take a second, there's that feeling again
I don't want to know this
you didn't want to give this
it was everything I did wrong
echoing to break the threads of the safety blanket
I hid under for years
you didn't try
I don't remember what I did wrong
a tsunami in a single drop
so I snapped your picture because I wanted to remember all of it
from the happiest beginning
to the happiest ending
and then you erased me
you were always more high tech, a whiteboard to my chalkboard
and you can see the scars of the words spoken past
etched into my every thought
its about 4 months passed success
and I can't be held responsible
you fell in love in the first place
and I wish I could remember when I let you fall of the ledge
that I urged you against approaching
but I lost my mind watching the wind dance in your hair
I will never find another like you, it's true
but im wanderlust
and will search the world until it feels right
but your endless smile led my path for years
and now im lost because I took a shortcut
and so I fall asleep where its a bit darker
and I wake up and tousle with my demons
but I still try to smile and remind my self to chin up
I wish you would have never fell
and you could have stayed grounded to keep me from flight
because I wanted to be with you
and my every whim pulled all my limbs in a teary haze
I know that only love could burn my pride
and maybe you were just along for the passionate ride
that was easy to step out and pay the cab fare
I should have said no
no no no you're my best friend
no no no everything always seemed wrong
no no no baby not me
but you painted stars in my eyes so I could see for bright for thousands of years
and I followed you
like the north star, stead and fast
this could just be a part of growing up
and drowning in caffeine just to keep going
and that's what you wanted
but I wanted to run free, a gypsy without a plan
and I over committed myself to dreams that were not mine
but i guess that's growing up
I knew things were going to change
you burned the memories of us
and scattered the ashes to a graveyard
to remind that love dies like everything once full of life
this all sounds ridiculous
but like a nursery rhyme dancing with careful chimes
I hope you're happy
even if I don't know
I know you weren't happy the day I watched you walk away
when I sat silent in an awe
that I open and played the mint condition record of our demise
I had become colorblind, everything was so black and white
like gender roles and expectations of a wife
and it scared the color back into me
you spooked a ghost
because no one can ever be perfect
when it's me standing in front of you crying
trying to remind you that im first and foremost your friend
and when we would lay
I watched the hour hand spin from laughter to tears of frustration
and you couldn't convince me that this life was for you and me
the moon was right, the stars were in align
and we couldn't make it to flight
but I swore that you had to go
love of mine, we left and died
and the beauty of it is, we're still alive
you're free to find your wife
my love withered away to nothing
I had no promises left I could keep
so that's that, we're both headed back to start
we passed go twice and did not collect $200
I know its not easy
but you couldn't fix me
you tried your best but what you saw as succeeding was misleading everything I needed
I was the bad girl to your perfect persona
trouble wrapped in a cute face
and im sorry
I don't know how to say, we were always destined to end
it was just the thrill of the hunt
because we could never love each other endlessly
and so now we're sleeping on floors of strangers we haven't met
wondering were constant schedules and consistency hid away
and someday I'll visit you
but I will never lie to you
about the love I let go
I'm sorry
it'll be a new year
and we'll take to resolutions of promises meant to be broken
someone is going to love you
more than I ever did