I wake up
There is moisture on my cheek
A sound so broken
Startled me awake
I see
I made it
That sound is me

I was reaching
My hand in the place
Where your head would rest
The tear drop falls
I hear a keening
It's me
I've lost my meaning

It has been so **** long
I've recovered
Over and over
But like an addict
I relapse
I muffle the sound
Don't want the neighbors to know how messed up I am

There are two pillows
One between my legs
Where our legs should be intertwined
Where I can hold it to my chest
I hold it close and it silences my sobs
Unlike you
It will not abandon me

The other is beneath my head
It used to be
A platform
Where we could look at each other
Now it's empty
Listening to the gut wrenching cries
And catching the tears

I still cry
For you
For the closeness I miss
For the comfort I have only ever felt
With You
I whimper in my dreams
My partner shut me out

I don't sleep
You were everything
But now you scarcely even speak
You're leaving me again
And this time
I can't be strong
I can't bear it

You are my sunshine
Through the fog of depression

You are the warmth
In my frozen heart

You make me happy
And then you break me

Please this time

For me

Either stay

Forgive me



Or


Let me break my promise
Because I've tried
And I can't do this
Not with you not filling
Any capacity in my life

In some way I need you
A broken way
Like the young girl who got lost in the thunderstorm
Like I was when you first knew me
Trust me
Confide in me
Let me be your comfortable
As you have always been mine