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nivek 2d
some will land on your doorstep
some will burst through your door
some will shatter your complacency
some will make you beg for mercy
some will break open your heart.
Eavesdropping**
"A good man is hard to find," my Nana used to say. I remember the day she said it, tears in her eyes as she carefully put money into an envelope for church on a Sunday morning. Earlier that day, she had been yelling at my granddad for what felt like hours. She was really upset with him, and I later discovered that my hero, my grandpa, was having an affair with a woman named Estelline Beckley.
“Ellie, you’re the only woman for me,” my granddad insisted. But Nana didn’t believe him and shut the door in his face. I was scared and confused by all the fighting and, in a moment of panic, I crawled under the table and prayed for the shouting to stop.
For weeks, all Nana did was pray, while my granddad busied himself in the kitchen—burning her cookware and making endless pots of coffee. Nana would often complain to the neighbors about all the “harlots” out there, who she believed had a way of leading good men astray. Even now, I'm puzzled by that expression.
Many years later, I met my mother's half-sister. She looked just like my mother, but she had the same fiery spirit as my granddad. It made me realize that family drama and secrets can follow us through generations, no matter how hard we try to avoid them.
I am gonna go quiet
for the next day
thinking maybe
it would be the best gift
to offer you

I'll write messages
in the sand instead
make shapes with stones
build a fire
and spend the night
looking for shooting stars
and wishing them
all on you
nivek 2d
cast off, cast adrift
riding currents,
pull of the moon
I hate that I still do anything
Because of you
But I do
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