Plagued by the slightest sounds,
Every sight I resent.
My mere existence in this place is hostile,
Yet this persistent voice torments.
‘You have to try, you have to’ it says,
I drag my body from the floor.
‘One step at a time, and I promise you things will heal,
You just have to open the door’.

But the sun burns through my skin;
The wind ****** my neck like needles.
All of the elements conspiring to destroy what is left of me,
Even the air feels heavy.
My fragile body paper thin,
Ready to tear at any moment.
‘I can’t go outside, I can’t, don’t make me’
With shame I turn away.
I am defenceless,
I am defeated
I just want to be free.

This battle has been too destructive,
And the road to return is too long.
This crippled soul won’t carry,
Stunned silence;
I had awaited strong.
But my wasted heart and weary eyes are closing,
I want to sleep now
Please,
I just want to sleep; everything is sore.
Just let me lie here.
Let me die here.
I have no fight left in me anymore.

Wake Up
To the simplicity, to
The essential stillness
The natural breath
The calmest force
Weaving
Weaving
Dancing

Skilfully
Delightfully
At the heart
Of the heart
of all


MChallis @ 2015

Under the midday sun,
we locked,
we loaded,
we mounted up
in our Strykers,
we knew prayer time
was about to end,
that the violent-fun
was about ready to begin.

I never really knew what it meant
until I read the words
of my kindred spirits.

I have a lot of pent-up fear;
many things really do terrify me.

I’ve never really been comfortable in the dark,
my imagination has never granted me that luxury.
Phantasms from almost 15 years ago follow me in the shadows.

I’ve always enjoyed looking out at a cityscape
from the top of a tower or building
but I’ve never let go of the railing.
I haven’t let myself come close to the edge,
my back against the wall.
I’m too scared of falling.

I’ve been harrowed by many things,
but one demon reigns over them all.

I’m really scared of disenchantment.

I’m scared that the very reasons that I was initially loved for
will eventually become the reasons I am detestable.

I’m scared my determination and perseverance
will turn into me being stubborn and close-minded.
I’m scared that my sweet thoughts and caring nature
will transform into me being clingy and suffocating.

I’m afraid that all the reasons you love me
will turn into the reasons why you regret.