I heard your name today.
It sent shameful chills down my spine.
How can something so full of life feel so cold.

I thought about you a little bit after.
It made me smile.
I could feel each laughing memory on my lips.

I was happy, but it hurt.

I like to only remember the good times,
But I need to remember all the bad to remind myself why.

I never knew a person could make me feel so guilty for their own mistakes,
But you were amazing at it.

I had always been one to stand up for myself until I met you.
Never had I ever felt so small until I took a stand right next to you.

I can see you in my mind.
You branded yourself and then you left me.
Left me to feel the flames all by myself,
Left me to hear all my demons without a defense,
Left me to ponder every action and every mistake.
Maybe it was all my fault.

No.
It wasn't my fault.
******* for making me think so.
******* for manipulating me,
Making my think you were someone you weren't.
I could blame the monsters in my head,
but you were the real monster.

You are the evil that entered me.
You are the drug you encouraged me to take.
You are the hysteria I let myself travel with.