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 Jan 2017 Richard j Heby
I'm made up of poorly patched bullet wounds
So when the boy
I loved pulled them out with his teeth
One by one
I couldn't stop the bleeding
The panic in me, wild rabbit, scared kicking and screaming
The only thing that separates the one that eats you and the one that saves you
is the blood
Around its mouth, between the teeth

The trick is
They both look the same

See an animal will always bite back when you pull the thorns out will
Always try to claw your eyes out it
Does not know any better and he looked like a monster to me

"Oh god, oh god, it hurts."
Me, the bathroom tiles, in my head never out loud, maybe I can cry later
not today, not now. Hurts too much, I need a distraction: me; belly full of whiskey, mouth; numb teeth: smiling

A monster is a monster regardless of intention.
Dishonesty is a monster
Making me fall in love with someone just to feel alive enough to get hurt
To want to do so much ******* I wake up with bruises on my neck
My lips swollen
Everyone becomes a monster when it hurts
Just enough
For long enough

And I should stop telling my friends I want to die because it ****** them off
To see me hold the bullet between two front teeth; dangling like a cigarette and laugh

Oh god it hurts it hurts

When I talk about
The hurt I try not to sound like I'm chewing up and spitting out metal
Sometimes I whisper, sometimes my voice goes flat
To pacify the ache in me:
The numb cannot be monsters.

Me full of whiskey and a teeth full of lies
Mouth looking like the sharp edge of something you'd walk into and fall off of
Weak, wounded, ferocious.

The boy says **** me please **** me pleaseohgodjustfuckme
I say "I have"over and over again and laugh
Say I'm all out of bleeding say
I got some changing to do
Some stitches
This is the part where you run
Part where you're backing up so quick you slam up against a wall and I pretend I haven't seen this before
I smile
The blood
All over my mouth

Oh god oh god
 Jun 2016 Richard j Heby
this little girl
has grown, you know.

not in a cute way, though.
she has grown
like a gross building, soon
abandoned, but never to be haunted.

this girl carries no mystery,
even with her eyes
she stares blankly like a puddle.

she still dreams about the sea sometimes.

this little girl
is still a little girl, only now
her body is inflated and
the pure thing is a bit spoiled.

this little girl has never been
fine anyway.
this little girl misses you,
says nothing more.
each pairing


comes over words
lips over
sounds of
throats young.

hubble bubble
below the window sill:

                        summer; and; ******
trash sum
pretty is pink;

with its got ***
mouth full of speak,


                            "Choke me."

                          "We have a very unhealthy relationship."

the map's in my jeans,
your hands the zip code

الخريطة في بلدي الجينز ،
يديك الرمز البريدي
Falling in love the first time is easy,
you don't understand the risk.
It's like,
learning how to swim as a child,
you're unaware that you're unafraid of the unknown.
Once you're an adult, and understand the concept of how to swim,
and the possibility of drowning,
you realize,
it's terrifying.
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