i stare outside my bedroom window
12:42am
wondering where my soul has gone,
my personality,
my hope.
instead of organs I carry inside me burdens of ex lovers, of mistakes, of abuse,
i remember when I use to shine the brightest.
it is so hard to see when you are blinded amidst tear gas
people pushing and shoving
black holes for eyes, no hearts in sight
i wish to one day repair them.
i wish one day to repair myself
it seems to be an impossible task
a momentary relapse of heart ache, of bleeding arms and bleeding legs
a momentary relapse of euphoria and then down again we go
it hurts when all you can do is sit around and wait for someone to clean the wounds just to tear them open with their teeth once again.

dad, did you do it again?
slide in your poison-
did you think you could ever own me?
mom, did you do it again?
pump your fears, your dreams, your failures into my blood, my soul, my slow beating heart?

i can't seem to go on anymore.

how am I suppose to love when the birthmarks on my arms are really scars,
when the holes in my chest are past heart breaks,
sleep breaks, smoke breaks, coke brakes, **** brakes
how am I suppose to love?
the snow covers an icy cold blanket around my mind,
freezing all the bad and good thoughts
and suddenly everything goes black.

-where am i?

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