life shot me into a direction i wasn't expecting
i grew up wearing dresses, and bows in my hair
but never felt at home in my own skin

i got older, and started hanging out with the boys in my neighborhood
and i realized i was much more like them than my sisters

i didn't feel "pretty"
i felt tough
and rough
and like i just wanted to be somebody else

high school hit, and by this time
i was no longer Heather
i was Trent

and for the first time in my life
i felt like i was me

my mom cried so much
saying "i'm going to miss my little girl so much, but now i finally have a son. i love you"

my dad, on the other hand, he took it differently

he said if i was a boy then that meant he could kick my *** when i had done something wrong

and he did

i never felt like he loved me
even when i was his little girl

i wasn't pretty like my sisters

i was never meant to be that girl i grew up being

nowadays i just can't keep a woman
they say the *** isn't important, but i know it is

and i'm starting to wonder
if i should just be on my own

Had I known

I had would of wrote her more letters and many poems

I would have used our time wisely,
And hugged her much more tightly

I would have forced her to take a deep breath

To truly relax and admire all the beauty she inspired

Had I known I'd let the rivers of love, appreciation, respect, and pride flow....

And flow....

Had I known.....

I would have never let her go.....

I remember tasting something like spring
Or so it led me to drool and believe
It was more of just a memory, I suppose

They say that memories are a reflection of insecurities

I say, remember

At a time, there was euphoria, and in my ever present curiosity, I dove into this enigma, only to find that the depths of the ocean are unimaginable

Unfathomable

I pondered here, for many years, often in retrospect, but never once in the now

For the future was bleak, but the past was pleasure

I taught myself how to swim, in the flow
But I swam in reverse

I remember spring like it was yesterday
Standing bold, silhouetted by the winter

I remember the smile like my own, and the touch like warm water
The brush like a soft orange

And in these memories I am consumed

But here, I am content to dissolve

maybe is a powerful word
full of hope and disappointment at the very same time.

For you
I don't mind
Being a fool

For you
I will go
Anywhere you ask me to

For you
I will do
Whatever you want to

Yes, I will
For you
And only you....