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 Nov 2015 Rebecca Shain
Enigma GD
You can taste the words that leave her lips
and feel her eyes as they light up your face.
She dances around the back of your mind for so long that her toes begin to bleed and like music, she takes you away.
in order to breathe
i smother my lungs
with funny things
then exhale you
with a sigh of relief
just to wake up
the very next night
suffocating again
amidst the fight
Life is a paradox
So am I
If you choose your reality
then what is a lie

I walk through the desert
but its feels like rain
constantly changing  
nothing was the same
didn't mean to quote Drake
but when music been around this long
everybody sounds the same
everybody's right
nobody's wrong
music saves the soul
but so does God
how come a believer
can preach
but can't sing along
its like knowledge makes me smarter
yet erases where I'm from.
this world is crazy
you could be gone
in just a blink
don't think
in the scheme of things
do i really know anything?
originally song lyrics or something. Idk
time is perspective
Going through years of tangible memories
I realize I took for granted how creative my younger mind was
before the world had made any impact on my spirit
and I rested in an untouched place
a sanctuary of ideas that could easily manifest themselves into reality because anything was possible
a rich land of colors and frequencies I can no longer see or hear
time has enabled me to see just how bursting my mind was
and just how boxed it is now
I thought then as I do now
that my capabilities of creating are limited by the invisible boundaries I have yet to learn how to break
the only difference is, my creations I see from the past are crazy
my mind has traversed and ventured through many different landscapes since then
but all of our landscapes are recorded
I can still find that sanctuary from years ago
where the river of colors flows
I can't completely journey back to the land itself
but I can remember it and find a space for a river here
a river is never consistent nor steady throughout
creativity comes and goes whether it be days or years
but once it is in you it never leaves
the colors stay stained in your skin
no matter how many downpours wash you bare
or how many droughts scorch your skin dry
while cleaning out my room
8 o'clock* getting started
9 o'clock you want me tonight
10 o'clock poisoned veins, glassy eyes  
11 o'clock feed me perfumed casket lies
12 o'clock I reject you, first time
1 o'clock you light cigarettes
2 o'clock while I ponder
3 o'clock pity or
*4 o'clock
It's not till you're deprived that you can really love something
Anyone who has gone to a foreign speaking country can understand this
the words being spoken are stripped of all meaning to you
Then you go home and there's no more translating or confusion
You understand  
When you touch me I understand
I sense every subtle advance and fight to deny subjectiveness
But your language is too convincing, too poetic and I melt under your finger tips
they trace the trails of my silent desires in pursuit of the never ceasing void
The black hole that never stops consuming because there can never be enough
Fill me with pages and pages more than a million libraries
If not you, then perhaps the next
This is my language and you speak it so well
Then one day I'm stranded
Tens of thousands of years it seems on a desert island where the islanders don't speak the same language as I do
But one day I'm rescued and able to speak to the rescuer
It clicks back so easily and there is a deep appreciation for dialogue after being deprived
Now talk me to sleep as your hands roll across my back like the tide
Tell me what I Need to get me by before I'm stranded once more
Oh honey, you were nothing more to him than a late night hookup & an attention giver. He didn't care that he hurt you & made you cry.
Oh darling, you need to be stronger than this, you're nothing more to him than a pretty face with a nice ***. He doesn't care that you think about him nonstop.
Oh baby, you need to wake up, he's still in love with her & you are just a bump in the road. He doesn't love you.
I remember the day I met you
And you didn't even notice me staring
Then we began speaking
And each word that came out of your mouth
Was like music to my ears
That only I could hear

I could feel your eyes burning a hole in my neck
As you looked me up and down
Yet when I turned your way
You didn’t even acknowledge me

You made me so mad
When you ignored me when he was here
But you filled me with love
When he was nowhere

I loved you
For moments you created
Without even knowing

The way you pulled me closer
That night on the dance floor
As our fingers intertwined
And your breath warmed my neck

The way you payed attention to me
When we were alone
Treating me like the only one

The way your laugh
Turned all my problems into dust
As you looked me deep into my eyes

The way you spoke to me
About your future
And I was no part of it

The way you ripped my heart out
Without even knowing it
As you chose your friend over me that night

The way I had to be okay
With you leaving me
And sad

I couldn't hate you
Trust me I tried
I couldn't because you didn't even know
That what you did was so wrong

I hated you purely because
I love you
And you never loved me.
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