Afraid for my thoughts to come out of my mouth,
cause then if I do it'll put the others in doubt.
Am I needy if every time I want I keep quiet,
because then all that'll ever follow me is silence.
I never owned a car radio but I have a love for music,
I've cut skin,
worked out
and banged my head to it.
It's been expressing my highs and lows all throughout my life,
but it's often failed to save me when reality takes its bite.
I ask a question,
and it's often answered in silence,
when has silence made any **** sense,
it's why people make riots.
Yesterday,
before I left for a trip at the end of the week,
I saw a ripped note from my sister saying that she hates me.
I couldn't quite get it because half of it was ripped somewhere else,
but if I found the other half it wouldn't make me more or less hate myself.
Is my presence here wrong? 
If so where can I belong?
How many people will remember me if I'm not gone.
I've heard "it's okay" but that only works for so long.
Quick distraction,
it only works back to back and simultaneous.
But keeping up the charade has proven just as dangerous.

Acting either fake or like no one else is more real,
so how's it true that anyone really cares how i feel.
Senselessness, right in my home's illogicality,
how am i suppose to make sense of this reality?
And all that is ever not working is their broken mentalities.
Everything that I've set my mind for has been firing back,
and an original solution is something others simply lack.
Why am I feeling so degenerated, 
it's because my senses are irritated:
hurts to feel,
all smells rotten,
and every taste of color has been intimately forgotten.
All I see is problems and everything I hear is cotton.
Maybe it's just time to find a new moral doctrine. 
Don't be scared,
the numb pain visits me every night,
just be sure to buckle your seats and hold on tight.
You've been on a ride going through my mind,
and this won't happen at just any time.
And especially now don't forget how are these words are mine.
I was left here,
morals and chance chose my path,
and if you'd say any different you would face my wrath.
It's dark here, 
and if no light shows no light reflects, 
coldness and hostility is all I can detect.
Don't let me rot here,
like all the others before you,
I hope by now this is a fine picture I drew.
I hate here,
I'm the points that I make and each rebuttal is a step you take.
And wherever you're walking I hope you have not begun
cause the chances of my following you are slim to none.

History,
Mystery,
I am talking epitome.
Rock bottm's for those who used to be feelin me,
but you know I haven't been workin that ****.
You all know I've been chuggin for this,
like a train I've been transporting coal for this.
Now really think you can punch back to my fist?
I am realer than this,
I won't that the diss. I catch it and throw it so precise to miss.
I'mma severe this, 
like a *******.
Cause I know that this pain will raise me to this,
and I'mma conquer it.
And I will be lovin it, ba dup ba ba.
I don't take promises.
Think that I'll make them and I'll be busting it.
Don't you know by now I see something and stick to it,
I'mma rip this restrict.
I am freedom by this,
and I care too much to be narcissist.
Just try and tell me to "slow down".
I've been working too long to know how.
Been working too much not to own this town.
And if I'm not the best, you know I keep it the realest,
and if you feel this, get on my level, my level of clearness.
Know I'm attracted to clarity,
smoky and dark rooms never worked for me.
And if you wonder if I'm giving my all,
know that I'm giving it my everything.

I know this is my fault, I can't look at it otherwise.
We all know I can be strong body-wise,
but is there strength in my mind to apologize?
And once I do what other path can I go on,
I've seen no other roads I can walk on.
Cause all I feel is been stomped on.
This game's looked impossible
and you know I have played on!
So where's my mental strength now?
It looks like it's on the ground,
where do I build it up?
Nobody seems to wanna teach me how.
Can I ever build myself up to where it would hold,
or am I forever destined to be left in the cold, lonely soul?
Who's to say the cause, I just do not know.
The only thing that's been built are these feelings inside,
stuck in my mind,
trying to climb,
and explode up like a triggered mine.