An outstretched hand
And all I felt was cold inside…

Too many yesterdays
Leaves all my tomorrows just a day away …

Sunshine warms my skin
But my heart is so cold
It doesn’t trust
The padlock is too large
And the key is lost …

Love that is blind causes unspoken pain
Love that is soft
Becomes like rain
Love that is broken
Thats it!
It’s broken
just broken
There’s no more here to say …

Funny how life takes you to places
Where people write upon your soul
* They show you themselves in colours so true
Then stamp their feet like toddlers out of control


*In valleys so deep I found my heart
He stood there arms wide open
He had been waiting such a long time
And yet never faltered in his understanding
I so love him for that

Lover of the night and sleeper of the day
Hawks fly better when chased by eagles I've heard  
Fear cripples the soul
Fear encompasses all that we are
Leaving us bare

*Beauty of all
Thankfulness of all
greatness is created at the feet of masters long past
And yet as poets we glow
We grow
We understand and we carry our souls with pride

I don’t know this place anymore
The faces aren’t  here
The souls don’t linger just a moment
Conversations are void from the blank frameless canvas on my screen

JP caught the last train out
I was told he waved a silent goodbye
To the nobodies standing on the station

Eileen and Chris with their beautiful words
Fell apart and drifted away from us all
The winds of change taking them to the most remote places.
Eileen is dancing with the pixies and making wishes on stars
Chris not so

Gabrielle beautiful girl
Head so strong and wiser than her years
Has her head in a book or a family to raise or a degree in wisdom for all of her days

Paddy
Now paddy can be found down by the stream
Anyone who knew him
Will know what I mean
The fishes are high and the summer is long
But from this place your spirit has gone

Bathsheda
She ran
(And I mean ran real fast)
To the hills
where she runs free
Screaming obscenities
At anyone who might pass
A doff of the hat
A piece of that cake
A moment of connection
Make no mistake
A women of word
Who won’t take your fooling
But for that chocolate cake she would be drooling

Lily oh lily
Oh lily my love
I think you were sent from heaven above
You warm my heart still
But your not of this place
And it’s never here I glimpse your face

Gonzo
My friend
With a smile that hides the reality of a man
Your darkness I love
Your sorrow I weep
But away from here
The burden was too steep

Richard
Now what can I say
You just got up
Left the front door open with no poetic note to say good bye
We yearned
We missed
We adapted
Then we all left
The glue had gone

Helen
Let’s open a bottle and drown all our tears
Well we could
But your not even here

Knowing that soon
We will be one
Within the breath
Which we call life
A connection tied
A moment promised
Summer will see our love
The scent
Upon your skin
Reminds me
Oh how I longed to be
Once more held captive lookking into
The mirror
Looking into self
You see
The dust has gone
The fire of damnation has subsided
Into a nothigness
So complete
I trust in all that love is
I move around you
Encircling
Moving forward within
And to you
Treasures are glittering
In moments yet to be lived

Life is perfect when you are allowed to think outside the box
To tell the honest truth
I'm not sure I've ever dwelled within that box
The walls can't cage me
The barriers they give me a goal
Something to reach past
Why would you encapsulate your imagination
When it can be freely flying
Loop da loops in the shining blue sky

I like writting dark blood curdling poems
Thing is
Big problem
I'm just a little too happy right now

It feels quite numb
An incomplete moment
A recollection of a breath upon my skin
Makes me smile
As still the tears are rolling down my cheeks
Hold on fast to the dream that flows from desires
That stem from hearts
Misted only by ivory towers
Feeling numb
Has become
My new way of handling tomorrow
The only way in which
I've learnt to hold up my head
And smile at the sun
Which often times
Threatens to scorched my very existence

I held the glass
Lipstick stained
Thoughts running wild
fragmented moments
and faces in mirrors
We will never be the same now
Years have passed us by
Friends are no longer here
To warm our nights
When I wonder
Did reality take over?
We may never know
So tomorrow when you look into the mirror
Remember
And look beyond your shadow
We are still standing like ghosts
Holding the part of you
You couldnt hold onto ....

