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Feb 7 · 101
a pathetic note
I am glad to know there are people who appear on the surface softhearted, but live in a virtual world of appearance and superficial praise.

I am glad to know that whatever retribution for whatever ****** things I have whatever done, has been paid, at least I hope.

This is heartbreak, a ****** mess of feeling like i want to be punched in the face or left for dead or both.

This is death, a deliverance of pettiness and unfettered readiness.

This is apathy, the way to give up give up give up and not stop giving, until there is nothing left for you to take. This is apathetic. This is a pathetic note.

I rarely feel understood. I feel deceived and betrayed by you. I recognize my role, and at one point wanted us to communicate, begged you to communicate, pleaded for a single word, but everything fell on deaf ears.

I want you to recognize your role, for your sake. When the social media train runs out, and the fake friends run out, and the campaign loses steam, what will you have then? Hopefully your friends, your family, the unwavering statues of normalcy in a life of a girl who wishes only for fantasy, who cowers from real human struggle, and by doing so, never works through her own. Never a woman, always a girl. And I was always a boy.

This is a letter from a boy who accepted you all as you were, as a person, imperfect, but perfect for me. From a boy who did not accept a virtual version. This is a letter from a boy who cares not for instagram, famous faces, and other places. This is a letter from a boy who saw in you something spectacular and watched it disappear before his eyes. This wonder, this presence, this in the moment, forever essence. Now you're plugged in, the red carpet's coming, and I hope it makes you happy.

Love songs are coming and I'm sure they will be sappy, I hope they make you feel ****** like they make me feel.

An entire two years of music is dead. Anything you believed in, in me, is dead. I do not buy your lies. I have killed them off. And now, I too touched by your lying fingers, feel like, I ought to be dead too.
Aug 2018 · 219
code poem #4
Richard j Heby Aug 2018
If I revealed, in genuine, the depths of my desire,

I’d understand your hesitance, you likely would be shyer.

So I should lie wholeheartedly. But should I? Would I try,

if knowing that there’s one way through – by seeing eye to eye –

and we misstep. There’s nothing left, but dignity. Why lie

when dominance, incontinence are falling rather flat

(just like you) is pretty now at least you aren’t fat.
Aug 2018 · 238
Code poem #3
Richard j Heby Aug 2018
How

when knowing,

understanding my faults and redresses my halfhearted heart and weak regresses

do you insist on everything, and make sure I’m all right, and sing a stinging song, wrong

why

do you want to cry, every time I write, I lie?
Aug 2018 · 157
There are
Richard j Heby Aug 2018
Theremin arsenals reverberate sunsets to connect tin units.
Aug 2018 · 431
I cannot
Richard j Heby Aug 2018
Iodine cannisters, notwithstanding, bear twosomes live within outer units.
Aug 2018 · 839
Understand
Richard j Heby Aug 2018
Unless dermal standards myelate solely willingly, energy tangentially gullies into uric membranes, orbitally, eventually.
Oct 2017 · 341
AWKWARD
Richard j Heby Oct 2017
silence doesn’t have a sister to sit with,
alone on an island all of us
want recognition and none of us give it
or give a ****, then all of a sudden all of us
giving a ****
Mar 2017 · 1.4k
some things that make me sad
Richard j Heby Mar 2017
seeing other people get engaged, and knowing
it's *******, you're running amok
with your left hand,
and in your right holding the ring
how long will this last, this *******, face, farce
facade? Until it becomes boring, then back to *******.
Marriage is boring. Case in point.

people that make vlogs and say "what's going on guys?"
because what kind of question is that,
to a non-responsive audience?
What level of loneliness must you live in
that you think that's appropriate? The Internet
is not your friend. I am
not your friend.

Dancing when you don't hear the music
and you want people to see you dancing.
That makes me sad because the music
is the best part, and it's almost as bad as
laughing but you're not really laughing
and you don't get it and maybe someone died
but you don't know that person, though
you want to honor their memory by laughing
so you laugh, and I guess that's not that bad
but without laughter and music, we're animals.
Try me.
Mar 2017 · 617
Lemme chase you down
Richard j Heby Mar 2017
face down, call you my queen, give you a crown
knock my teeth in, knock my socks off
you can still tell the time, even with a knockoff
let's take a minute, or 30 have a block off
block party, rock harder, fire up the grill get your hands off my garter
if all you want is looking, then take none of this home cooking
if you let me buy you dinner, you can be the winner
of a brand new boyfriend, unshaven and sweating
will be late to our wedding, but make me a man
and by that i mean, can
you turn me around and make me hate drinking,
and thinking, and singing, and emotions with sinking
and stinking—it reeks, show me your cheeks
i'll kiss them by night, and leave in the morning
at least you'll know this:
our life won't be boring
Mar 2017 · 797
remember wanting
Richard j Heby Mar 2017
can you remember wanting,
otherwise regret is haunting
and the thought of it's over is daunting

