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Holly Sep 2015
So angry
The feeling of betrayal
Suffocating my senses
A thousand attempts
Is a thousand failures
Only expect everything less
Hope
A distant aspiration
Darkness
A promising relaxation
Muffled screams
And stifled cries
Never wish hello
Always curse goodbyes
This feeling in my chest
Is no longer just a feeling
Born in the darkness
Nursed by the pain
Raised by the injustice
It courses through my veins
And pollutes every thought
And murders every dream
No mercy for the innocent
No care for the naive
Pure worship for the ignorant
Sacrifices of the soul
Piece by chunk, its chipped away
My hearts no longer whole
Don't try and tell me its okay
Cause you'll be lying to my face
All hopes and dreams
All laughs and smiles
Have all been washed away.
No love, no loss
No hope, no tears
Plain and simple, you see
No tries, no fails
No lies, no tales...
Still alive, but barely breathing
Holly Feb 2016
A feeling of worry,
Nervousness,
Or unease,
Typically about an
Imminent event or
Something with an
Uncertain outcome.
Holly Feb 2015
A
Drop
Of rain is
Like a sudden
Knock at the door.
Unexpected, yet often
Welcomed with a smile, it
Can brighten your day or ruin
Your plans. It can make you laugh
Or make you sad. Whether the raindrop
Is moving fast or slow, or is big or small,
It always gets everyone's attention. A rain-
Drop contains many secrets.  It is a bubble of
Anticipation and surprise. It cleanses the earth,
It feeds the flowers, And fills the holes. The  
Raindrop is never silent, it bangs on the
Roof, Spatters on the windows or,
Splashes into a puddle.
A Raindrop.
Holly Mar 2015
You are
                    Beautiful,
In a very subtle
way.
Your eyes shine,
Like they could
Make my day.
I  am
        enchanted
By you.
Who is courted
By few.

You are
                    Unconventionally
Beautiful.
Holly Jan 2015
I have 2 best friends.
Ones name is Haliea.
She is one of the most amazing friends!
She is beautiful. (Even though  she denies it.)
She is shy. sometimes.... hah
Shes a little insecure.
(I'm trying to help her stop being insecure.)

The other ones name is Tierane.
Shes amazing, funny, and beautiful!
She is a amazing friend!
She is NEVER shy. haha

And they are ALWAYS gonna be in one spot.

MY BEST FRIENDS!
Holly Feb 2016
Having or relating to two poles or extremities

Characterized by both manic and depressive episodes, or manic ones only.
Holly Feb 2015
And yes,
I will keep blaming myself.
Cause why would anyone
Want to be with someone
As ****** up as
Me.
Holly Jun 2015
I often carry
On so much
Anger and sadness
That when something
Small goes wrong.
I break, and it
Makes people
Think i'm crazy.
But you know whats
Even more crazy?
Caring on all that
Without knowing
Which or who's
Direction to aim it at.
Holly Jan 2015
I walk through these halls, I take note of it all.
I notice the tans, the fads and even those designer bags.
I hear the names being called, I notice the lies.
I feel the heavy atmosphere full of rumors and hidden lives.

I sit in the corner, the last desk of the row.
like a black and white picture fading away.
the point, the stare, their laughter fills the air.
no sleeves to hide what I've done, only a painted veil.

I remember that night, the night they all laugh about.
if only they were there, if only they knew, what this game could do to you.

the screams were loud, my door was locked, the bruise was bold.
the steel was cold, my skin was warm, the room was dark, my tears were not shown.
I fell to my knees, I looked to the sky, I at least tried to cry.
the crimson river was like a rush, and then I saw the ocean that flowed.
I cut too deep, but I didn't care. anything to not be here.
I felt like air, I fell to the ground, and then I couldn't hear a sound.

I next woke up in a hospital bed, my mother was crying.
my father beside me. they told me they loved me, they kissed and hugged me.
they showed me they loved me, they actually care.
and they took me away from there, to Pennsylvania.

