being an addict, seeing all of my friends and family and everyone around me live a complete and full life without drugs. Watching them graduate, get a good job , get promotions, buy a house, get married, and im just watching from the sidelines. Jealous of their wholeness, of their success , their sobriety . The feeling of isolation my entire life bc im not and never have been like them. Unable to even imagine what it might be like living the sober successful life like the one Ive been told is possible. I have no idea where I would even start. The countless times I’ve sent myself to detox , rehab, tried to do the twelve steps , going through the motions, doing every thing that I’m told, without the slightest change to the addict inside me. but I will keep trying