I never really understood
what it meant to
ache
with longing,
but now
I know.
I think too hard about
holding your hand
or kissing your lips;
sitting next to you on a train
or your couch --
or mine
and I feel it --
a sweeping pain.
Literal actual pain
from my teeth
to my stomach
to the tips of my fingers.
A reminder of how far my heart is stretched,
reaching for you.

that I will take home with me:

park benches in the sun

your hand in my hair

the care with which you cook

wordless touches in the morning to say we're awake

my fingers on your neck

forehead kisses

smile lines

cobblestones

windswept hair

backrubs

blister bandages

morning stubble

sunscreen stains

your mother's cooking

dog fur

sleep-rasped voices

strawberries

train selfies

reaching for your hand

a neon dancing fish

your grandmother's coffee

your lip ring against my mouth

five thousand three hundred twenty-seven miles

one date seed

there is an ache in my chest
the size of my current happiness
the shape of your touch
that will crack my heart open when I leave here

I am altered
changed by the reality of you
I don't know how to go back
to the smallness of only seeing you
through a screen
every dimension of you
compressed
into my pocket

loving you feels
...different

it's not a headlong rush
not a quick descent to a hard landing
not scary
or fickle

it feels
safe
comfortable
inevitable

I have grown into it
learned to love myself
and in so doing
recognized
over time
that you were there
loving me
just the same
as you always have

There lives this one guy in Kuopio
who is just a little bit dope, yo
his jokes are appalling
and yet he's enthralling
he's goofy, yet somehow I cope, though <3

in my dreams
this **** screen
grows large
becomes a portal
and with joy
I step across
into your arms
easy as that

I guess I'm a little impatient.