a few years later, I sit here, writing this poem, remembering that year.
I'm different now, I have many friends, I have a true love, I have my own life.
sadness is gone, the anger has vanished, and now I no longer cut for satisfaction.
I beat the addiction, I feel so much stronger.
but I keep these scars as a reminder.
what breaks me, makes me.
Holly Mar 2015
I drew a butterfly on my wrist,
In hope that this feeling would no longer persist.
But things got bad and i started to cry
So the butterfly on my wrist, It had to die.
Once again i tried to set myself free,
But it seemed my thoughts had stolen the key.
So  this butterfly lived a very short life.
Killed with fear and a very sharpe knife...
Holly Mar 2015
There is a girl that everyone knows
Beautiful grin, no worries or woes
Laugh is one you'll never forget
She's living in her past debt
She hates her body, says she is fat
She shouldn't hate herself, but doesn't know that
She's the girl with the biggest smile
Nobody knows she forces up bile
Feels worthless, ugly, abandoned, wasted
No one knows the tears she has tasted
Cries herself to sleep at night
But smiles again once it is bright
She pulls the blade across her skin
Takes comfort in the pain she's in
She loves the sight of her own blood
She wants to see the beautiful flood
She once said she wished she was dead
She meant it, wasn't just in her head
This is the girl that nobody knows
Inside her walls she's forever enclosed
I love you!!!!!!!!!!
Holly Mar 2015
Rain, rain, go away,
Because of you the pain will stay.
Slit my throat, cut out my heart,
Leave me here, tear it apart.

Poison tears stream down my face,
My heart beats at a steady pace
As I try to stand again;
Alone and standing in the rain.

I don't need you anymore...
Is what I think while tears pour.
I hate you like I hate my life;
But love is what cuts like a knife.

Love is death and death is you;
Its pain stains like a black tattoo.
Those memories come back again
And bind me in the ropes of pain.

Crimson blood streams down my head
Like a long, silk ribbon, tied by a thread,
To a platinum bullet, a hole in my skull...

...Now just a memory that's faded and dull.
Holly Feb 2015
Cuts heal,
The memories stay,
Scars fade,
But i'm not okay.
Holly Mar 2015
One cut,
Two cuts,
Three cuts,
Four.
Come on darling, Whats one more?

Five cuts,
Six cuts,
Seven cuts,
Eight.
What a mess this will create.
Holly Mar 2015
Go to sleep, Close your eyes,
Dream of broken butterflies
That tore their wing against a thorne.
You know the pain that  they have borne.

Silver medal, shines so bright
Scarlette blood, that feels so right.
Dream of that blood trickling down,
And wake up just before you drown.

The moonlights shining off your tears,
As you bleed your own worst fears,
So tonight when you start to cry,
Whisper the cutters lullaby.

Hushabye baby, your almost dead.
You dont have a pulse and your pillow is red.
Your family hates you, your friends let you bleed.
Sleep tight with a knife because thats all you need.

