That you said a lot of things
But meant very few of them.
You said what I wanted to hear
Gave me hope when I had nothing.
And you took it away
Because, me, I believed you.
I believed every word you said
Because I needed them to be true.
I need you to mean what you said
"I love you"
"I need you"
"I will be yours forever"
I needed those words to be true.
Needed you to be true
Yet,
You weren't.
You were taking advantage of the moment. The time
It took me to fall in love.
You took my need and used your greed
To get something out of it for you
Only you.
You left me when you promised
Forever.
You disappeared and said
"I was young when I promised you that"
You made an excuse
To go off and leave me gasping
For air.
Pinching myself hoping to wake up.
Telling myself it would be a dream
Forcing myself to know it wasn't real.
And then
Then came the pain.
The regret.
The fear.
That I was wrong.
That something was wrong with me.
I've never known pain like that.
And I never will again.
You broke that part of me.
I'll never love like that again.
Because it's too hard to know the pain.
To have the fear of the same outcome.
Do I want love?
Yes.
I want the nights in my truck.
The days waiting for you.
The smiles from you
The look in those brown eyes.
I mistook it for love.
But that's not what it was.
It was something else.
Something without words put to it.
Something worse than hate.
I wanted the "I love you"s
The "I need you"s
The smiles and kisses.
All of that I needed it.
And you knew it.
Well you got your wish
I'm broken because I trusted you.
And that's the worse thing I can imagine
Because you made it seem simple.
Well goodnight and good luck ladybug.
This the last time.
The last day you'll get from me.
Because know I'll live for myself.
And maybe I'll know love again.
I don't know...
Maybe I don't want that