the other night i literally fell into a flower bed
and it did not smell sweet, or much at all
i think i broke my nose
putting it where i shouldn't
it's always a power play push and pull touch and tumble
tickle my interest and i'll pick your incense
sometimes sounds surpass *** for sensuality
make a face like you're angry and you're evil
eyes roll back and take it tack it shoot a shot then rack it

everyone wants to say hi
until you say hi, so i get high
the reason why:
promise > reality
so i lie
in disguise
find a fine line
between casanova and creep
riding in a jeep or other 4x4
we hit the floor in a 3x3
went to the sea floor 2x2
noah's angels and all 1x1 have fun
Feb 2017 · 343
will you
Richard j Heby Feb 2017
will you wrap me gently
tell me that we're meant to be, but
no not you, who wants to
it's true no1 wants the 1 who wants
apathy is ****
caring an affront
Richard j Heby Jan 2017
There are a few things i might say
knowing i would pass today;
though fewer things that i would do
those things are all important too.
But living in the moment we
transcend our world of cruelty,
and past events of tragic loss
the world spins, the trees grow moss.
There is no single thing you’ll find
that can imprison your own mind,
but one thing you should know for sure:
your mind’s a prison, you’re the door.
The key is to stop questioning.
The door’s not locked, you’ll let you in,
for consciousness is all of us
and living, knowing, we’re all dust
is such a happy thought to think,
but sweeter still, a thought to ink.
Dec 2016 · 511
beach painting
Richard j Heby Dec 2016
<cloud>>>                                          cloud >>
                                          *sun
<cloud                                          cloud>>
wind>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
^umbrellas>>>>>>>^umbrellas>>>^umbrellas^>>>umbrellas^umbrellas>>^umbrellas^>>>
people>>>> people *******>>> talk people everyone sun >>>screening up spray me, read this>>> *******>>>, some are finding it, but words yelling up over the sound of the wind>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><which aways <<<<changes direction>>>>>> <<<< <<<< <<<< <<<<
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> <<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> <<<<>>> <<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>v <<<< <<<< <<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>but time always goes forward | for us at least.
Dec 2016 · 395
sonnet dec 16 16
Richard j Heby Dec 2016
Awaiting wakened words to weep, I find
my cheery voice will speak of suckitash
and other sense, non, recumpense, let’s dance
take off our hands all obligated cash
transactions, work and play, now pay for drinks.
we “pay” for ***, go out on dates, remind,
each other of our names, then fly to France
forget how one another speaks and sinks

into a stew. I add your mother’s salt,
all of it, for the hell of it, with poise
and grace, and the memory of your face.
we make our own breaks, and foot faults, put faults
on others, you always loved tennis and boys
we both said “I love” – having parted ways.
Oct 2016 · 332
for whatever
Richard j Heby Oct 2016
for whatever                 it coulda been
                        [reason]
makes me a seasoned senser of sensation-
alism altruism and any other ism
makes me wish
we coulda shared this
slice, but any way
i see you're doing nice
and boring
Oct 2016 · 309
that's the issue
Richard j Heby Oct 2016
that's the issue
all i wanted to do was kiss you
but i tried, and then I missed you
Oct 2016 · 362
something immediate
Richard j Heby Oct 2016
taking a back, taken a back
wishing, working, living is that
which bounds us to wishes with kisses
and misses, everyone is this,
the mr. and mrs.
the shotgun just missed
the cat is now ******
the fever is high
let me know why
you won't won't why how
or keep a kiss now,
let's whisper just lower
Oct 2016 · 259
the best
Richard j Heby Oct 2016
the best way to ward
off potential suitors?
trying hard,
that's why i like computers.
Oct 2016 · 294
at least in anything
Oct 2016 · 303
why
Richard j Heby Oct 2016
why
i feel like i could climb the room
when i see you, my
baby whom
ever biology tells
is lazy, why does love tell sepearate songs why
dont i know how to spelll it but tell it, why
don’t you get it i think thinkgs exist to say something orelse
they just exist and that’s the same thing
and you think so too,
what is this besides
something new
Sep 2016 · 329
the rogue scent
Richard j Heby Sep 2016
the rogue scent
of her perfume
through the a/c
Sep 2016 · 936
death comes in threes
Richard j Heby Sep 2016
they say death comes in threes
after 2 friends, barely 30
gone,
the prospect of a third frightens me
Sep 2016 · 304
stillness
Richard j Heby Sep 2016
stillness
floating, falling forgotten feather
pigeon flies away
Aug 2016 · 553
i don't identify with white
Richard j Heby Aug 2016
i don't identify with white
not when i'm on my bike
not when you call me ****
Aug 2016 · 390
How do i kill this?
Richard j Heby Aug 2016
How do i **** this
without killing
you? You
willing to try
or lay down and die? I
don't know if I can be either
but I'm willing to meet her,
probably even eat her. Out
on the balcony, lipstick
stained cigs in the ashtray, sticks
on the ground, and the sound
of water coming from all the
******* cars on those New
York City streets.

