Because by then,
I would have known
how the words I spat at them
would seep through their ears
and down their spinal cord
and somehow, eventually
reach their heart
where its poison would slowly **** them

Because by then,
I would have known
how much they try
even if
they have had ***
they did not believe in god
they lost hope in humanity
they were not democrats

Because by then,
I would have known
how it takes every ******* muscle in their tired bodies
to not bring out a gun in a room full of people
they saw at school every day
or how they would rather
let their anxiety or depression
take them away

Because by then,
I would have known
how I was not the only one working
or trying to love
when the reason they had lost all hope
in that meaningless world
in the first place
was me

Because by then,
I would have known
that I cannot
expect somebody
to love me
when I myself am
unable to love
them