Every day
Comes, goes
Crazy cycle
**** this
Wanna stop
Breathe please
Stop suffocating
You can,
Just believe.
Well ****,
I can't.
Just dying
Forever, always
Never stops
Can't breathe
Over and
Over again
Too tough
Can't focus
Can't think
Can't dream
Who AM
I NOW
Don't recognize
This face
Today, anymore
Two words
Each thought
Linear equations
Connect dots
Connect thoughts
Connect me
To something
Pretty please
Feels like
Stabbing wounds
Can't breathe
Can't think
Never stops
Over and
Over again
Same choices
Dumb, stupid
Why why
Why did...
Can't believe
Can't think
Don't wanna
Don't wanna
Think anymore
Just sleep
Just cry
Just die
Quietly, softly.
Forever, forever
Never stops.
Never wake,
Just sleep
Just cry
Today, always.

My father, whose love exudes
From his mouth flows words of encouragement,
Songs full of depth, and lighted hearted laughter.

My father, blessed and wise beyond your years,
Knowing and guiding me through trials and adversities,
Passing along advice and signs of approval.

My father, whose arms bring comfort and delight,
Whose chuckle brings relief in times of distress,
Whose courage and obedience brought goodness through endurance.

My father, living well and teaching well
An example to his peers
A stronghold for his family

My father.

In universal terms*;
                      a thousand lifetimes come & go
                      in the blink of an eye
                                            
                ­                            I overrated the importance of my existence
                                            and now I'm chasing leaves on the breeze.
                                                         ­         
                                                       ­           
                                                     ­             perhaps                    
         one day the breeze will fail
         and the leaves will sit willingly, still;
         hungry to be examined.
                                    
                  ­                  Only (I discover)
                             I was never chasing leaves
                                 Just lost in the wind.

The unknown, laughing

It glares at me-- stark, silent

Gripping me tightly

Me: Getting lost in total abandonment--
Abandonment of dignity and self-awareness
Lost in the praise I was singing unto You
The Enemy: Striking again, pummeling me to the ground
Whispering to me the lie
that I had been abandoned by You
Me: Unable to stand with my body,
But taking a stand in my heart, remembering Your eternal
GLORY and GOODNESS,
Your everlasting loving-kindness,
Your grace, mercy, and faithfulness.
Shouting my praise to you now,
With even more conviction than before, having a greater hope
Knowing I would be restored,
Knowing that I was surrounded by love
The Enemy: Running and hiding
From the boldness exuding from me in the name of Jesus
He was defeated
You: Smiling, delighted with Your daughter,
Your faithful servant
Whispering to me a promise--
"My love will never let you go, for I am the everlasting God"

Hope and joy are my allies,
As I battle and war my way through this life
The goal? The finish line?
We cannot see it, but it is glorious
It is magnificent and holy
Even now, I tremble at the thought.
We fight against evil, but remain in peace
Our hearts: perpetually warm and tender
For we are here in the name of love--
Not mere survival
I have chosen to fight my way through this world
alongside serenity, grace, patience, and trust
With whom I have made a pact,
A pact that has made us one with each other

They would never leave my side
Nor I theirs