"Do not gloat over me, my enemy!
Though I have fallen, I will rise.
Though I sit in darkness,
the Lord will be my light.
Because I have sinned against him,
I will bear the Lord’s wrath,
until he pleads my case
and upholds my cause.
He will bring me out into the light;
I will see his righteousness."
- Micah 7:8-9 (NIV)
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A question mark,
Never will I bestow;
For what I sow, I will reap.
And now, as the era of harvest is today,
I am ready.
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I thirst, and taste a famine;
Bitterness has flavored my tongue,
I wanna whine,
“Why it isn’t sweet?”
I counted the years..
One, two, three –
In my very own language,
I got three.
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I used to sleep unaided,
With lies as my pillow,
A chock-full darkness as my bedspread;
I thought I was alright,
For my psyche, my heart
They both agreed.
“Child, my child…”
A voice like roaring thunder,
Yet so sweet,
Calling my name.
A chariot of fire,
A blazing man in his black robe!
Terrified, my knees were wobbling.
Then, I realized..
That thing which I’m used to clinched,
All the time, the source of the twinge.
I felt a Hand above me…
A safe haven, yes, I’m in here!
The Light has blinded me,
But I wasn’t troubled at all,
For I know that the same blindness
Will lead me to the real Light.
I have never seen His face,
I may have died if I did try.
All I know is that He’s magnificent,
And powerful and loving…
A forgiving One.
I have this runny feeling in my hands,
I was full of blood,
But I’m not hurt at all.
Debris of glasses are on my feet,
I felt the stooping of my knees,
It’s as if something’s dragging me down.
I realized that I was to pick those up –
With the ****** stains, still in my hands.
I saw a big picture of me,
Facing my own being -- a ****** being.
There, I started to hear a small voice,
And wondered where it comes.
Black…
Now, all were black again.
I started to feel the same fear;
My lips are to shriek,
But it was zipped.
“My child, my child…”
Here He goes again,
“Lord, help me! Help me God!”
I bawled with my full muscles,
But the words were only bubbles.
“D’you hear me Lord? Where are you? Are you there?”
The darkness has wholly wrapped me,
Like a snake about to eat me slowly.
The poison has entered my body,
I was fighting my breath –
An exchange of inhale and exhale;
And I know I was about to die.
It hurts me so much –
The Lord has abandoned me,
He has forsaken me.
I was losing my grip on Him,
Even though I know,
Even before, I wasn’t grasping at all.
I found no tears,
But a blood from my eyes..
That made me realized something.
The voice has emerged again,
“Be still, my child…”
That moment, I want a hug from Him,
Unlike the first encountered we had,
To which I just let Him be away.
For the fullness of His love,
I have never recognized.
His blood has gave me hope –
That precious blood that brought me to life!
And that’s why I’m not hurting,
‘Coz he was actually the one who’s hurt.
“Lord, I am nothing... But why?
Why die for me? Why save me?”
Questions are about to burst,
But I was so silent,
not to speak a single one anymore.
I’m waiting for His reply –
I waited with tears in my eyes.
But I heard no word from Him,
Instead, He gave me a sweet embrace..
I fear no more..
“Lord, I love you so much…
I’m sorry, please forgive me…”
Tears were like rain,
it can’t be impeded right now.
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The light has awaken me,
That light strikes my eyes but I was happy.
“It’s just a dream Lord...
But I know, that embrace was real.”
I smiled.
In the richness of the darkness itself,
People will look for Him.
It will be the moment they will seek Him,
With all their hearts out.
People will be forgiven,
Not because of what they've done,
But because of God’s grace alone.
They may not have felt His first love,
They may backslide a counted times,
But surely, they’ll return to Him
And find their way back home.
The Lord is my Savior,
Jesus Christ is my Redeemer alone.
For I know what to suffer now,
Is not for my own benefit alone,
But for the sake of the Message.
For I know how sinful I am,
And how I disappointed Him a lot of times,
But He has put me in the light,
And once again, I’ll thank Him –
And will never stop lauding His holy Name
(7/9/13 @xirlleelang)