Although I'm not a ******* car
I am a ******* person, in that
I'm a person who *****, who *****
up relationships, and the kind of
******* who pulls out the chocolate chips
from cookies. You took me to your
cousin's house in France.
Last weekend, for the first time we danced
and loved it, then again, and again
it all went to ****.
Aug 2016 · 366
i bet
Richard j Heby Aug 2016
i bet i can make you sweat
if you let me inside, i won't come out
rejection stumps me
feeling simultaneously
empty and full of rocks
there is no happiness in
hens and *****
maybe in eggs,
but it's not worth the negs
poetry is cheap, so is whiskey
and so are those who say
"whisk me away on a boat"
i thought this came down to a vote
Aug 2016 · 489
it's over – haibun
Richard j Heby Aug 2016
three years and it's over in an instant, i can't face the reality of my reality growing so different. I used to look over to the empty couch and think you would be there, but you often weren't, you were somewhere else and now you won't be there at all anymore

froglet
hiding shy until –
the passing train
Jul 2016 · 843
emptiness or desire
Richard j Heby Jul 2016
Emptiness&horniness;&hungrinessAll;
feel the sssaame, slithrin’ like a snake baked’n fish oil
some callit desiree but I’m thinkin like I toil
hard to the soil. Y’know I need a fence era wall
to keep all them whatsabits outta here. Don’t stall
they’re coming tonight. We’ll put on the fight&boi;;
some pasta & F like we oughta *•••••”’ recoil’s
the worst part about having some FunwittaGun
You think she cares bout bein in there Wait – a crow’s call
Yall be quiet now, now now, now for You my one
I’ll eat you myself, then get welth&helt;;&MON-;
-EEEEEY – again with the crow, I’onno know wher its from,
maybe he smells ya, or ya babies, baby, beast time to
Feast and face the East or West or ******* You!
Jul 2016 · 306
dirty
Richard j Heby Jul 2016
Hey dummy,
wanna sit
on my face, ace?
i’ll what your mouth, and bust
your blouse, open
your lips, give it a lick, kiss your clip-
ped fingers, your must have fun
rough and tumble, gargle and gumble,
oozing *** appeal, i feel
like a crazy person when you stare at me, see
my bulging, iron bind and rewind
you to find a little bit.
Jul 2016 · 382
a secret
Richard j Heby Jul 2016
there's a secret unspoken and we both know it
's broken
it's the burning in your ears, or ringing tinnitus
responds a bird singing to invite us
to recall who we are, each
meant for the beach, better together,
in troublesome weather,
and when you said forever i got scared and left and fared
worse off, until i got caught
just kidding i did not
Jun 2016 · 784
Waiting for her to appear
Richard j Heby Jun 2016
Waiting for her to appear
Some say you make your own time
Others, tk abt good things, comin, n waiting
But what about great
How does that fit into fate?
I wonder if looking makes
it dissappear, it
Being the object of one's desire
Jun 2016 · 318
I'm stricken
Richard j Heby Jun 2016
With you like
You struck with
A stroke of
Luck, lightning
Of beauty,
Your hair hot
With humid
Air, your full
Breath sticks, breaks
On my neck
And my cough
Of coffee
Down the wrong
Hole after
Seeing you
Whole stark bare
With delight
I just might
Take you, tip
By top tongue,
My lungs soon
Wet, heavy
With words, birds
Chirping now
You're mining,
In my bed,
My lines, beat
Banging red
And gentle
On the sill
It takes all
My will and
Attention
To mention
Something but
What i should
Not mention --
Your tough tuft
And my hand
Every hand
Busts with lust --
We pitter
Patter on
Together
At one time
Singing out
Coming or
Going songs,
Fleeting like
Vagabonds,
Butterflies,
Or gas and
Air, right there,
You burst, then
Lay down white
With what did
You just say?
May 2016 · 335
respect
Richard j Heby May 2016
isn't a thing you should expect
or demand, otherwise you'll be left
with nothing but your
**** in your hand.
May 2016 · 265
what's a thing to say
Richard j Heby May 2016
that isn't the truth, but has a dash of it?
Like vanilla extract, the truth smells sweet
but tastes bitter, and drink enough of it
and you'll get drunk.
But no one has that much vanilla.
May 2016 · 238
there are some things
Richard j Heby May 2016
you don't know, some things
you never will. you never will the things
you want to
be, to be be-
cause you're afraid they won't ever be,
so they dangle on reality
waiting for your action
to free them from imagination. Imagine
it was your choice. "To be or not to be?"
is not the question
about life and death like we thought,
but about death and life, or doing and
not doing (but not inaction, that's 4 another time).
What I mean is this, to be is to live is to act is to
take the knife and stake it in your flesh
of the earth and call it your own, or easier than that to
say hi to someone
you've been wanting to say hi to. You've been wanting to
say hi for an hour, and maybe they've been waiting, maybe not,
but there are some things we'll never
know, no, not doing.
Mar 2016 · 252
trying to unchew
Richard j Heby Mar 2016
trying to unchew
the pit in my stomach
death
Mar 2016 · 460
evil at hand
Richard j Heby Mar 2016
yule tide outside, an
arsonist alights
a dead evergreen, and the
cunning fox trots
tirelessly to the fire-
man who gathers the
ipish pipsqueak.

