What is it I have to do to walk outside to feel safe again?

When is it a good time for me to get in the car and drive to work?

What should I say when I buy food from the grocery store?

Are my actions  when checking for my wallet, keys, cell-phone, going to **** me?

How should I act around other people?

Am I to act myself when around a gun?

What level of violence is okay for me to act upon.

What stereotypes should I follow so not to feel hated?

What kind of video will prove I've done nothing wrong?

How nice should I be to others?

Should I question the influence of others?

I don't know... I walk outside almost every day expecting the worst, when I hop in my car I fear every person on the road myself included. I partake  in simple actions in public fearing the scrutiny of offending others. My keys are in my left pocket, phone is in the right, and wallet in the back, I think everyone should know that I have nothing else in my pockets. I am told to be myself. I am told to be more white. I will protect my life and loved ones. I know I can jump higher than others because I practiced. There are eyes almost everywhere yet they see absolutely nothing. It's not a scale it's a fact... I always make my own decisions.

If I am wrong it's alright I forgive myself. *I never expected to be right.