bone chilling moments
aren't what they seem to be.
my body resembles a corpse,
freezing to the tips of my toes,
with an ice cold heart
beating just enough to keep me alive.
i'm a dead girl walking,
littered in lanugo and
blue bruised, broken ribs,
and paper thin skin
caving in on itself
as if collapsing is inevitable.
bile inhabits my stomach,
yet hunger will always be
the second most important anyway.
pink, swollen cheeks are
replaced by hollow caverns
not even bears want to enter.
"i am an iceberg drifting to
the edge of the map,"
a girl who wants to be real-
but can't.
the blizzard winds in my head
have become too heavy to thaw out
and i can slowly feel my carcass of a body
cast away with the rest of my past.
i am gone.
i am free.
i have struggled with an eating disorder for God only knows how long. it's been a challenge recently because i feel the need to restrict everything. i hate it so much yet at the same time it feels good to be in control for once. this poem is for those out there that have/had an eating disorder. you are so much stronger than your mental illness. you will get through this.
xoxo
(reference to "Wintergirls," by Laurie Halse Anderson)