love is like Pride & Prejudice,
you might believe
someone isn’t the one,
but you may end up
falling in love with them.

and that’s the love i want.

i watch the colorful animals
trot along my vivid imagination.
the red and white stripes,
and gold lined decorations.
around, around, around once more,
but in fact it never stops.

my bones get weaker
but my heart is eager.
somehow, the carousel
keeps spinning,
through my dull life.
the red has darkened,
the white, not-so-white anymore,
the gold just ever so slightly tarnished.

my bones tired,
my heart has lost its fire.
the carousel slightly turning.
the red is now hardly visible.
the white is stained black.
and it was if gold was never there.

i found out this “carousel”
is not a “carousel”
but a clock,
counting my seconds,
while continuing to spin,
until now—
it has stopped.

‘tis the season,
of coldness.
my frost-bitten
figertips are sick
of the cold.
my red nose
and rosy cheeks
burning from the snow.
i wish i could drown
in the hot-cocoas
i long for.
my shivering arms
and cold toes
just want to be warm.
the darkness of the winter
makes the darkness
in my mind
find it’s way back.
spark me a flame—
thaw my cold heart
and hands.
remind me of warm thoughts,
the summer sun,
the burning of hot sand—
ugh, there’s only
snowflakes and frost.
i guess i’ll deal until
the warmness
finds its way back.

it’s painful,
extremely torturing,
that the ocean,
is 657.7 miles away.

the only place
that fills me
with such honest joy
is the beach.

it’s spiritual,
being in a gorgeous place,
filled with hot sand
and cold water.

instead of being
in the most wonderful place,
i’m here,
stuck in my room.

my room,
even if it’s just kentucky,
is filled with nautical
decorations.

it all just reminds me
where i’d rather be.
i’ve surrounded myself
with the ocean.

~•~

god i miss the ocean

victrola
the needle spins
on my records.
the cleanest sound
produced from it.
the sounds
echo throughout
my room.
my jazz music
ringing in my ears.
my tears fall with the beat
it spins
and spins
and spins the sounds.
the music chimes
not even a scratch on the records,
but it plays as if it was the first time.
i love the sounds on my
victrola.