Courage.
The courage to fight, speak, smile.
The courage to become.
The courage to walk away.
The courage to forget.

And the courage to begin again.

Bend and stretch and lift and turn.
Bend and stretch and lift and turn.
Eyes to the front, chin up, don't frown.
Bend and stretch and lift and turn.
Stay in line, that's it. Keep to the beat.
One and two and three and four.
Bend and stretch and lift and turn.

Cold.
Not the chill down my arm
but the one down my spine
at the sight of decadence
at the show of extravagance
at the display cases with
carats and watches
plastic women wearing
someone's house in fur
and silk and adornments
covering their arms like a
Christmas tree gone awry
with its baubles and lights
bringing neither peace nor goodwill
to their men who foot the bills
after a night spent with slots and
levers and cards and mysterious
figures that disappear into lifts
that reach infinite heights before
plunging into clear, crystal waters
that sound like diamonds and the
view you see makes them say
'Oh it's beautiful' but
the waters are shallow.
A beautiful mirage.

Still too cold for me to sell my soul.

Today I decided to make a dress.
I'd seen others do it.
Figured I'd give it a try.
So I laced Predictability on neatly
And hemmed the Defensiveness in tight.
Stitched up the Strength, the Sarcasm and
The Empty Stare in a nice, perfect line
With pearly white Laughs to match.
Then I ironed it with puffs of Indifference,
And hung it up to admire.
It was nice.
Decent.
Normal.
Okay.

I put my dress on and walked out into the world.
I smiled at all the right places and frowned to the silent beat.
And then when I got home I took it off and cried.

I cannot keep these careful circles
Wet cheeks and sheets of scrawls
He loves me, he loves me not
Roses diminished for your apathy.

Take this curtsy, like you did my bones
From hand to hand, now dust to dust.
Our last melody, this simple swan song
Forget the lot and I'll remember you not.

I'm having what I call an avalanche tonight.
When it all comes tumbling down
And engulfing me till I can't breathe
I don't even know what's come over me.
Or when it began
Or who caused it.

But I know that I would gladly climb back up
to the top of this mountain
and experience it
all over
again.

If it meant that I would feel this exhilaration
This joy this pain this woe this ache this high
This love.

All over again.

I'm having what I call an avalanche tonight.

Tiny steps to solid strides
We wonder why we wander
Everglades that consume the fire
Never waking from my slumber
Twins that vanish from my mind
Youth that ticked at a rate most unkind
Once upon a May I say so
Nothing is
Ever in two neat rows

I followed a man down a dark road
That twists into a mute galaxy.
And all that follows is Silence.
But the Silent inherit the stars
In a quiet struggle of wills
While the lines on the clouds
Fade into the withered sky.

And all that follows is
An anonymous cry.

Cradle me into a painless sleep/Let's drift back to the road we were on/I want to hear our voices the way they were before/weaved together in perfect harmony/Those summer nights that melted into one/endless toast to freedom, love and spontaneity/Hand in hand and heart to heart we are not afraid/to open our eyes again to the dark/to the consuming hurt that breathes time and loneliness/Forcing what is wrong/for far too long/Let's wake up and dream one last time/And this time I'll hold my breath/and you'll hold me/

I think I understand what it means
to be 'heavy-hearted' now.
It's when gravity is the strongest
at the core of your heart,
and it forces you lower,
and lower down until you forget
what it feels like
to be standing up in the first place.

Nobody cares about the leaves
Nobody cares about the falling leaves
The fallen leaves.
Nobody notices their intricate ballet
The way they twirl and float
Pirouetting down in a delicate spiral
Resting momentarily on the earth
Until a higher calling shoots them up again
The stronger the storm the higher they fly

Nobody cares about the leaves
Nobody cares about the browning leaves
The lifeless leaves.
Nobody notices their steady transformation
The way they live and die
Draining themselves of colour and vitality
As they gift us their lives, for ours
Tiny miracles of time encapsulated
Into a carefully crafted masterpiece

That nobody seems to care about.

Nobody cares about the leaves
Nobody cares about their pretty little lives
Nobody cares about their pretty little deaths
Their petty little lives, their petty little deaths.
No. Body. cares.

I saw a boy today
In hand-me-down clothes
that were 2 sizes too big.
His ear pressed up against
the receiver of a very
much obsolete payphone.
******* his coin and
humming to himself
lost in an alternate universe.
I spy his tattered bag with a
hospital name branded on.
Something strikes my heart
and I stop walking
for all but two seconds.
Then I recover and walk back
into the smooth, blank walls
of an indifferent society.

Edging to your side
Night falls and I am whirling
Again this feeling

Maybe I’ll forget
One careful twirl at a time
Undo this aching.

Revisiting you
Explaining to my senses
Dancing, I alone.

Billowing in the breeze
They swirl around her like
Scarlet wisps of smoke
She grips them forcefully
And turns and turns.
Turning Turning
Turning.
Faster
Faster Faster.
Her eyes bear straight
Wide and hollow
They cannot mask her fear.
Turning Turning
Turning.
Round and Round
and Round.
Everything becomes a flicker to her.
And she becomes a flicker to everything.
Flicker Flicker
Flicker.

