I stand at the edge where the water begins,
Feel a pull in my chest,
The tide drawing in.
The urge like a whisper,
Like salt on my skin,
It says âCome under, let go, give in.â
My thoughts like the wave crash, tumble and spin,
Each one a stone I carry within.
I try to say âThey're just clouds in the sky,â
But theyâre swollen with rain,
Theyâre not passing by.
Grief is an anchor, dragging me deep,
Pain pounds in my chest to a merciless beat.
Sadness clings like a storm-soaked shroud,
And inside me, the shame, silent and proud.
I try to surf it, this wave of despair,
To ride it, to balance, to come up for air.
But it towers above me, too heavy, too fast,
Iâm caught in its pull, Iâm stuck in its grasp.
I canât breathe. My chest feels like its caving in.
Is this how it ends, or does something begin?
A part of me pleads âPlease make it stop,â
Another still fights to rise to the top.
But somewhere below, in the deepest part,
A flicker remains, a stubborn heart.
It kicks against current, gasps at the sky,
Not ready to go yet, not ready to die.
I want it to end, this insufferable pain,
But I have to suffer, I must try again.
So Iâll try and float now, bruised but alive,
Not surfing clean, but I still survive.
And maybe thatâs all I can do for today,
Not ride the wave, but not drift away.