)

The walls are closing in
Breathing is is is is imposible
Stuttering on almost every word
Trying to rush what I have to say
It was never meant to end like this
I was suppose to be the one in the coffin
You were to be at home asleep
Exhausted from running
From boulder tears rolling down your cheeks
Instead I'm locked in here
In the asylum of my own thoughts
Wondering every possible way
Of how it ended with us both
Hanging from a tree
Holding hands with a corpse
I'm still han...wait I can feel it
I'm slipping away into your arms