And then the smell of iron.
A cry of pain.
A burnt-out candle.

The stars line my corridor
But I wave them off into oblivion
Like your name writhing on my tongue
They are made to be forgotten.

We were but are no longer
Fingers laced, the past erased.
The moon cries out at its own rebirth
My eyes refuse to see your worth.

So come let us weep and part
You can learn to mend your twice-broken heart.

Imagine a road.
That led to anywhere you wanted it to lead to. Anywhere.
Even to a place from storybooks and make-belief.
Even to a place you made inside your head.

Now imagine a person.
Walking down that road.
Or running. Or flying. Or zig-zagging up and down in vague caterpillar-like motions.
But there's a person. And there's a road.
And the road leads to someplace else.
And Someplace Else is far away.
And Far Away is where you need to be.

Through your eyes
I see the way you see
The little joys that make you smile
The bits of sadness that get you down

Through your eyes
The world is reinvented
Wonders rediscovered
Love unattempted

Through your eyes
I see her.
A vision of perfection
Far beyond comparison

And if I saw

Through your eyes

I’d see myself-forever
Second best.

Roses are red
Violets aren't blue
This is a Valentine's
Poem for you

Your subtle smiles
Your sound advice
I can't find anything
To say about your eyes

Your love for books
Your fondness for novelty
At the top of my mind
Is your streak of spontaneity

How you know when to speak
How you shamelessly stare
How like the wandering wind
You're neither here nor there

I like your propriety
And your occasional cheek
Not to mention my dear
You're just as much of a geek

The way you cheer
At the scoring a goal
The way you cheer
At the end of a play
The fact that both cheers
Are cheered the same way

How your fingers dance
Upon any sturdy surface
How you predict the song
That's been left in my head
How when I look at you
"All the world drops dead".

This one is for him
who does not yet exist
I wonder if you realised
This was a sly sort of list

If the poem fits
Then what more can I say
But my love, my light
Happy Valentine's Day.

First petal.
Browning and creased
Flawed, to say the least.
A victim of time.
Plainly visible for all.
To admire.
To abhor.

Second petal.
Smoother, whiter.
With a hint of warmth.
My lingering touch
Soundlessly penetrates
Your faceless mask.
I left my mark.

Third petal.
Perfectly encrypted
From everyone but me.
Every line traceable
Every blemish shown
Every part of you
Known.

Last petal.*
Purest, untainted
You guarded it to your best.
But like the rest,
It withers, and is soon just a fragment
Of what once was
and what will never be.

I am losing minutes by the minute.
The numbers fade into dust and
The world goes marching on as
Sun and moon blurring to one.
The light bleeds through to
My silenced eyes when
I close them and try
To pretend that
I still want to
Breathe-
I still want to,
To pretend that.
I close them and try
My silenced eyes when
The light bleeds through to
Sun and moon blurring to one.
The world goes marching on as
The numbers fade into dust and
I am losing minutes by the minute.

And there she crawls,
clawing the surface
trying to hold on to the dry roots
that twist around her bare wrists but
the more she clings on the more
they crumble in her hands.
She has lost her way her
direction her calling her
North Star.

Don't wait up.
I'm not coming home.

Madly we keep spinning
Blurring turning burning
You reflect me
and he'll reflect she
We'll regret some
forget the rest
Mimic and repeat a loop of
our misshapen scars
Perfect symmetry
A careful harmony
Till we exist only as we.
And our circle mirror transformation come to be.

In all propriety and sobriety
We nod our heads and shake hands
In a secret exchange of vows
That holds its place amongst
The whisperings of the willows
The depths of our disaster.
We've signed our names with
Small glances and quiet words
That pierce the night with their
Careful intentions and unimplied connections
Nobody wants to be the first to concede.
Nobody wants to take the first leap.

I shouldn't have cried this hard but I did.
I shouldn't have kept this quiet but I did.
It shouldn't have hurt this much but it does.
I should've been stronger but I'm not.

We are not the careful one
With the neat plait down her back.
We are not the pleasant one
With the honeyed words and smile.
We are not the brazen one
With the fearless gaze and spirit.
We are but rebels, the wanderers at heart.
With the lights in our eyes all aflame.

Let's play pretend, for just half a second:
I'll unbelieve all the lies I promised myself.
And I'll tuck away all the loose odds and ends
To convince my flailing heart we never existed.


Because maybe we never existed.

I have built a statue
A monument for old.
Your name engraved by hand
In bold, in brazen gold.

I have named a building
After the way you say 'We're free'.
With a plaque to tell the whole wide world
The life you've painted for me.

I have paved a winding road
And branded it for two.
With slopes and loops and bridges to the sky
I hope it leads me back to you.

I have created a universe that never was
In honour of you and me.
Uncharted, unmarked, it's up in my head.
Only for us to see.

