they tell me to unlove you,
but how, and when, and why?
for i know
love is love,
and love is not pain.

do i give up,
after all the stars I jumped over
and all the flowers
I cut the thorns off?

or do i stay
even the world says no
and my body says so?
When all my heart
and all my soul

still locked and chained
unto your soul?

*{j.j}

She can’t write.
like the tip of her pen is
imprisoned  just inches on that
white sheet drenched with nothingness.

She can’t write.
as if she began to freeze
when she is under
the line where it cuts the globe into half.

She can’t write.
like the words were nowhere near her,
and they ran faster and farther from her.

She can’t write.
as if her words was playing with her
a game of hide-and-seek, and she was it.

And still, she can’t force the words out
like note stuck in a rusty abandoned piano keys.
Restless, she remains hidden in words she can’t find.

Deep down I know this never works-

sometimes we need to to get a real good shot out into the void

before we gain control of what appears to have killed you a thousand times

we know that all these can hurt you and damage you permanently but

it doesn't stop you, you don’t stop you

and we begin to live like these stubborn creatures called humans

with a heart controlled by the mind or the other way around

we continue to feel even we feel bad things

we prefer that than nothing.

even you know you might not carry it, or handle it this time

you still hold on

to the one thing that made you feel alive once in your miserable life

deep down we both know i would be the one hurting

deep down we both know we would never work out

deep down we both know it was only i who felt in love

who fell in love

All this time, I kept a fair distance
to the things that might give much more
of what they call pain. Until
I learned, how to permanently
(or so I thought)
carve them onto a
hidden translucent white wall
reminding me that they're
always there, lurking.

Years have passed and I have gone mastered
the art of feeling nothing
(or pretending not to).

So, when you came along,
with all the glory of your humanity
and the realness of your skin
touching with mine,
(remember those things I've carved?)
they escaped like the wall had broken down
fallen down
the way I fell for you -
little by little, inch by inch
piece by piece,
me by me.

All those fears that I tried to run away from
were all stitched with your love
and I can't love you
if they're with you
but I still did. And I still will.

Even if it throws me to the oblivion
of my own sacrilegious fears,
when the ransom for all those pain
and hurt
and suffering I will get
is the infinite taste
and satisfaction of my desires
by your love.

*By your only love.

sometimes it scares me
that I have been too strong
that no one ever sees that it rains
on me even the sun
is striking at the sky.

the fear grows as
the years pass and no one dares
to know the real side of me
to transcend all my flaws
and to accept me
like a lost child.

and I continue to weep
for all the time that I am alone,
in this fight called life.
And soon, I know I am near the end
where I lost,
and I am gone.

I am one, a particulate suspended
in an infinite collection of
breathing stardust
alone standing on
earthly surfaces.

And you are the life I began
to understand in the poetry of
your words that I long to
**** in and inhale for the rest
of this illusionistic superficial reality.