Rockabye baby, broken and scarred,
You didnt know that  life would be this hard.
Time to end the pain you hid so well,
And down will come baby, straight back to hell.
Not written by me!
Holly Mar 2015
Love begins with a Smile,
Grows with a Kiss,
And ends with a Teardrop.
:D
Holly Feb 2015
:D
The truth?
I like you, A lot.
You make me happy,
You make me laugh,
Your smart,
Your different,
Your a little crazy,
And awkward,
And your smile alone can make my day. <3
Holly Jan 2015
Hidden behind theses eyes
Is a broken girl.
Shes lost and deeply hurt,
She wants to find the one
To save her.
But no one could risk this battle.
You may not notice.
But this girl is
dead.
Holly Feb 2015
A sting in the heart, a lump in the throat,
It's a silent night as your gaze misses mine.
Shoulders hunched, head hung, a tear held back and a bitten lip. Say Anything I plea.
Pillows damp with tears, stomach full of fears.
Anything to get back those wonderful years.
One last straw to forget your flaw, it's too late as the curtains draw.
Moving on now,
Slow and steady. Looking back my heart is heavy.
Too many hits for one lifetime,
Unable to recover to be with one another.
Holly Mar 2015
Its like a noose around my
Neck that grows tighter
Everytime i try
To fight for my
Life.
Holly Feb 2016
Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Also called major depressive disorder or clinical depression, it affects how you feel, think and behave and can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems. You may have trouble doing normal day-to-day activities, and sometimes you may feel as if life isn't worth living.
Holly Mar 2015
Feelings i still have  yet to understand,
Fellings that made me feel good about myself,
The love i needed,
The love that felt so good,
But, was it love to you too?
I cant force you to love me,
Did i make you feel good about yourself?
Do you love me?
Is what we have love?
Did i give you the love you needed?
Holly Apr 2016
He only whispers i love you
As he slips his hands
Down the waistband
Of your pants
This is where you must
Understand the difference
Between want and need
You may want that boy
But you certainly
Don't need him.
Holly Jan 2015
Does the late  night chats?
You telling me you love me?
The kisses?
The jacket?
Me loving you?
My best friend being mad at me because of you?
Me getting a headache from the smoke smell on your jacket,
But its worth it right??
Does this all mean something?
-Hopefully.
Holly Feb 2015
If one day you woke up.
And i was gone,
Don't cry,  Don't grieve.
Don't write paragraphs about how much you  loved me.
Because,
When i was alone in my darkest hours,
You weren't the one that would stay up all night
And make sure i was alright.
Don't say i was a wonderful girl and  wonder
How people could be so cruel,
Because on some ways,
You were the reason i might've
Took my life that night.
Holly Mar 2015
It ***** always feeling like the
"Second choice"
But i am the sceond choice
For everything though.
Im the second choice for my friends,
My sister, my mother, my cousin, and
You too.
Even though you always tell me im not.
You should stop trying to make me feel
Better,
Because we both know your lying,
Im just going to need to face  the facts,
And accept it.
Holly Jan 2015
Fake smiles,
Fake laughs,
Fake heart,
Fake personality,
Fake human,
Fake me,
So yeah, Fake is me.
Holly Mar 2015
Falling in  love  is awfully simple,
But,
Falling out of love is Simply awful.
Holly Jan 2015
Falling in love
Is like jumping off
A really tall building,
Your brain tells you
Its not a good idea,
But your heart
Tells you,
You can fly.
Holly Jan 2015
Feelings Dont Die Easy,
Because We Keep Feeding Them With
Memories.
Holly Feb 2015
"Angels can't fly"
She whispered.
And jumped.
Holly Jan 2015
Friday is the day,
The day i cant stand to hear about,
Because if its true my life will be ruined,
I will have  to face the consequences when i'm WAY older,
Hopefully if its not true  i will be half normal.
Sadly.
I'm already suffering,
Why do i have to suffer more?
More than i already am?
More miserable.
#I #Hate #My #Life
Holly Feb 2015
She  knew,  the  day
You  broke  her  Heart,
That  love  was  either
The  greatest  joke
The  world  has  ever
Told  us,
Or,
The  greatsest  and*
Most  felt  *truth.
Holly Feb 2015
I wanna be the Girl
She Gives her hoodie
to wear && Cuddles up
Next to when it's Cold,
She'll be the one who
Comes up Behind me,
Wraps her arms around
my waist,  Catches me off
Guard && Whispers, "Your  *Beautiful
This is  how i want my relationship,
I'm pretty confident about this relationship i'm in.
But i hope she loves me :/
Holly Jan 2015
I saw you at church,
Your usual smoke smell,
As i walked over to give you a hug,
I saw that glance in your eye,
I saw you were hurt,
You need help,
I remember you told me you loved me,
I said it was to early,
I Felt really bad,
I still hurt inside,
I do actually love you,
I want you to  know that.
Holly Mar 2015
I don't think you see that gaze i give you.
I don't think you see me drool over you.
I don't think you see me stare into your beautiful eyes.
I don't think you see me stare at you cuts, scars.
I don't think you see me wanting to be you.
I don't think you see me wanting to love you.
I don't think you see me helpping you.
I don't think you see me dying over you.
Holly Jan 2015
As my tears began to fall,
I think of why i have to bawl,
I want to puke,
But i have to learn i am what i am,
I cant help that i'm this way,
People may not believe me,
But i don't know if it is yet true,
But i guess it shouldn't take the best of me anyway,
Even though i let it,
It still hurts to know i may have it,
I don't want anyone to know,
Even if  it starts show,
Even though some of my friends know,
I don't want to be treated different.
I don't want to be treated different.
I don't want to be treated different.
Holly Mar 2015
I'm not sure when it started, or why it is so strong.
On the outside I seem happy. No one thinks anything's wrong.
But on the inside I am dying, screaming for someone to see
That the happy smile and carefree laugh is not the real me.
I've never been happy, not that I can recall.
Between the world and myself I've built up a wall.
I don't know why I'm like this, it makes no sense to me.
I actually come from a very close and loving family.
But even they have no idea of the hell I endure.
They think I'm happy and normal; of this I am sure.
I can't take it much longer, I can't live like this!
I want to feel truly happy, that is my biggest wish.
I need help, but who will help me? Who could comprehend?
Is there anyone out there who can help bring this to an end?
Or am I simply trapped, a prisoner of despair?
Am I really all alone? Is there no hope for me out there?
I'm so lost, please help me! I can't do this alone!
I need someone in my corner, a friend to call my own.
Please help me.
Holly Jan 2016
I get laughed at,
I get ignored,
I often feel trapped,
and keep my thoughts stored.
People can be cruel and very mean,
but no matter what,
I follow my dreams

Life has waves,
I know that.
But I stand brave,
and just take the crap.
I may feel exhausted and totally creamed,
but no matter what,
I follow my dreams.