You laugh far away, much
later.
#acrostic
Feb 2016 · 252
I won't
Richard j Heby Feb 2016
Be picking upyourused contact lenses
Feb 2016 · 591
The toilet is running
Richard j Heby Feb 2016
On the same sort of necessary apathy
That keeps my youth fixed in the weekend,
My tooth chipped, and sockets
With broken bulbs
There is no value on
In deliberate art
Feb 2016 · 351
becoming
Richard j Heby Feb 2016
becoming and unbecoming,
trying to wait and waste
time away from doing
the necessary objectives
life is the same
sim sam, tim tam see saw
whether you don't or do,
just make sure you check
the weather before you go outside
and always confide in the 1 u <3
Feb 2016 · 394
i'm not afraid of death
Richard j Heby Feb 2016
i'm not afraid of death,
no but
dying, dyeing
my hair
is different.

Change and pain scare me.

Deathbtwndust:nothing
but dying is rust,
something
going
away.
Feb 2016 · 369
before
Richard j Heby Feb 2016
Before it strikes, Life, sing.
Life, live right wing, left wing,
anything. Let a leaf
fall furiously slow,
don't let an old friend go
without an "ohhello!"

Oh, hell, no you don't
exist, except twist-
edly. Feeling bed-
ly: badly, bed-rid
another madley

of garbage.
Feb 2016 · 211
the re is
Richard j Heby Feb 2016
there is a delicate, impeccable, in between of nothing and birth
Feb 2016 · 284
be cuntent
Richard j Heby Feb 2016
be content with soup
contend w/ soup
can't end with soap
can't eat a stoop
what's the scoop
loopdy loop
Jan 2016 · 1.0k
speech by MLK
Richard j Heby Jan 2016
bellows in the belly
of sky
pulling out
thunder,
filled with
light n ing
Jan 2016 · 397
Cold on
Richard j Heby Jan 2016
Cold on my neck
I like feeling
The caw, the
Buzz in the heater
Still buzzing
Jan 2016 · 261
Growing up
Richard j Heby Jan 2016
I wondered when they'd call me sir,
Now almost 30, always almost 30,
I wonder if they'll ever stop
Jan 2016 · 244
the thought
Richard j Heby Jan 2016
the thought of my grandmother's house becoming a memory
fondly fading
deteriorating
fall leaves always fall
Dec 2015 · 261
poetry
Richard j Heby Dec 2015
political correctness and affectedness
overtly appeal to the need to appeal to
everyone who thinks they aren't everyone, but
truthfully, are a worse form everyone,
yelling yawningly boring lines about
raw fruit and other metaphors, published in the New
Yorker
#acrostic
Dec 2015 · 510
Rearranging the furniture
Richard j Heby Dec 2015
The rest of the furniture arrived today
And now i need to rearrange it,
But it never looks good with you in the room
i built it with your words
a box of nervous nails
an angry hammer and
screwdriver of spite
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