2d
Cinderblock thick
Why do you try to climb the parapets
This little heart of mine sings in a choir
Where dolorous notes emit percussive blows against the chest
Leave me to my cimmerian chamber,
It doesn’t suit you to pine away for an apparition
The man you knew is a specter,
A noctambulant wanderer forgotten, moribund.
The skies dressed in lachrymose grey,
As you stare at photographs,
Caught in an eidolon daydream,
But even in your greatest incarnation
You could not evoke yesterday,
Nor could I remember how to feign feeling.
I was cast aside,
Left in my melancholy,
Bereft of my ailing mind,
Imprisoned in mortiferous thought
Despondent to the fabrics of the real
And when I puzzled me back like a jigsaw
I was left with missing pieces,
Tenebrous figures pull at the light
To put out the light,
And in this last flickering candle,
Would you close the door to phantasmagoric fantasies
So I can introduce you to the man I am today,
The one you’ll never deceive or condescend
A true version of humility wrapped in masculine tenacity
I am more than meets the mind’s eye
A force of malevolence for those who dare upset my peace.
Why do you try to climb the parapets
This little heart of mine sings in a choir
Where dolorous notes emit percussive blows against the chest
Leave me to my cimmerian chamber,
It doesn’t suit you to pine away for an apparition
The man you knew is a specter,
A noctambulant wanderer forgotten, moribund.
The skies dressed in lachrymose grey,
As you stare at photographs,
Caught in an eidolon daydream,
But even in your greatest incarnation
You could not evoke yesterday,
Nor could I remember how to feign feeling.
I was cast aside,
Left in my melancholy,
Bereft of my ailing mind,
Imprisoned in mortiferous thought
Despondent to the fabrics of the real
And when I puzzled me back like a jigsaw
I was left with missing pieces,
Tenebrous figures pull at the light
To put out the light,
And in this last flickering candle,
Would you close the door to phantasmagoric fantasies
So I can introduce you to the man I am today,
The one you’ll never deceive or condescend
A true version of humility wrapped in masculine tenacity
I am more than meets the mind’s eye
A force of malevolence for those who dare upset my peace.
I've struggled with mental illness my whole life due to surviving a multitudes of traumas, 5 years ago, I had a major mental breakdown and took some time off work to get properly evaluated (voluntarily, I was not suicidal) and it turned out I was experiencing CPTSD episodes coupled with BPD...during this healing process and over these past few years I have kind of stopped going out and partying and really focusing on my health and well being...in doing so I lost a lot of friends, which at 39 probably isn't the worst thing to happen, and the ones who are now trying to come back into my life, I feel like I don't owe them that...so this piece is just introspection. (I am in a very stable and happy state now, and doing amazing for the record.)
