I never understood the way my dad would stand up sometimes and just stand there for a quiet 10 seconds

I didn't know if he was trying to figure out what he was going to do
or if he just liked standing there
or that he had one of those moments where you feel like you might pass out and you can see all the stars right in front of your eyes

I was only six at that time
I am now older
and more grown up than my dad will ever be



My mother is yelling


My father is quiet


And I understand

He's trying to figure out how to fix
the mess he has gotten himself in
But thinking does not go well
when your blood
is turning into alcohol