I woke up and the first thing I thought about was you. I keep denying that I still care for you because I feel no reason too, but you are still my mother or so I think.
All the brutal phone calls with me always having to press 1 and hearing a lady say our calls would be monitored. Its feels like I should stop answering those calls because I hear the same excuses over and over, like "I want to get better", " I want to change for you and your brother", its been 8 years and the only change I've seen in you is your skin tone because of the drugs. And it's like everytime I want to say I'm done with you and your excuses, you get weak and you do stupid stuff so I feel like I need to be strong for both of us.

I remember in 6th grade I was writing a letter to you while you were in jail, and in this letter I told you that some girls were bullying me just because I had a different point of view about love and then I thought to myself about how stupid I sounded because I knew you couldn't do anything about it,you couldn't tell the girls to shut and tell me I was gonna be okay. I just wished I had a mother to protect me but instead I had a mother who protected her boyfriend.

I heard you called last night crying and weeping because you caught him talking to some other girl and how you almost Oded on whatever you were taking, its funny because a week before you were talking about how you wanted to go to a shelter and get a job but I guess that means nothing now like it did before. When they told me what had happen I didn't feel anything...I was just so numb, but deep down I knew I wanted to cry but for what?!

Now Im just sitting here while tears roll down my face because I don't know what's gonna happen next.