I know what I want,
and I won't stop trying.
Quitting? I can't,
for now I'm flying.
It's impossible, it seems,
but no matter what,
I follow my dreams...
Holly Mar 2015
A tear drops down her face
One bye one.
As she thinks about "Her"
While holding that gun.
Images cross her mind,
As she pictures good times.
She cant take it anymore.
So she shoots until she is on the
Floor.
Before she died she wrote a note.
She wanted to say...
I love you all,
But she also said how this is it,
I dont want to live.
I cant bare seeing her with someone else.
I want her but she cant tell.
She ends her note with,
"I love you"
Than leaves everyone without a clue.
She doesnt even know what,
She has done.
She just carries on,
Not knowing she is gone.
Its hard to understand. but this has to different girls in it.
Holly Jan 2015
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Does it make sense when i say.
"I Love You"
Holly Feb 2015
I love  you.  
No matter if your,
Lesbian,
Gay,
Transgender,
Pansexual,
Heterosexual,
Mentall­y Ill,
Physically Ill,
There are so many things i don't care. But it don't matter I Love you!
Bullies are stupid.
Your BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Holly Mar 2015
I love the way you hold me
I love the way you look at me
I love the way you kiss me
and the way you touch my body.
I love the sound of your voice
and the way you tell me you love me.
Holly Oct 2015
Imagine yourself
Alone in your head
You're hanging, dangling
From a silver thread

Empty, alone
With the monsters within
Internally screaming
You just want to give in

Now imagine that's you
Every day, every hour
Forever sinking
Like a wilting flower

You try to tell your dad
And you try to tell your mom
But they say you're being silly
You've just got to move on

Because teens don't know sorrow
Nor the hardships of life
They're just kids with imaginations
Just looking for attention, right?

You think that there's none
Who know how you feel
You're just so alone
But the feelings- they're real

Useless
Neglected
Forgotten
Distressed

Alone
Afraid
But mostly
Depressed

And you're friends
They go on
Like nothing has changed

"They must not care"
Your thoughts whisper
The lies in your brain

You can't escape it
Trapped in your own skin
You're ugly
You're hated
But you mask it with a grin

You hate what you feel
So instead you feel nothing
Your insides are numb
Your confidence crumbling

You look to other things
To stop the pain
Cutting, pills
But it gives you no gain

And the people around you
Shout abuse your way
"You're hurting yourself, stop it!"
That's all they ever say

No matter how you plead
That you're broken inside
They turn the other way
They run, they hide

They say you're just foolish
It's all in your head
What they don't know, is inside
You're already dead...
Holly Feb 2015
I'm tired of crying.
I'm tired of yelling.
I'm tired of being sad.
I'm tired of pretending.
I'm tired of being alone.
I'm tired of being angry.
I'm tired of feeling crazy.
I'm tired of feeling stuck.
I'm tired of needing help.
I'm tired of remembering.
I'm tired of missing things.
I'm tired of being different.
I'm tired of missing people.
I'm tired of feeling worthless.
I'm tired of feeling empty inside.
I'm tired of not being able to just let go.
I'm tired of wishing i could just start over.
I'm tired  of dreaming of a life i will never have.
But  Most  Of  All,  I'm  Just  Tired  Of  Being  **Tired
#exploding
Holly Jan 2015
For all the people that have loved me, or even cared,
I'm worthless...
I have a dramatic  life,
I fall in love with people i will never have.
I have lots of people that i don't know that hate me,
I have lots of stupid things about me.
I always have drama,  (most of the time i put myself in it.)
I'm so, worthless.
Holly Jan 2015
Is this how its gonna be?
I might have to live my life with something my Grandfather had.?
The Grandfather that i only met once.?
Is this how its gonna be?
Living my life with diabetes?
Holly Jan 2015
I wanted her to know I liked her

and maybe sometimes loved

so I gave her little wildflowers

the color of the dying sun

She was happy with the little signs

of my innocent affections

placing the flowers in her windows

and telling friends of my intentions

But one night I got too drunk

and I stumbled to her door

and led her in the blustery night

to a field of wildflowers on the shore

And when the sun rose on the coast

the field a burnt-orange blur

I told her I  planted them all

the first night that I kissed her
Holly Feb 2015
Your favorite hug,
Your favorite mall  date,
Your favorite night,
Your favorite cuddle,
Your favorite kiss,
Your favorite Girlfriend.
(:
Holly Apr 2016
"I never thought of them as lovers; they were
Poems ready to pitch themselves off the edge.
I was their sign to danger.
I was the last few sentences of a suicide note left on the counter on a Sunday morning.
I was an emergency siren screaming and no one noticed.
I was silent sugar sweet and no one could see they were using me to give themselves cavities.
I was simply the white lighter left in the pocket of a boy who never came home."
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