Let’s move mountains.
Climb, conquer, repeat
Root our flags in the insurmountable
Dream of the next new peak

Let’s move lives.
Love until we bleed
Give what we can and perhaps a little more
Not in word but too in deed

Let’s move hearts.
Stir souls into reacting
One can move but many can create
We are merely at the beginning

Let’s run let’s leap let’s fly let’s soar
Let’s dash through every open door
We don’t have anything to prove
But we’ll be a generation that moves.

I'm boiling.
The littlest things flick the switch.
Impatience coursing through my veins,
welting like little bitter bullets
sent straight to the heart. I
swallow them whole
in an awkward embrace.
Mask the fury, the white anger.
The rod is in the trunk of the car.

The mere sight of you
And the bits and pieces of our broken dreams
Are washed ashore. Hollow, empty.
Come in with the waves.

The mere thought of you
And the faded memories that were once lost,
Hatred smeared on the sides, resurface.
Tarnished, incomplete.

The mere mention of you
And my face is irreversibly
Transformed. Unreadable.
Devoid of all emotion                                                                                                                                                                                    

The mere bit of love from you
And every part of me rips,
Disintegrating into unrecognisable
Ghosts of the past

Make it a little easier for me tonight
Wipe the stars and revisit the lights
Cool the waters and memorise the sunset
As the blades strike their grand finale
We will rock fearlessly on the waves
Like a ship sailing home - - -
To the shore of sacred solitude
Amidst the showers and breezes
Pretending to battle hurricanes and horsemen
While the amber speckles will intercede
Fixing the blemishes on our skin and
Draining the parts in our hearts that hurt
So we don't have to feel each other anymore.

I think I dreamt you up before.

There's a greyness in the air and
I'm finding it hard to breathe
Tendrils sliding across my bare neck
Tantalising and teasing they
Caress me into a lull of
Heavy lids and heavy hearts
Laid down before the blank canvas
So I try to paint a window and
Dream myself into someone else's
Story but the pages keep turning and
Turning and turning and turning and
I can only try to catch shards of glass
As they fly through my outstretched fingers
They say there is comfort in pain
Or so says the scarlet dripping down my
Arms but there is no time to stop trying
There is no time to start crying
There's only time to fight the pull of
Everything that comes out in the dark
But I can't help but remember that
There's only time.

I am acid
Running down your back
Seeping into your ears, your heart
Down your veins.
I stand in wait
Till your bones corrode
Till your breath staggers
Till your eyes close.

My warm breath pierces the cold air
As I blow longing into a you
Who's not really there.

One-

I've forgotten to say hello the way normal people do.

Two-

I have forbidden your eyes.

Three-

Your stream of words flow over my head.

Four-

And into my soul.

Five-

Then up to the sky.

Six-

We hold the world in our musings.

Seven-

Paint the future in our songs.

Eight-

We fly.

Nine-

Soar.

Ten-

Pretend the sun isn't setting.

Ready or not, here I -

It is found not in the subtle petals of new.
Nor in the light rain on sullied earth.
Not in the frost that scurries across the window
But in the rust-coloured grounds of October.

In the fall, in the fall
In the freshly browned leaves
In the warm cup of tea
In the shiver down my spine
In the last few days of sun
In the ice that fills your lungs
In the end ever encroaching
In the time ever slipping

That's where love-

Left/Right/Wrong/Right
Fluttering in the empty wind
A helpless shred of heart
About to be whisked away for good.

Trying to bend my limbs into
Four corners because I must.
All they will see is a perfect box.
All they will see is nothing.

How do I love you?
Let me count the ways:
-
-

They see us, I look away.
The clock strikes 12, I walk away.
A constant battle between the realms
Of reality and happily ever after.
This isn't love, it's another kind of torture.

Maybe in another universe.

Or perhaps not even then.

Oh you don't even know
You've got a hold on me
Fingertips tracing the lines
on my neck like raindrops
Cooling the afternoon wave
And we both know that
love this is not but still
our hearts they hum and
remind us that they are.
We are nothing and yet we are
Everything.

Oh but you don't even know.

He kissed me.
And I never looked away.
He loved me.
And I never looked back.
He left me.
And I never looked at another.

It's almost time again
to draw up resolutions,
vow to be a better __
cross our fingers for a good,
happy,
new,
year.

I am the silence after three doors slamming
I am the shy moon slipping in the light
I am a wet leaf on a sleepy morning
I am jumping jelly, shivering in my skin
I am a chase on a lonely highway
I am a crisp, green apple, tossed in the air
I am dawn's glow, breaking from the shadows
I am a whisper, escaping from their lips

I am your wildest dream, ready to begin.

Another year encroaches on the
determinedly faded memories
Reminding me of everything in vain.
In vain vanity I remember how
curved my smile goes, rounded
just right when my name rests on
your lips and I lose all resolve
Easy laughter and words in twos
A familiar tugging and a comforting glow
Harder to resist and yet to rue
I seek a lost love already known
But oh I cannot locate my heart.

Old habits die indefinitely hard.

Tiptoe 'round the corner and she
Imagines your hand in hers
As you climb over the rolling hills
And sunlit Tuesdays with a
Smile in her soft eyes as
Your warm ones capture
Everything about her that
Cannot be defined while she
Loses her way finding what
You don't let even the moonlight
Touch.