It’s long past midnight
The wind howls around the feet of trees
that stand tall, but bend awkwardly
Into positions they were never fashioned  to reach
the rain starts slowly but increasingly patters like small footprints upon my window pane.
Smoothing and unnerving all rolled into one strange moment of sleeplessness
Insomnia beckons for company
I gave in what can I say I’ll sleep through breakfast now so no harm done
And anyhow I am my own master
So do as I please
And now I wandered here
If your listening I’ll never know
I don’t care for strange relationships across blank screens anymore
I don’t slow my breathing down to accommodate yours
I don’t talk for hours
Delving deep yet dusted with a surface shallowness I could never recognise before
Eyes open
Heart closed
That’s the way to survive I guess

She hangs the memories of what could of been back on the crooked shelf
Once a silence reigned where now the roaring of lions frequents her moments
To have to hold to free to let go to live to die to just be one self in a chaotic stage play
Hold her hand a while
Trace the veins which feed her soul , mind and body
She is not perfect
But somehow close for all her faults
You should of took it further
She would of held you for a life time
Fear is placed where humans dare not tread
Your  eyes swim with confusion
She can smooth the waters if only you could slow down
She has the music of mermaids and the power of the shaman
You let that go at the dark hour when you stopped and forgot to breathe
She held you there
Then you turned and walked away
Head held low as you fell in love with others who only brought you to your knees
Years passing
lovers come and go
She holds a small corner
Not in wanting but in yearning for
Not in yearning but in a knowingness
Once she loves she never forgets the taste upon her tongue
Pass by
Walk on
Head low
No more tears fall from these eyes
Love is gone
Now all there is a selfless understanding of belonging to one self
Connections blocked

Crystals falling
Hues forming
As light reflects on broken windows
Derelict houses
Empty
Lost for words
Naked
The fool may fall to his feet
Face in dirt
Or he may rise higher
Knowing
The air is freasher
And there really is a crock of gold
For the taking
All he needs to do is look within
Once he finds his truth
Breathing will once more
Be something that comes naturally

Today my head is tierd
My body is aching
But my heart is happy
And my soul at peace

If it will be the same
This time tomorrow
Depends on wether I can bounce
Other people's arrogance
And egos
Away from my skin
Words burn
Feelings echo
Long after
A situation has past

Quietened moments
  Recollections of time past
Indulging within
Meditative indifference

Do not slay your dragons on my doorstep then make love to them just above the gaze of heavens gates.
Do not surrender your fears and then shackle them to yourself as if your life depended upon it.
I am no fool to any man.
I laid down my heart
You cut me with your sword and my shield will protect me from your hastening attentions.
Maybe I am not broken enough to see through your gaze.
But the silence that hangs on the breeze speaks truths.
And it is only truths my ears will dwell upon.
Sweet words mean nothing if in secret you cast them to the dirt below your feet .
The darkness just merged my mind and heart together spitting violent words into a fierce furnace of powerful rage.
Love those you love.
Standing tall in your need for reflection for reflection has purpose.
Speak kindly in secret as in company it is there that you will gain the greatest rewards.

Chalk white on skin so translucent that scars are no longer hidden
Painted emotions
Old out warn brain washed excuses
How hard are you on the inside
Whilst out here the world crumbles before your eyes  
Hold tight to the smile from a distant memory
For memories are golden
Some we retrace time and time again
Willing ourselves to relive , relearn
Fate has played an ace
You stand or fall
But even death can not **** your soul and the spirit it holds
Brother come sit with me
Journey as if a child and remember who you are and where you belong
Shake your self free from preconceived notions and tattered ideas
Freedom comes when pain subsides and you stand naked
Naked in all understanding
Ready to remember
I put my hand upon your heart and promise that I know for sure
You can never let yourself down
Learn that you are all and all is you

When the numbness subsides
What then?

When the breath
Feels stale in my lungs
And my heart is heavy
Will you …

Tracing my fingertips
Slowly across the keyboard
Trying to awaken the dreams in words that I used to ache for
Slowly realising that it all lies beneath the skin waiting to surface

Turning on the green light inside my head
Maybe I still am able to light the horizon with feelings

That lay at the base of my soul
It is comforting to know I never really left home after all.

