Tonight I stood on the edge of the road
as always.
I witnessed lover’s kisses,children’s tears and so many dog’s wrenching  barks.
I watched lives of many couples in their old apartments across the road that I am guarding.
My light shows the way to the lost and mislaid.
My presence gives courage to young kids.
Although tonight something eerie happened as I shivered in my spot,
A man in black passed by me and hid in a dark corner, peeking with his big, brown eyes
Then a young, pretty woman in a white dress appeared,unaware of the danger, gliding with her own shine leading her way to her last steps
The man crawled behind her with intention to commit a ******
I stood there in silence, in such an anguish desperately waiting
Then the woman  fell on the floor, so lightly, so quietly
As much as the man walked away from the corner he appeared.
Then it started drizzling over the dead body of her, she laid there on the cold and ***** surface, the dogs have started barking while the crows are cawing,and I am looking at the old building to see a young woman’s perplexed face at the window who just witnessed what I did as well, luckily.

It's night time again , I'm left alone with my thoughts .
It's night time again , it all starts coming back to me .
Felt suffocated inside , came outside feeling overwhelmed, I can't see I can't think , it's insane .
The movies skipped this part , they skipped the blood and the pain , they skipped the rejection and fatigue , they dashed to the happy ending slowing down mine .
Do you really know who I am ? Do you know my name? Can you say my name whilst knowing me .. or do you just say it as a necessity .
Even in my dreams I'm suffocated ..the one time I take a breath of fresh air , a million accidents follow .
God !!I try to breathe , but each breath I take hurts more than the last .
"That's the last time , I'm better now , it won't hurt anymore" lies I tell myself , lying to yourself to convince yourself is pathetic . I'm pathetic.
Why does it hurt so much to breathe ? When will it stop ? Each night passes I look forward to the day the breathing stops , but at what cost ? My breath seizes but sadness befalls those who care ..
My eyes close to never be red and soaked again but their eye rims overflow with tears shed and unshed .
How can a girl feel so much yet so little ? How can one acquire such bags of sadness that increases each step I take ? .
I must have been a ***** in the life before , this must be my eternal damnation, it's all a sick joke .
Rubber slaps my wrist but yet I can't quite make that twist .
What's it gonna take to make that twist ? What's it gonna take to break this curse ? ..  what's it gonna take to lose this breath ? Without bringing tears to the eyes of those who are cursed to love me ? .
Maybe you did something in your life before too , your curse came as me .. mine is eternal damnation , yours is sadness for you love the ****** one  .
If only somebody ,anybody  knows my name while knowing me ! If only while I drowned somebody could actually yell my name , perhaps I wouldn't be gasping for this hurtful air .. perhaps I wouldn't be crying for the breath that hurts me so .
It's funny you know ..  " A man or a bear ? " they ask me ..
How about " A woman and  air ?" What's she to pick ? The one that hurts her .. or the very cause of her sorrows ?
What's she to choose ? Oh how big these responsibilities are but what truly are they ? She doesn't know ! But she feels the pain and is tagged as dramatic !
" Your life's not a movie !!" They say ..
" You cannot always be a victim" they say ,
" Grow up ! You are not a child ! Be mature"
And I stand and wish that I actually saw my life as a movie , then the pain wouldn't feel so real , and the blood wouldn't feel so hot as it dripped , if only my life were a movie , I would have written my happy ending .
So you were wrong , but if perhaps you were right .. then this movie hurts and burns , change it to the next one please .
I'm immature ? maturity would break me , it would **** me with a smile .
Adulthood that I am not yet ready to face , so yes I'm immature and childish , that's the only string connecting me to life .
Come home to my family and oh how they love ... Yet I can't reciprocate , " you can reciprocate by making us proud ! Excel at school as always " .
How do I explain ? How do I explain the change? How do I explain that it's killing me slowly but surely , how do I explain that In order to excel I lose a bit of myself every single day ! But it's not enough , how much more do I have to lose before I breathe ? Is it until there's nothing left ? I'll bet ! .
Then I'd finally excel , with my last painful breath.

I couldn’t decide what to eat.
There is no space in my fridge for despair.
I tore into fruit, soft at the edges,
ate it down to the core.
I dreamed of something sweeter
and ripe.

Then came the crunch—
crisps and fresh carrots breaking sharply in my mouth.
Today, I make no room for self-pity.

The flavours carried me to the garden,
my hands reaching for bananas,
brightening my day
reminding me to eat, to cherish,
to value the harvest from the garden.
I can't wait to eat all over again