oh.
i wish i didn't know about you.

you have ruined me.
this i know in my bones.

i wish i didn't know
    about your **** beautiful face
  the way you move
christ.

no.
i wish i didn't know
it was possible for my heart
  to pound out of tempo with the earth
on its own wild trajectory.

i wish i didn't know
this terror
   of beautiful things
       slipping from my grasp.

this sickening realization
that my life is just
a stack of winters.

the universe cares nothing for me.

but i believe in you
even if you don't believe in me.

i see you
even if you won't see me.

i hear your voice
in my dreams where
   you have taken down walls
  and planted trees with me instead.

oh,
my heart aches not to know about you.

my mind fears
to know of time
    without you.

to have all this space
these colors
these sounds

this love.

as i move through time
  i become more convinced
    there is nothing more.

more frustrated that no one will hear me.

devastated
that you do not believe in me.