Some nights are so dark
That I can not see myself
I can not feel
I know I’m loved
But don’t know why the void inside my chest is expanding like a black hole
Life gets ****** in and through but nothing stays
There is no light
No stars to hang above my bed
In dream time I feel as though I’m falling
Another man would give in,
but I am not that man and the darkness laughs at my inability to see through this moment.
This moment and the next
This day drags and now I get no solace in sleep
For my mind is reeling
My synapses charging
My thoughts are racing
Yet I cry my tears then shrug it off again
My darkness matters to no one
No one sees me
No one hears me
I am and I feel so small
A mere particle of dust
An atom amongst atoms
I must come to realise that this silence is of my own creating
I must want this
I must need this
For the healing happens when we are stretched
When we are torn
I am opening my heart
And that’s painful
And lonely at times.

Sore head
Crumpled sheets
The moments before the mind kicks in
The morning after and she turns suddenly
Reaching for her phone
Drunken messages sent after midnight
After downing two bottles of the best red
Oh how cruel can we be to ourselves
Tears fall
There were no words in reply
She was no more to him
How someone could love so powerfully
Then fall away silently
Was something she neither understood nor accepted
She is moving through her grief and turns holding onto memories
Before they too crumble away
Leaving her void of emotion until another foolish Wimb beckons her
She inspects her own fury which is building up in her heart
How dare he wring her out like some used up dish cloth
She pulls her body up heavily
There's nothing that coffee won't fix
Or at least this is what she will tell her frazzled mind
It's going to be a long hungover day
The sun is shining outside
She will curl up and wait for a reply
Always waiting
She holds back
Acceptance and denial all in one breathe

When we feel safe so walk unprotected
When the spears of unnecessary anger  
and raised voices
hit you hard and grip you tight

A memory of a feeling
you vowed to your soul that you would hold up your hands
and protect its very essence
you feel you  failed and now you feel the anger, the tears and frustration  
which in reality no long belong here

A message from my soul ...

Mirror mirror on the  wall
deflect this anger from my door
uncuff your psychic chains from me
take back what my heart did feel
in reality this is not mine
but some others to chew up and grind
I free myself from the binds of others  
I spit them out
but not in anger

Maybe tomorrow your remember who I am
I remember when
We made daisy chains in summer
And watched the sun rise and fall
Your smile broke me apart but
Your touch put me back together again
Wild dreams of spending a life much loved
Something which I've never managed to find
As I look around at others
I desperately want someone to call my own
Who will there be to build ice castles in the sky with me
Who will run wildly in lusious green meadows
Holding on so tight but feeling freedom in a whisper of love
Some days I think maybe this kind of love has passed me by
But you look around and most people have someone
Or so it seems
The lost souls wonder with a transparency so fine that they
Go unnoticed
Even I don't see
Maybe if the wanderers could see through each other facades
They would find a treasure
That glistens in the heart as well as in the eyes that shine hope
Maybe tomorrow I will walk with my eyes open and my heart free

Maybe I should never of tried to love
But it felt real
Even after I ******* myself over
and waited for you to stumble back
But I did try
I gave you as much as you would take
But looking back I think you
Just wanted moments
Moments of love
Moments of happiness
Moments of me
There's the problems
I wanted more than moments
You said I was your lover
But you fitted me nicely inside your box
Neatly putting me away when your desire for me
Was not alight
You told me I was your best friend
And yes sometimes you were mine too
But only if it fitted in
I should be able to call you at three in the morning if I need to
But I never would have even if I was hurting or scared
Its been fun but
I wanted a partner
I wanted more
Now I don't want that with you because I know you haven't got it to give
I should have know the first time
We cant be friends
It just doesn't work like that
I'm so sorry
This time I guess it really is good bye
I would of texed this to you but I think it safer
this way
The words I left unsaid
Because you didn't seem to hear me or see me anyway
But I did love you and it does hurt
You just didn't really see me

Enough now

Enough