this time of year I can see my veins in the mirror
I am buckling. from the bottom of my boiling –empty- gut
I swear to god I’m trying
there’s an army in my mouth -a plague-
someday I swear, my love, my shallow lungs will fall here, dead
there’s an army in my bones and it is crushing
-holding me, like I will reach the end of time
like there is nothing left, my love-
I am a disgrace. from here on out we are at war
-adversum me, my love-
this time of night I feel my body on this earth -giving out
giving out-
from the bottom of my heart -my love-
I swear to god I’m trying
this time of year I shove dirt down my screaming throat
-there is nothing left in me-
in the dead of night the weight of me falls heavy on this floor
with the dead of earth I waver -there is nothing left,
my love-
from here on out we cut our loss
*–and pray I won’t know where I am
when I wake up-